No Apology.........

[Chantellabella]

Is often something that keeps us stuck as victims
Keeps us stuck in bitterness
Keeps us angry or sad or depressed and hopeless

Jon Bon Jovi sang "No apology...........we will not back down...........we are not afraid...............not a drop of doubt."

Bon Jovi didn't mean all the time though.



Sometimes we can get stuck in thinking that we have a right to be bitter, angry and unforgiving. I mean, they've wrong us, right? So we have a right to never forgive that person, never trust another human being, and never let go of our eternal victimhood.


But flip that...............most of the time situations have two sides. Yes, someone may have "started it," but rather than take the high road or deal with it through assertive communication, we fell down in the trenches of name-calling, hate and passive aggressiveness. It's easier for a fearful person to take those safer routes. But all that does is perpetuate the hurt - on both sides.



I went through a program called Celebrate Recovery years ago. The one thing that set me free from being a victim was to make amends. That means I had to apologize to people I had wronged. Even people like my ex-husband and my parents.

I said hurtful things. I deceived. I swayed my children against them. Why? Because they hurt me. I deserved to, right? Nope. My actions made me just as guilty as they were.



So I started apologizing to people. I apologized to my children. To friends I'd hurt. It was not safe to directly apologize to my ex nor my parents, so instead I verbalized my guilt to someone I could trust.

Just saying it and truly feeling the remorse set me free from the bitterness. Made me see my part in the wrong doing. Gave me power to say, "I did it and I'm sorry."



Did it negate my hurt? No. But it helped me accept that although I was hurt, I was not blameless and totally innocent either. It helped me let go of the role as absolute victim to an absolute perpetrator.


So how about we use this thread to apologize. Don't use names. Just say what you are truly sorry for.

And remember. ... "I'm sorry for ______________, but I did it because you hurt me" is not a true apology.
"I'm sorry for __________________. I'm just really sorry," is a true amend.

[Chantellabella]

___________, I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you no longer want to associate with me. I'm truly sorry for hurting you. And I miss you, my brother.


____________, I'm sorry that I held bitterness in my heart for a very long time. You told me you were struggling and rather than accept that, I just got angry and left our friendship. I'm sorry.

[Chantellabella]

_______I'm sorry for being apathetic. You're my family and rather than check on you, I chose to be apathetic. I'm really sorry.

[Chantellabella]

____________ I'm sorry I wasn't excited about your engagement. Even though I had reasons, they were not excuses and I was wrong for not getting excited. I'm really sorry because I know my indifference hurt you. I'm sorry.

[L]

I'm sorry I didn't give you more support, I didnt know how it felt for you but that was no excuse, I'm sorry.

[Skippy]

So true, Cindy.
I forgive everybody.....even you know who....with time.
I've shut the door for good on my life to find a new one so there's no one really left to apologize to tho in my heart I do anyway.

[SmileyFace]

I'm sorry I didn't look out for you more like you always looked out for me.

[Keddy]

I'm sorry I took it for granted all the times you stood up for me and protected me. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you more when I was growing up. I'm sorry I thought I was always right. I'm sorry I argued with you when you were just looking out for my best interest.