Knowing I won't get paid again until 1.5 weeks from now. I'm not broke or anything, but it's scary finally seeing how important it is to save [BEEP] up.
Knowing I won't get paid again until 1.5 weeks from now. I'm not broke or anything, but it's scary finally seeing how important it is to save [BEEP] up.
killer of conversations
Realizing how close we are to September....pheeeww.
Everything is going to be okay.
Maybe.
I hope.
Last night Tim was out and he didn't have the key to the house, and I always lock the door when I'm home alone. He texted me when he left but it didn't go through, so when I heard someone pounding on the door at midnight I freaked the [BEEP] out. I should have known it was him but I was so scared I couldn't move. Finally he texted me again and after I let him in I ended up having a small panic attack. I was pissed that he didn't try harder to get in touch with me. He should know how I get when I'm home alone.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
People at work today. I didn't really know any of them and I worked all by myself the entire time at the direction of my team leader and was unsure if it was done on purpose because people don't like me. I was ok with it. It just seemed like the other people seemed upset.
killer of conversations
Finding out just now that I missed an important appointment today. Oops.
Guess I'll just have to re-book. This is a first. I've never made an appointment anywhere and had them not blow up my phone with reminders about the appt. date. I suppose there is a *small* chance it was never actually booked. Maybe they misunderstood me when I said I would get back to them about appointments 3 and 4, and thought I meant that I changed my mind about the first two as well. I will feel less like a failure if it was a misunderstanding. Still, FUCK. I needed this to be in the process of happening and I went and screwed everything up. I seem to excel at that.
Party up in the chat room. Thought about joining up...but nope. I'm sure everyone in there are all friends and I'd barely know anyone.
My supervisor wanted to know all about my family. I tried to change the subject but it kept coming up. I never know what to say to people about it.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
It was on Monday................
I had to be honest to a co-worker about her yelling at me, the teens and patrons. I was supposed to go out on Sat with my co-workers, but I was so sick of her yelling and demanding that she did the week before, that I skipped the event.
I told her on Monday in as nice a way possible. I said, "When you scream at me, I feel embarrassed. I need you to not scream at me or the teens or the patrons." She seemed hurt, but understood.
Now my anxiety is about standing up for my rights and setting boundaries. She's moping around like a victim. She spent the summer screaming at everyone and everything and I set a boundary. Why am I the bad guy?
These kind of things make me anxious. I know I have no control over others and if they don't understand or can't take someone setting honest boundaries, well, it's their problem, right? She's the type of person who finds it hard to take the blame for anything and makes excuses for her "blow ups."
It could be that she's pretty young and hasn't learned to deal with frustration. I just wanted to make sure I didn't set up the same scenario as my old job............that it's alright to yell at me or bully me.
And I have to stop making excused for other people's bad behavior. I have to stop saying it's ok to act that way towards me.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Now my anxiety is about standing up for my rights and setting boundaries. She's moping around like a victim. She spent the summer screaming at everyone and everything and I set a boundary. Why am I the bad guy?
These are things I don't think I'll ever understand. The person who thinks it is acceptable for them to ask this way. She would be upset if someone treated her the way she treats others. Right now I'm dealing with two younger workers, who for some reason or another don't like me. They don't say anything, but constantly give me the eye rolls and smirks at each other when I'm around. I've a teenage daughter who does this so I am used to it. These girls are maybe early 20s.
They are also really kind of mean with similar eye roll type of behavior to this girl who I guess has an alternative look going on. She is so very pretty despite her ear gauges, nose piercing, black and white hair, and tattoos. The best word to describe my two eye rollers is chubby short and squat. I kind of question why such a pretty girls is so into looking scary but she is very nice and smart and plans to be an art teacher or do something creative which is what I myself may have liked to do. The other two, well, one is a Mom of two at 20. She is nice. The other is very quiet and she also has tattoos which seems to be the thing among the younger set. I can see her working these low end type jobs forever.
They make me nervous because it is really hard to take the high road and not "avoid" them. By that I mean, I struggle to be pleasant and talk to them. They already hate me. Why should I try? This is the type of habit I've gotten into all my life. I get an unpleasant vibe off some people and I will not speak to them unless I absolutely have to.
I asked a question during a presentation - it made my heart thump in my chest, my feet become restless and blush like hell but I did it anyway
life---><---me
killer of conversations
Good for you, lasair!lasair
13 days until work starts and I grow more anxious by the day...
A minor mistake or two I made on the job.
Leaving voicemails. Also? EVERYTHING. My anxiety has just turned into a black hole today.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
Socially inept Koala
Is it sad that something as simple as putting gas in my car makes my anxiety sky-rocket? I mean sure it's a combination of things...1) I hate driving and driving anytime anywhere is a brutal experience and 2) this was the first REAL time I've had to put gas in my car (my mom would always fill it up for me) 3) Of course I screwed up and the gas attendant had to address me over the intercom as well. Thankfully everything turned out fine in the end but it is just so draining that something that is mundane to everyone else cripples me to the point I can barely function.
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