For the longest time, I opted out of interacting with people on social media. It was hard, but my attorney asked me to and so I did. Recently, he "lifted the ban", as I jokingly refer to it. Anyway, I'm finding that how I deal with social media now vs then has changed a lot.
So, there's a meaty story involved in all of this. If you want to skip to the end, be my guest.
Last night, I spent more time on my facebook than I usually do. Our little nephew (2 yrs old) was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes yesterday, and our family is expectedly upset. We were talking to each other about it using facebook. So I was on the site much longer than I normally am.
A friend from high school posted that she had enrolled her son in his new classes, and that she "was not holding him back a grade for sports, like a lot of other parents are doing this year." That's how she worded it. I was curious as to what was happening in my hometown, so I commented on her status. I also have experience with this issue, because my sons played football and hockey and I was usually a team mom for some of those years. I've seen firsthand what some parents will do to have a competitive edge. They try all kinds of desperate measures, but holding their child back a grade in school is probably one of the worst, in my experience.
So, a few of us are discussing this. There wasn't any "these people are dicks!" or "child abusers!" - it was just, hey I don't think that's right, either. I had this weird feeling as I was reading the other comments that any moment someone would say something totally out of context and start a huge fight. But, the comments kept coming - like 17 of them - all saying really the same thing. AND, these people all agreed and pointed out that holding a child back in a grade for maturity, grade reasons, absences - these were all certainly justifiable reasons to hold a child back, AND, ultimately, it was the parent's decision for their child's wellbeing. So I thought the arguments were pretty logical and well-rounded.
But then the insane Football Mom Lynch Mob descended.
Our hometown is small. Southern. Football is king there. Kids don't get picked up for academic scholarships; they get athletic scholarships, and not many of them. Like once every three decades. But the desperation is there on the part of the parents. They want their kid to go to college on a football or basketball full-ride. They want the glory. They're all convinced their kid is the Great Hope of our hometown.
Fine, I get it. When we saw how talented our son was at playing goalie, we entertained a few fantasies of him playing college, going pro. I think that's normal.
Anyway, back to the thread - about five of these women started picking apart my comments like buzzards. Even though no one was mentioned specifically (especially by me - I didn't know any of them), they accused ME of making [BEEP] up about them. Even though I never called anyone names, nor was I rude, they accused ME of calling them "stupid" and not watching how I "talk to people". Post after post defended their reasoning for holding their child back - he wasn't mature enough, he'd missed assignments, his birthday was such-and-such, and yes, some of it was sports, but noooooo, not all of it. It didn't matter how many other people came to my defense that I hadn't written anything like what they were accusing me of, they still picked that bone. It got ridiculous.
It honestly began as a general discussion with no angry undertones, and ended up this riotous "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!!" And, "YOU'RE A BULLY WHO WANTS TO BRAINWASH ME IN BELIEVING YOU'RE A BETTER PARENT THAN ME!" And, "NA-NA-NA-NA, I'M NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING BECAUSE YOU'RE SINGLING ME OUT UNFAIRLY SO I'M JUST GOING TO REPEAT MY REASONS 50 MORE TIMES IN THIS POST UNTIL I WIN!!"
As I watched this thing spin out of control and struggling with what I'd said previously - had I done what these women accused me of? Were my comments snotty or mean? - it dawned on me that a.) my tolerance for this level of bs was nothing like it used to be, and b.) some people, no matter what logic is before them, will fight and argue to the death to further their personal agenda. So it is worth even getting upset about, much less participating?
I will say I was pretty pissed off and had to close my facebook app. My face was burning, heart beating like crazy, mind spinning. I went back later to check on our family thread about our nephew (and to shut off my notifications on the sports thread) and saw where my friend had completely deleted the post. Honestly? I was glad.
So I've seen this other times, on tumblr, on twitter, of course - facebook. I've always admired those people who kept their cool and continued to focus on the discussion, rather than resorting to childish antics. But being in the hot seat last night, a part of me was really concerned.
How can I stay rational in the face of this stuff when my armor is so beat up?
And is it best just to avoid social media?
How do I protect myself so as not to take it personally when people are so nasty?
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Nightingale
