Unsupportive Family/Friends?

[Valerie]

Hi, I'm Valerie & recently joined Anxiety Space. I didn't see this mentioned in any threads yet, so I decided to start one.

So, am I the only one with family and/or friends that don't "support" you?

My family doesn't believe I have SAD, therefore I can't go to a doctor to possible diagnose me, nor get therapy. They think I'm just "shy" and I'll outgrow it. Regardless of the fact that I have most of the symptoms. I've read that genes can cause SAD if your family members have it as well. No one in my family does, they're all extroverted. I've tried to explain it to them, but they don't understand the concept of these occurrences. Sometimes they tell me to not be "anti-social" which really hurts, since I felt like I've been trying harder than usual. I love them, but they don't understand how depressed/sad/confused/frustrated/etc. I feel.

Assuming I have SAD, I guess it's to "blame" for my few numbered friends. Currently, I have about 2. The one that lives in another state was the first to find out. Although she did believe me, she also does not understand what it's like. I love her, but our conversation went something like this. Friend: "Well, why don't you just go up to someone and talk to them so you can get over it?" Me: "It's not that simple, I get really nervous and I can hardly think straight." Friend: "Okay... maybe ask for their number and just talk to them through text?" Me: That would involve me doing the exact same thing you just suggested PLUS asking them for a number which will most likely cause me to seem like a strange person." Friend: "Oh." Me: "Yeah." She also cannot grasp the concept of how difficult it is. My other friend was similar to my family. She's really awesome, I swear, but some of the things she said literally made me want to throw her out a window. Her beliefs not only include the idea that I do not have this "made up disease for people who suck at talking to others", but also, "it's all in your head, get over it and get on with life", "you literally don't talk to anyone, like it's not even a big deal just TALK to them!" and too many more to include.

Anyways, I wasn't sure since it seemed a lot of people who I've heard about at least have a parent or two that have the decency to "allow" them to have therapy. Hopefully someone else is in this inconvenient situation where you feel depressingly alone.

[Chantellabella]

Hi and welcome to the forum, Valerie.

You're not alone with having unsupportive family and friends. I'm sure we can all relate to having people think we are making this up. Or they think we should just "go out and meet more people," or "get out the house and it will instantly get better."

The problem with mental illness is that people can't see it like they can a physical illness. Therefore it's just harder to believe. You know that "seeing is believing" thing?

So if your symptoms emulate shyness or just being quiet or even if it's just sitting in your room often playing video games, others see it as lazy, and non-productive. They have no clue that you're scared to reach out. Scared that the world will reject you. They don't know you can't breathe when you think of talking to a stranger. Or see you as picking apart and berating yourself after talking with someone.

I'm not taking up for the non-supportive people in your world. I'm just saying that if they have never experienced anxiety, they have no clue what you're experiencing.

I share my anxiety problems here because people here understand. I share my work problems with my co-workers. I share my family problems with my family.

I think that's where a lot of us go wrong. We think a true friend knows "everything."

I have one friend who we share info and laughs about our kids. One friend who talks to me about God. And one friend who knows about my diagnosis. I don't expect all of my friends to know everything about me. Why? Because I know they can only handle certain things. It's not important that all of your friends or family know everything about you. My own kids don't know about my diagnosis.

So maybe hang around here more often with people who understand, and just enjoy your two friends as people whom you can share some things with. Same with family.

I just found it helped me over the years.

Again, welcome to the forum and I hope you stay around.

Cindy

[merc]

Extreme shyness tends to run in my family and this was never thought of as a disorder. My grandmother wouldn't eat in any restaurant went out. She would say I have good food at home. This could have been a result of the depression or of being from an immigrant family. Despite having extreme shyness as a child I was forced to sell eggs on a home delivery egg route. I had to do normal stuff not hide.

In some ways that attitude helped me because despite having extreme shyness I survive. But here is the kicker, I survive I don't thrive. If there are too many people I avoid. I avoid loud obnoxious type. I avoid making phone calls. I avoid haircuts until I'm in a good mood to be able to handle it. I quit a job I liked and was sort of good at due to unrelenting stress and worry.

I'm good in some situations, but the things I'm terrible at....??? I know this isn't ok. Only recently have I tried to get help. I got mad at a billing mistake and quit and need to find a new therapist this was almost a year ago. My husband deleted all the research I did to find a new therapist. I never confronted him as to why. I personally think he thinks I'm ok just seeking attention. Despite my weird behavior of not being able to fit in with his friends.