I don't know how to get out of this situation.

[EColegrove]

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.

I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost in life, I have no Idea what I'm
Doing or where I'm going. I think my main problem is my anxiety which keeps me from
experiencing opportunities, meeting new people and just getting on with my life. The
other thing would have to just be the lack of knowing the things that interest me,
I mean the only thing that I get enjoyment out of is hanging out with my mate and even
too much of that gets boring, I'm really hoping that all of this is the result of my
anxiety making my life seem sour when I know It's not there are people out there way
worse then me.

I've had my anxiety from around the age of six and its always stopped me from doing
things like school trips, socializing and anything that I wanted to do that I know
would make me anxious. I didn't really get drawn to any particular subjects, making
friends was more important to me because I knew it would make me happy, I would
hang out with friends rather then doing my homework which is why I didn't do so well
in school. And to this day I would still probably hang out with friends then do
work and I hate that way of thinking.

So after school I got a part time job that isn't bad if you like the type of work
but It's not for me. I'm now 20 and I'm pretty much going round in circles as far as careers
go. It'll pretty much go like this, research a career, read up about it and get
exited, anxiety kicks in a throws some worrisome thoughts and scenarios at me,
I get the thought "am I really interested in this to want to do it as a career" and I can't
answer this because I don't know what the career is really like because every time
I look up doing volunteering I get the anxious thoughts and scenarios that hold me
back. I mean I'm interested in health and helping people so I looked up physiotherapy
and I seemed interested in it, but then came the thoughts of

"what if I accidentally injured or killed someone, I might get sent to prison"
how could I do a job with this thought in my mind every day, I'd probably drive myself
crazy worrying if what I did to a patient would injure or kill them.
or
"what if when I volunteer I can't think of anything to say and I just sit there in
awkward silence"
or
"What if the place has lifts and I have to either go in one or say I don't like them
which would make it awkward"
or what If I try all of the careers that seem interesting and I turns out that
actually none of them interest me, then I'll just be stuck at some job I don't even
like. And these things terrify me enough to make just make me retreat and not pursue it further.

I know that all of these things probably stem from the anxiety but I just feel like my
whole perception of life is off. I somehow feel that everything needs to be perfect
for me to be happy, perfect job, perfect friends and I know that this will not happen
and I know that I could be happy in the situation I'm in now, yeah sure it's not ideal
but it's no where near as bad as other peoples situations so why can't I just do that
why can't I just pick a career and go for it, why can't I go out and socialize and
make more friends instead of sitting at home and wishing I had more, why can't I be
someone who would do their homework instead of going out with mates. Is it that I
truly have nothing that interests me outside of socializing because I can't make money
from that. Why am I so awkward why can't I be like a normal person and find a career that
interests me do the training needed, meet people along the way and live a decent life
with a job that interest's me enough to want to do it everyday and friends that I can
have a laugh with. I just relay don't know.

Please if anyone has gone through this please tell me how you did it
because at the moment I just don't know if this is going to end. Also any
advice on what my next steps could be because I really don't know what
to do.


Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[merc]

Sometimes you just have to pick a direction and stick with it a bit. Sure some of us make mistakes in picking a career, but you are never really stuck. That is just the anxiety talking. My advise to you, at the old age of 20, is to do what ever job training interests you. It's better moving in one direction than standing still. You may have a chance to earn more money which enables you to have more choices. Which is a good thing. It gets harder to get training and education the older you get.

I'm sure many of your friends are going through the same thing. I'm still very unsure of what I want to be when I grow up, I'm 49. I went to college. I worked as a reporter. I miss it a little, but I'm terrified that I can't handle the stress of reporting. I know that I'm happier not doing that, but what to choose? I still can't make up my mind.

[Chloe]

Picking a career is a very tricky thing to do.
The chances of many of your worries happening are very remote. Think of reasons why the thoughts are wrong and argue with yourself it's helped me by having written down reasons why my worrys are nonfounded
- your worry about the patient, there is safeguarding which looks at each individual case and puts up barriers to prevent harm from being done
- not thinking of anything to say, research the setting and peoples condition you'll be working with dementia for example there are countless questions to be asked and the people are normally very interested to find out about you or tell you about themselves
- with lifts it depends on the size of your setting I've been into two dementia care homes and one adult learning difficulty home and there's been no lifts there. But it all depends on the setting this is where the research sets in. It is something that a care home would brag about as it means better access around a home with wheelchairs so looking into it ahead and talking it over with you placement coordinator could help you avoid that for now
Picking a career is a very scary thing as it will impact the rest of your life, it sounds as though you get very stuck with these what ifs and as though they're holding you back quite a bit. Have you considered seeing a councillor to help you break through all of this

Personally I always ditched friends and interests for education work. I could almost be the same as you I'm 20 in October, in a retail job where the main appeal for me is customers or the guys I work with. I'm caught between changing what career I'm aiming to do and getting a lot of contradictory advice about being a teacher or teaching assistant which has left me a bit lost similar to you. My main focus is aim for what makes me happy which you've identified, getting past the worries that come with it for me it is realising yes I can be an authority figure in a position of power and trust. And now I just need to finish the college course I'm on.

No one can or really should take over you life and give you a step by step for it. If you're really struggling for help think of where you want to be by the age of 40 do you want that kind of house with a family or a certain type of car and social life use that as your motivator to push through the what if anxiety barrier

Pm of you want to talk to me more

[Inscrutable Banana]

Heh, you sound like me. I feel completely lost in life and I'm constantly talking myself out of applying for regular jobs or settling on something I feel I have enough interest in to pursue as a career. Considering I still don't know how to get my own [BEEP] together, I'm not sure what I can say that hasn't already been said by merc and Chloe, but I'll certainly agree with merc saying that "It's better moving in one direction than standing still;" of course, the problem we often face is that knowing something and doing something are two entirely different things.

For whatever it's worth, I can definitely relate to your situation.