I know I have this disorder, but I also live in a bit of denial. I don't think I'm that bad or even that abnormal. Yet, sometimes when I contemplate getting help and start reading self help guides.... I realize how many of the things described I do, just normally kind of out of habit and I don't think I'm ever going to get better.
For instance I was reading what it's like to live with anxiety disorder, it gave the example of missing or skipping the first day of class because you want to skip the lets all introduce ourselves part. I honestly don't think I ever attended the first day of class in college because it is boring and generally you have to introduce yourself. Of course I'm not in school now, but I still dread things like this and avoid things like this.
At this point a lot of my social anxiety is who I am...I can firmly state I don't like having to introduce myself to a group and will avoid it. I avoid eye contact. I'm afraid to speak to certain people. If people are together and laughing or whispering in that urgent quiet manner I think they must be talking about me. Sometimes, I do not care!!! Is that good or not? I am sometimes so preoccupied with how I don't fit in. What do I do when I don't like someone? What do I do when I do like someone? How can you tell if people like you or not?
Due to the way I grew up, kind of isolated on a dairy farm with my family, I'm used to long stretches of being completely alone. I sometimes prefer it then dealing with people. How much being alone is ok.? I really suck at social situations, but I would like to get a better job.