I think I'm going to remain in Montreal, perhaps until the end of July. I ran the numbers and my savings from moving to Toronto would only be $350. I'm too dead exhausted to move yet again. It would be easier to find work there for sure... But I'msotired. I don't want to move again. It's too soon ;_;
I just cut the hell out of myself shaving >.<
When am I gonna learn...?
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
I think that's what I'll do. It's not really as simple as a train ride- it's accounting for transportation (which is the suckiest part of moving IMO), getting paperwork in order, changing phone number AGAIN, settling in. It's tedious.
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Cabin fever if I stay in; agoraphobia if I go out. I've found some places I'd like to volunteer at, some women's homes, and I've drafted my emails but too afraid to send them.
Two weeks and I've figured nothing out. I'm as depressed here as I was back there. I'm taking my meds so it can't be that. I think this confirms that I'm the problem, not my mom or being in the wrong program or whatever else.
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I don't know what to do anymore. I have no more confidence to apply for work or even volunteering anymore. That phone interview and emails just keep bouncing around in my head.
OK, why do people at my work think it's alright to play Flappy Bird... of all things... on their phones during meetings...?
Some people need a high-five. In the face. With a TABLE.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
I ran out of coffee, and my head feels foggy. Depression has faded to a dull ache. And it's loud as [BEEP] outside, banging and drilling and doors slamming, all in the hallway outside my room- what the hell are they doing??
Edit: I got my answer, it's some guys installing heaters.
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I ate a new brand of ramen and now the right inside of my mouth feels funny. And I don't know where I'm living at the end of this month. Ughhhh this sucks. At least I've narrowed down the city!
My personal essay has finally been published in a magazine. Which is great... but it's hard to be happy about it when the people at the magazine edited your photo to the max, making you look like a totally different person and 20 years older.
Atrocious.
Even my BF felt it didn't even look like me in the magazine.
Is it online, Jen? I'd love to read it.
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.” — George Carlin
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little." — George Carlin
I'm even annoying my own damn self with my negativity.
I love my life.
I feel very blessed and grateful.
So why oh why is it so important to revisit the past in therapy? Yes, I'm still split. And yes, those parts need a voice. But it would be so nice to get all parts of me to understand that it's 2014 and there's no need to feel terror, shame, worthlessness, mistrust, and confusion.
Sadness.............yes
Anger...............yes
Those are parts of grieving and I'm grieving the loss of many years of my life.
But the rage, anxiety, and all the other misplaced emotions are so frustrating to have.
I try to work. I try to relax. I try to remember how safe and happy I am now.
Those past emotions make that very difficult.
I know it's temporary, but geesh!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
Hashtags #piss #me #off
Every time I read a freaking news story online or I watch a YouTube video or I download music, there is a #HASHTAG staring straight at me. We are told to use #hashtags at work for #public #relations.
What is the point of them anyway? As someone who doesn't use social media, I feel like I have no use for them.
Hashtags are #annoying. I don't even like the word #hashtag.
Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. I'm just #angry
#Keddy
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot