Wanting to get help, but I don't know how to tell family

[obiwankendrobi]

I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember and have had panic attacks since I was a child, but I've gone untreated for so long, I'm really kind of lost. My family jokes a lot about mental disorders like they're something you can just "get over" or something. It made it really hard when I was a kid and figured out, basically, what was wrong with me.
Does anyone have any tips about telling your family that you want to get help? I don't drive, so I kind of depend on my dad or sister to take me places, so I do have to tell them what's up. I'm planning on calling tomorrow and making an appointment to see a doctor because everything just keeps getting worse and I really want to get better and be happy.

[CeCe]

I don't know how it is in your country, but in the US, teenagers with mood problems often find it more difficult to get professional help than adults with similar problems. As the saying goes, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

My suggestion is that before you do anything else, you write a detailed description of your situation. Include your thoughts and feelings and any other symptoms you might have. Be sure to write down things that can be observed, like hours of sleep and how much you eat. Write down things that have been affecting the way you feel. You might also want to spend some time on a diary, writing down how you're getting along from day to day and how you feel at different times of day.

You have a choice of sharing this information with one of your parents, or both of them, or another adult. That might be a relative, a counselor at your school, or your family doctor.

Because you can't count on getting therapy right away, you should know about the self help that's available. I'll tell you about clinically tested self-help and also give you some coping advice.

When things are especially bad, take things one at a time -- a day at a time, a morning at a time, or even five minutes. A favorite movie or music can help. Many people get relief by going for a walk. Within reason, some extra food will lift your spirits, whereas alcohol should be avoided. Don't isolate yourself. Talk with somebody, even if you don't feel like it.

Stay in touch with your feelings. When you have an unpleasant mood shift, take one or two slow, deep breaths and examine the thought that just occurred to you, in terms of its truth and its relevance to what you're doing at the moment. If you find yourself in a stressful situation, take slow, deep breaths until you're calm, then think carefully about what to do.

You can read a cognitive therapy book to find out about it. For some people, the book itself serves as a good treatment. The best one seems to be The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns, the book recommended most often by professionals. Studies that show its effectiveness are in Handbook of Self Help Therapies.

Other good books- the book on insomnia for women by Dr Meir Kryger, Depression Cure by Dr Steve Ilardi, about the healthy lifestyle program TLC (see Univ of Kansas TLC) .

There is a free online therapy program called MoodGYM. It’s offered by a university.

It wouldn't hurt for you to look at the stress reduction methods on the Internet. There are a number of good ones and you can see what's there that you like. Some are very simple like having things around you that smell very nice. I'll tell you a couple of my favorites.

Find time to relax - really relax. Lie on your back in a quiet room and close your eyes, then breathe slowly and deeply. Starting with the soles of your feet, be aware of the sensations of your body, going gradually from your feet to head, all the time being conscious of your breath. Spend maybe half an hour doing this. You may want to listen to some quiet music.

This is a stress-anxiety method called Muscle, Breath, Mind. It comes from different therapy approaches. Suppose I want to make myself a sandwich. I get up and go to the kitchen, getting out of my chair without hurrying and walking softly because whenever I hurry, that tenses my muscles. Before I open the fridge, I think about what I want. I notice that I forgot to take out the trash, which bothers me, but I take a few slow, deep breaths and remind myself that it's a minor problem. While I'm making the sandwich, I do everything carefully. If I feel any tension in my muscles, I relax. I get music that will please me while I eat, just the right kind. I sit down and eat the sandwich slowly, enjoying every bite. You can find many uses for this method in daily life.

Awareness of the breath is good for two reasons. It reminds you of the present moment. Most of your troubles are in the past or the furture. Awareness of breath is the thermostat of your emotions. In a stressful moment, you breath differently, and you can fix it with a couple of slow, deep breaths.

People with anxiety often fail to realize the freedom they have in responding to stressful situations. Someone may panic if he, for example, can't find his keys. He can learn to analyze a situation like this calmly, which lets him choose a good response. If, instead of panicking, he took a couple of deep breaths and considered the situation, it would occur to him that spare keys were nearby or that it wasn't all that important to arrive on time.

[QuietCalamity]

Ahhh stigma. My family has a similar attitude. They think I'm weak for taking anti-depressants, but I didn't get help until well after I moved out so I just don't talk to them about it.

I think it depends on how supportive your family is in other areas of your life.

If they are usually supportive and just uneducated in this area, maybe start out by telling the family member you are closest with while you are alone (cars are perfect for these kinds of talks) and telling them straight out, "My anxiety is so bad, I need help and I've wanted help for a long time. I know you don't think it's a big deal to feel this way, but it is to me," and be specific in telling them how much it has affected you. You could also try selling the medical nature of anxiety disorders. The fight-or-flight is physical and automatic. You could mention that you've been reading up on it and the most successful treatment for anxiety according to research is anti-depressants with therapy at the same time.

If they are usually dismissive about a lot of things and you don't think that would go over well, maybe you could ask to be dropped off/ picked up. Then you could see the doctor alone and tell a white lie to your family about why you're seeing him/her. It's not any of their business anyway and you could always discuss what the doctor said afterword.

Hope that helps. Did you make the appointment?

[obiwankendrobi]

Thank you, QuietCalamity! I was thinking of doing that anyway, because they're not really knowledgeable of mental disorders and think that you can "just get over it." They thought I was depressed once when I was in high school and flipped out on me and accused me of doing drugs and just acted like it was my fault that I didn't feel well.
I have really bad migraines, so I thought I'd tell them that's what I'm doing.
Also, I'm 25, CeCe. I live with them because, economically, it's better for all of us. And the one time I planned to move out, they told me they had raised me better and insinuated that I was a [BEEP] so...:/
Also driving is a huge problem for me. When I try to drive, I freak out and can't really breathe.

[Chantellabella]

I've suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember and have had panic attacks since I was a child, but I've gone untreated for so long, I'm really kind of lost. My family jokes a lot about mental disorders like they're something you can just "get over" or something. It made it really hard when I was a kid and figured out, basically, what was wrong with me.
Does anyone have any tips about telling your family that you want to get help? I don't drive, so I kind of depend on my dad or sister to take me places, so I do have to tell them what's up. I'm planning on calling tomorrow and making an appointment to see a doctor because everything just keeps getting worse and I really want to get better and be happy.

Hi and welcome to the forum. I understand about a family seeing a problem as some big embarrassing thing. They start blaming themselves or each other because they don't understand. But I think it's great that you'll see a doctor. If a doctor feels you have a problem, maybe you can help your parents understand that mental issues are like physical issues. They still affect your ability to accomplish things in life as being in a wheelchair would.

I found the best way to deal with telling someone something is to just go ahead and do it and deal with the fallout. If you hesitate to confront them about this, it will only get much bigger of a problem later on.

[obiwankendrobi]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement, chantellabella! My brother in law is actually a counselor so I think maybe having him explain things would help. He could put things into words better than I.
Ah the hokey pokey. <3