I don't care anymore

[nothing]

The title says it, really, I'm done trying. I'll never be able to communicate with people, I'll never truly have a life. I'm tired of struggling so hard just to get by with some ridiculous, idiotic "coping strategies". [BEEP] it. I'll never meet anyone to love, nobody will ever love me. I realize I have a few family members who love me, but that doesn't matter to me, it's not the love I want. The only reason I can be honest about that right now is because I started drinking and taking benzos again; I'm a complete [BEEP] up and I give up on myself. I can't be honest about what I truly want in life because well, I'm a coward.

I really hope every last person here finds a way to live a happy life, but it isn't happening for me. Maybe it's because I'm a quitter and I'm obviously not willing to put the work into improving; destroying myself with drugs is easier. It doesn't make me happy, in fact, it sometimes makes me more miserable, but hopefully that misery will end soon.

I don't know why I'm posting this, I'm not looking for replies, in fact, I won't be back. I'm done with everything except my rapid descent into absolute destruction now, I'm going to focus on that. I hate myself so much, I broke the mirror in the bathroom because I can't stand to look at myself. This is pathetic, I'm drunk and sick while typing this crying in front of a computer screen, I'm really too pathetic to live on. Nothing ever helps and I'm sick of trying and failing 100% of the time. There's nothing I'm even remotely good at and well, that's just fine.

I'm done typing now because this post is just as pointless as the life I've decided to waste and throw into the garbage where it belongs.

Bye.

[Chantellabella]

I know you didn't want replies, so I'll make this brief.

I had someone very close to me give up. That wasn't the answer.

It's Saturday afternoon by you. Can you just focus on baby steps right now? Nobody knows what the future will bring. But when you focus on just making it from one moment to the next, life doesn't seem so overwhelming.

I've been where you are. You're worth fighting another day.

[merc]

Sometimes I read your posts and get mad. What happened that made you decide today that all the stuff you have been doing is worthless? I still think today is the day I will start exercising again. Do you want to know why I quit in the first place? I was exercising. I was eating healthy. I was losing weight but when I went to the doctor I had such high anxiety that my blood pressure was extremely high and I needed to take medicine.

You've actually been inspiring me to get back in shape. I still don't really want the cold shower .

Sure we all have bad days where despite all our efforts to not waste time and obsess over something. I felt bad yesterday, because I was busy looking for something at work and completely walked by without saying a thing to someone and not until later did I realize that I am so rude. I went into the complete downward spiral of negative thoughts over something rather minor and stupid. In every interaction there are at least two people why didn't the other person do or say something?

Sometimes a day makes a difference. Today I spoke to this person, about nothing too major but it went well like normal so I guess that is progress than Of course I wonder about how weird I was to waste too much negative energy on worrying about something stupid.

I don't want you to quit. I don't want you to give up. But you will fail! It is ok to fail. It is what makes us human. Just remember to not quit trying.

[nothing]

What happened that made you decide today that all the stuff you have been doing is worthless?

Well, I don't remember what it was exactly, the benzos I decided to abuse make things a bit fuzzy, but it's probably because I'm just a worthless quitter by nature. After over a week of destroying myself, I decided to try again today and failed hard, now I'll probably descend into the self-destruction again, I can't even walk anymore after my ankle decided to crap out on me for no reason today. I can't do the yoga I was doing either so I'll probably regain the 53 LBS I had lost and, well, I'm just sick of failing 100% of the time. I can't stand this anymore, I don't even want to try now, it's not worth the pain, nothing is worth this.

[Chloe]

If you want to call yourself a quitter then do it, if you want to say no one care then look at the replies your getting. You can't say no one loves you because you've got some family who are trying to get you better, you've got people on here trying to convince you life is worth it. If people didn't love you they wouldn't care, they'd let you go on abusing your body and thinking destructive thoughts and ignore this post you've now had three people outright say something on this post, that's proof someone out there cares, they may not be there with you but they have said something in hopes of breaking that negative cycle of thoughts and actions. I've seen you posting on here a few times and I'll be honest I don't know what's going on in your life other than your facing struggles. But I refuse to hear someone sit back and say they're not worth it, that no one cares. Everyone is worth something, your not a murderer or rapist or some horrible person, your someone who life had pushed and pushed and pushed, it does it to everyone. Life tests you if it didn't it would be easy boring there would be no satisfaction in life. Your being tested and your giving up but that won't make things easier, it makes things harder. Look at yourself, your an organism which is striving to live, your body is taking the abuse your giving it and still pumping blood, taking whatever nutrients it gets and functioning as well as it can. Your body wants to live but by the sounds of it you don't. You want to quit, which is sad. You want to give up on this world because your scared no one cares you feel like you don't fit in. I wish these words would convince you I really do. Because no person should feel worthless or unloved there are always people out there who will care sometimes they're far away like some of the people who have posted on here or sometimes they're nearby like your family they all care and they want you to care to stand up and push back at life to keep on going and living and trying. I think the reason your posting this is you want to break the cycle of decent you've fallen into your crying because you don't want to go down the road your creating yourself with your actions. I know you didn't want a reply but you said no one cares and yet people do

[Harpuia]

Hey man, if you want to get back on and chat, I'm always willing to listen. I added you as a friend man.