Random up and down mood shifts. One minute I feel fine, the other I feel horrible. Why can't it just stay in one place??
Having to make unpleasant phone calls tomorrow.
That play I went to see with new bf was absolutely TERRIFYING with a massive capital letter T. It was FULL OF TRIGGERS.
O...M...G 0_0
It was an adaptation of an ancient Greek tragedy but was set in this creepy, trippy post-apocalyptic world. There were scary gas masks, tons of blood, screaming dying women, a rape scene, a (fake) mutilated dead baby, a fifteen-minute scene involving a terrifying, possessed psychopath, a lot of gore, very real thunder and lightning effects, several graphic onstage deaths, and a horrifying soundtrack with really menacing music.
And that was all just the first act.
My heart rate shot up about ten minutes into the show and my heart continued to race like a motherfucker for the whole rest of the thing. I got shaky and I even cried a little.
I felt bad because we were sitting in the front row and there was pretty literally no escape. Not unless we wanted to be rude and walk in front of six rows of people. I covered my eyes a lot, I know, what a big baby... Oy...
New bf felt truly horrible for traumatizing me, and explained that if he'd known the play was this graphic, we would've stayed in and had movie night instead. He held my hand the whole time (I hope no one noticed) and kept telling me it was OK- "Shh, Keddy, it's OK. It's fake."
Oy.
I'm sleeping over with him again tonight and I am making damn sure that his body does not move one inch away from mine until the morning. I already know what nightmares are in store for me. Probably more like night terrors
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
BF insisted he sign off skype so I could go sleep because I seemed sleepy. I felt offended for no fuckin reason. I kept thinking "Ok, he doesn't want to talk to me." When that is absolutely false. I am tired/sleepy, but since I wanted to keep talking to him, I claimed I'm not tired. But he knows me pretty well to figure I am sleepy/tired, even online (especially since my responses were rather brief to his long msgs about his school projects and all). So it makes sense to let me go sleep. But no, instead... I felt hurt and offended, feeling as if I did something wrong, when I KNOW that is not the case at all.
So pathetic. So hard trying to keep a more rational state of mind; this is what's most frustrating.
The fact that I'm still conscious at 1AM. I should hop into bed an hope I can remedy that without having to wait two hours and potentially cry a little before I can finally fall asleep. :/
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
Can't fucking shake this depression
Sucks when my gf and I are PMSing at the same time. We had an argument on Skype which culminated in her suddenly cutting me off and saying "Ok I'm really tired and I want to sleep now. Bye" and hanging up without saying "I love you", which made cry like a fucking loser. Great way to end an already awful day
Due to once having health coverage and good jobs ... dentist said "you have very few fillings" after initially inspecting me... upon leaving was shown on a piece of paper that they are going to schedule me for 7 fillings One a deep one. And it's going to cost me over 1,000 even after insurance pays their part
I have 7 cavities that need to be fixed. And somebody recently screwed me over and it cost me about $1,000.00 wiped out my savings.
This is not a fun thing. I am not smiling.
My mom just texted me and was like "KENDALL WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?? I AM WORRIED" in all caps like that, when I've told her at least 10 times today that I'm with my bf and that I'm not coming home tonight because I have school tomorrow and he lives on campus. I'm in a serious relationship now and I have no desire to be home. I'm trying to move back onto campus next semester.
I'm not really upset with my mom, I'm just annoyed that I can't have any freedom. I'm almost 21, I should be allowed to stay with my boyfriend for a few days at a time without having my mother worry that I was kidnapped and thrown in a ditch on the side of the highway somewhere.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
I love you guys too and you guys are too awesome, for real Anxiety Space is my safe haven.
My hormones are all over the place today
My girlfriend just texted me on Whatsapp and we both apologized and now everything is back to normal, so that's good. Now I can have a peaceful night of sleep (I really need that cause my day totally sucked)