I love this.....
Attachment 4368
There are parts of this that people in my life DO NOT GET AT ALL.
My family cannot even say my ex's name. The one that committed suicide. They cannot even SAY HER NAME. If I mention her, they immediately change the subject, or there is this cold, dead silence in the room. And then they change the subject.
No one, NO ONE, NO ONE has ever helped me grieve, or remember her, or honor her in any way. The only exceptions are her daughters. We grieved together.
I've been criticized for saying no to invitations, even when I was still grieving, days after she passed.
The way I act while I was (and still am) grieving have been misinterpreted much of the time.
If you don't "get" the way I act since I witnessed her suicide, then just wait. If you've never lost someone close to you, and felt them take their last breath, just wait. It will probably happen to you at some point. Not like it happened to me. More than likely, it won't be a suicide, and you won't have to carry the guilt I do every second of every fuqing day. But you will, at some point, go through grief. And it will change you.
Come back, and judge me after that. After you've felt the grief of losing a loved one, someone who's a part of you, come back and judge me for the way I've handled myself and managed my life since witnessing a loved one's suicide. Make as many judgments as you want, after that.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
You think you're the only one with a shitty past? Who's had shitty expierences? [BEEP] off.
You don't know me. You don't know anything about me or what I've been through, it seems. Yet you want to justify everything you do.
I doubt you can even comprehend what happened. Instead you'll sit just there making excuses, having not even bothered to listen to what I was telling you. It doesn't matter, really.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I really don't know what to think, what to feel anymore wrt my ex.
I don't even know.
I was in a family therapy session a few years ago. Not long after my oldest daughter found out that my ex actually committed suicide. And she called her, she referred to her, as her stepmother.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
I sat there in this stunned silence, and so did my ex-wife.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
So.
The rest of my life will be reacting to, and running from that.
Thanks. This is reminiscent of my childhood. wow. I'm so underwhelmelmed.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
Anyway it doesn't fuqing matter.
Move on.
Go on.
WTF ever.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
Ffs.
For.
Fuqs.
Sake.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
What's bothering me?
I look at the world and I see fear all around.
People reacting to fear and making poor decisions.
People afraid they are not good enough and therefore act out of jealousy, self harm or self-deprecation.
I see a frightened planet.
I know the world is a scary place. It's hard to cope here.
But I also know that there must be some reason for all this suffering. This misery here.
So what's bothering me, is that I see so many people losing hope. I see them giving into fear.
And I get sad.
I just wish people would remember to look for things like butterflies, hummingbirds, and a smiling child. Not that the world is all unicorns and rainbows. I know it's not.
But it does ease the journey.
And it gives us a break from fear.
That's what's bothering me.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
*breathe*
Just
*breathe*
Stupid people are everywhere. Yep. They're everywhere. It doesn't mean you have to include them in your life.
Just.
*breathe*
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
I had to ask my dad to go get my kids tonight, I just couldn't do it. I was violently ill. I mean, bad. Idk why stress comes through, manifests itself through stomach aches for me.
But it sucks. It really sucks. I only get to see my kids every other weekend. I miss them. I really miss them. I'll try again tomorrow. I hate this.
My stomach doctor thinks it's all in my head. I hate him. He doesn't even believe me.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
Don't know what's me and what's not me. Am I the me without the pills, or the me that's medicated? I know I can't even begin to function without them and I'd probably just end up in hospital if I were to come off of them, but it does beg the question? Is of all this just some illusion? Which reality is the real one? Which me is me? It all seems like me, all of it feels like me yet it doesn't feel like me at all.
Its not that I feel emotionally numbed, I mean sure everything feels eerily calm and is somewhat quietenedon in my head and I'm not used to it. I'm used to strong waves of mood and thoughts that yell at you and won't shut the hell up. Woke up shaking after I dreamt how bad it used to be. I can't ever go through that again, I'm scared it'll come back. Nobody gets how scared I am that one day, all of it will just come back, ever so strong. And then I'll trash up my life again and probably even enjoy doing so.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I worry about my kids. I worry about them a lot.
My daughter was in a psychiatiric hospital. Not long ago.
She and I had a complete breakdown, crying in the visitation room. Just a complete meltdown.
I worry about my kids.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
She started crying. And I held her in my arms. And then I started crying. We were just a mess.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.