Help me, I have social anxiety?

[Fincake]

Okay, so I am a very introverted and withdrawn person. I detest being this way, but I can t help how I am. I am trying so hard to become more of an extrovert but it s really difficult. I watched this video on confidence and it said that in order to become more confident, you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations. I work at a restaurant which I know isn t ideal for someone like me. I get so nervous and I end up shaking sometimes. Anyway, I also study at college and I thought I d talk to strangers as it would help me become more confident. Anyway, I walked up to two guys and one girl who were using laptops. I switched my internet off and pretended that I didn t know how to connect and asked them if they could help me, they showed me how to do it and as opposed to walking away, I sat right near them. I then asked them what course they were doing and they told me. There was a little small talk and then it ended. They were talking back enthusiastically but I realised that I was the only one who was asking the questions, so I stopped as I got self conscious. I thought to myself, they ll be the ones who will continue it if they want as I have initiated enough conversation. They didn t continue talking to me as I m pretty sure they expected me to...maybe? Anyway, they continued talking amongst themselves and eventually left. Also during all of this, my hands were kind of shaking, I noticed.

Also, I don't know what they think of me? What if they think I'm a loser? aahhhh

[merc]

I don't know I'm usually very introverted and very shy, but sometimes when for some reason or another when I feel comfortable enough I can really chat. Meaning I wind up doing most of the talking and asking question, I also know that I'm not too selective in whom I talk to and some people who are actually friends seem startled by some of the people I talk too. I'll give an example from today. There is this woman who wears this shoes that look like some kind of clog with spring heels. One of my co-workers actually wanted to buy her some new shoes because they thought they were falling apart. Other younger co-workers inclination was to make fun of her style and "of course" call her clipptey clop.

I asked her what kind of shoes were they? I've never seem shoes like that before. They are designed to help her with severe back pain. I asked if they work and she said yes. I don't know why some people's first inclination is to make fun of someone.

Any way I doubt if those people think you are a loser. Just continue to greet them and make small talk and they may or may not become friends or acquaintances. I wish I could explain or rather understand what happens to me sometimes when I "freeze." It's so very hard to be remotely normal when I get this way although I 'm not sure the chatty version of me is better.

[Chantellabella]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you had that experience. Starting up conversations can be daunting, especially with a group of people. So don't beat yourself up over it. That was a huge step. Maybe try that same tactic with only one person next time and see if it's a little easier to keep the conversation going.

[QCat1]

I feel you, I go through something really similar quite often. I am also very introverted, and I really dislike it, too. I wish I had more friends, more people to talk to, more support, more people that liked me, more people to go out and do things with. It just seems like the happier, more fulfilled, and overall better life. Extroverted people also seem to be more accepted, since people gravitate towards them...I always wanted to be gravitated towards. Like...people like that just seem so...loved and cared for. Happy.

But. I have(or, had) some friends that were extroverted, and I asked them what it was like. They said it was good, but like everything, came with its bad sides too. They never felt like they could get away to solitude when they needed to, because someone was always trying to talk to/hang out with them. They felt like they were never allowed to not be all "yay yay happy happy!" all the time without someone thinking someone was wrong with them. They often felt like, yes, plenty of people go them them, but who do they have to go to? They often lack deep connections, and are friends with people on a mostly superficial way.

Truth is, if you are an introvert and your energy naturally comes from within, you probably do not have enough energy to be an extrovert. It is EXHAUSTING. Phone always going off. Always having to have that happy face. Never being able to retreat w/o feeling bad about it. Always having to have a fun attitude, focusing on pleasing others and keeping them happy. It is a lot. Even extroverts get exhausted by it sometimes. I gave it a hefty try and realized that all that glitter is not gold. It just takes so much, sooo much. Too much. At least for my interoverted self lol.

Try accepting yourself more, and accepting your introverted nature. There is a lot of power in being an introvert. Do more research on that, the pros to & power of being an introvert. Don't try to change the basic nature of your being, because it'll most likely end in frustration and self-consciousness...be happy being you.

With that being said, if you want to work on talking to people, trying one at a time may be better. And in less "awkward" situations? The place where you went to, they may have been too busy studying. Try more social places, parties and kickbacks, things of that nature. I hope things get better.

[Demerzel]

I think what you did is great; It was very proactive. I see it as a success. The only advice I can think of is to keep doing what you did, but don't overwhelm yourself. If anything, you'll at least become more comfortable in social situations little by little. Kudos, and don't forget to pat yourself on the back.