killer of conversations
I believed this about someone I used to work alongside. She had something awful to say about absolutely everybody. I think she was extremely insecure and probably stuck in a bad marriage. There's just no way she went home at the end of each day to a happy life. It was either that or she had some serious mental issues that were going untreated.chantellabella
I think my most hurtful memory was when I wrote a suicide note, my mum found it, asked what it was, I told her it was just a story and she never asked me about it again. I felt such a relief when she asked me about it but I was also really scared, I was 15 I needed help. I didn't get as much as a hug and to this day I am so afraid of reaching out as this is the type of reaction she has shown me all my life.
In a way I have forgiven her because now I don't try to reach out or share anything about my life or struggles with her. It hurts a lot but what can I do eh.
life---><---me
I live next door to a woman who has nothing good to say about anyone. At first I thought I was somehow causing her to hate me, but then I realized she is the most unhappy person I've ever met. She has alienated family members, her daughter-in-law refuses to have anything to do with her. She is just plain mean. I would occasionally greet her pleasantly and chat etc. Than one day, she, in her super loud voice yelled "Here she comes, hide in the garage."
The people she was with looked embarrassed. I was mortified.
This is very bad for a person with social anxiety, and with avoidant personality traits to have happen. It took me several years and an incident that occurred on 911 for me to get over the fact that my neighbor hates me.
From that point on I've kept my distance, but if she is out I will nod hello at her. I refuse to let her ruin my day or even worry one minute about her. She is irrelevant to me. I really don't care.
You have to wonder why people like this never see their unhappiness. They're so busy fighting the world, that they never sit back and ask themselves why.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Yeah, ouch. To have her not even care that you would write a story about suicide? Or even ask. That had to have been a lonely feeling. Thank you for sharing your story
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
That's really healthy, so good for you!
And yes, she sounds like she's very miserable if her family doesn't even want to be around her.
I'm glad you can put the blame on her and not you. I know that's difficult for us due to thinking we're the one who is always the blame for awkwardness.
I'm proud of you!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Pickin' and Grinnin'!
Share some hurt? Well, ok...
I'm going to share something rare for me.
Since my accident especially I've felt strange, like I just realized how empty my life has become and I don't know where to go from here. I think of anytime past and I all get is a sad nostalgia. Does it keep getting worse?
I'm often bombarded by hurtful memories that are actually good ones, because I miss sooooo much. I've always been a sorta wanderer in life. Moving from place to place, nothing and no one staying the same. (quite literally nothing) It's like a TV show that ran for 34 years and all the original cast, plots and stuff have long left.....cept me. It's lonely.
I think I've always wanted a place to finally belong, where everything I know isn't always temporary.
These memories are sad and painful but they also give me a lil bit of joy because even if it wasn't the best at times, it was quite a life.
Thank you for sharing, Skippy. Yes, not feeling like you belong is definitely painful. I hear ya.Share some hurt? Well, ok...
I'm going to share something rare for me.
Since my accident especially I've felt strange, like I just realized how empty my life has become and I don't know where to go from here. I think of anytime past and I all get is a sad nostalgia. Does it keep getting worse?
I'm often bombarded by hurtful memories that are actually good ones, because I miss sooooo much. I've always been a sorta wanderer in life. Moving from place to place, nothing and no one staying the same. (quite literally nothing) It's like a TV show that ran for 34 years and all the original cast, plots and stuff have long left.....cept me. It's lonely.
I think I've always wanted a place to finally belong, where everything I know isn't always temporary.
These memories are sad and painful but they also give me a lil bit of joy because even if it wasn't the best at times, it was quite a life.
I find that when I look at the past, too many regrets come up. I also find that when I look too far ahead in the future, I get anxious. So I try to do what my grandmother taught me. She said if you have one foot in the past and one in the future, you piss on the present. I just know that staying in the present helps me keep going.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I LOVE that.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Pickin' and Grinnin'!
Haaaaaa! LOLThank you for sharing, Skippy. Yes, not feeling like you belong is definitely painful. I hear ya.
I find that when I look at the past, too many regrets come up. I also find that when I look too far ahead in the future, I get anxious. So I try to do what my grandmother taught me. She said if you have one foot in the past and one in the future, you piss on the present. I just know that staying in the present helps me keep going.
piss on the present. I'd kinda like right right now. x.x
What i thought in my post tho is if i have so many nostalgic memories that make me wanna cry, I at least had something good in life.
Just wish I could'a done better. I wanna make it better, somehow... ether way it teaches ya to make the very best of life whenever possible and especially almost being killed recently I feel that now. I wanna start here with something better.
Many. What's worst is the triggers they create, for me, even something as minor as a word can send me to a really bad place which can be hard to recover from.
I hear ya about triggers. Then people wonder why you all of a sudden have trouble breathing or why you just started crying, huh?
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I hear that! They wonder why you suddenly rush off to the bathroom even though you've not long been or (for me) why you're "jumping at shadows".
I've found a new trigger lately. A particular type of car. Not helpful when I'm in the city, it's a fairly popular style of car and I can't tell the difference between it and similar looking models.
My parents were terrible at not showing their favourite kid. I mean, it happens, but most parents seem to be able to hide it pretty well. Nope. Not mine. My brother plays sports so my dad has always been more invested in him. He has a learning disability (called being fucking lazy) so my mom was always more interested in him. I've been shunned my whole damn life. Parents, friends, everything. I've been so short on feeling loved in my life.
Then it changed for a few months...a few months of feeling like I actually existed. Not only to my then girlfriend, but everyone around me. It just seemed like everyone was more open to being around me and listening to what I had to say.
I regret it completely. Now I know what I'm missing every day. It's absolutely insane how much comfort comes from something as simple as holding hands, or just having someone to talk to. I think I was better off when I didn't how it all felt. I'd rather have just been forever numb.
All through high school I struggled to fit in with anyone group and get away from the bullying. I have moments where I hear what they said to me almost like an echo things like no one likes you, your weird, go away Chloe, you can't even do that stop trying, such a freak and I know they don't sound like much compared to the horrible stuff that you guys had to go through but it really did a number on me especially 7 years of it. I've never thought of myself as pretty, I look in the mirror and think I'm fat ugly and misshapen despite other people saying otherwise. Because all i can hear is those bullies (the majority of my year) saying the same thing your not normal your ugly and your a freak I don't believe anyone actually likes me in real life I always think they just feel sorry for me or because I know things and can do school work (not for them).
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