Anything bothering you right now?

[L]

Sorry, everyone, that I've been so miserable lately
I know all my posts have been depressing and I'm sorry if I scared anyone. I've just been feeling so shitty lately
I don't think I want to die as badly as I think I do, if that makes any sense. I'm pretty easy to talk down from doing anything once I look for help in the right places.
For now I'm safe and I just want to work on getting better.
/Keddy

And you are doing a good job

[SmileyFace]

Sorry, everyone, that I've been so miserable lately
I know all my posts have been depressing and I'm sorry if I scared anyone. I've just been feeling so shitty lately
I don't think I want to die as badly as I think I do, if that makes any sense. I'm pretty easy to talk down from doing anything once I look for help in the right places.
For now I'm safe and I just want to work on getting better.
/Keddy

*giant bear hug*

[Heelsbythebridge]

I've had a headache on the right side of my head since yesterday evening. 500 mg of acetaminophen couldn't make it go away.

[Inscrutable Banana]

Argh, why can't I do anything productive? I can't find the motivation to do anything other than sit at my damn computer all day, and I don't even really feel motivated to do that anymore.

[L]

My dress does not look good on me fuck

[IllusionOfHappiness]

Sorry, everyone, that I've been so miserable lately
I know all my posts have been depressing and I'm sorry if I scared anyone. I've just been feeling so shitty lately
I don't think I want to die as badly as I think I do, if that makes any sense. I'm pretty easy to talk down from doing anything once I look for help in the right places.
For now I'm safe and I just want to work on getting better.
/Keddy

No need to apologize for feeling bad or venting about it. That's the whole point of this place.

[Keddy]

And you are doing a good job

*giant bear hug*

No need to apologize for feeling bad or venting about it. That's the whole point of this place.

Thank you guys

[Keddy]

Allergies are kicking my butt. Oy.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Two weeks. It's hitting me that my parents are simply going to flip. their. shit.

It doesn't matter that I'm nearly 22- in their heads, I'm still about 10 years old. Mom still tells me not to answer the door if a stranger knocks. LOL.

My brother earlier, again: "So how long will you be gone?"

Moi: "Somewhere between a month and forever. In that general timeframe, more or less."

Ugh I'm going to go broke in like two months and terrible things will happen, I just know it. If life has taught me anything, besides Lie well and Lie often, it's that it can ALWAYS be worse. Always. Unless you're almost dead, then it can only get better.

[Chantellabella]

Ugh I'm going to go broke in like two months and terrible things will happen, I just know it. If life has taught me anything, besides Lie well and Lie often, it's that it can ALWAYS be worse. Always. Unless you're almost dead, then it can only get better.

Sometimes our own words can defeat us. If you really believe this, then it has a likelihood of happening.

How about, "I'll struggle and have to cut back to eating tuna fish, but damn it, I'm going to make this work. I want to!!"

I left home when I was 15 with nothing but a backpack, 2 sets of clothes and my toothbrush. Sure I struggled. But I survived. It was a really bad time in my life, but I never gave up because home was worse.

I learned on the street to erase the phrase, "I can't" out of my life.

You may struggle. And you may not. We can't see into the future unless you set yourself up to fulfill your beliefs.

[Chloe]

Not sure if it's just one of those days when I just feel like crap and so unimportant to myself or anyone else or if I've gone into another funk hopefully it'll be nice and quiet at work and I can just come home, switch on a movie and just curl up in bed and ignore the world


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SmileyFace]

My mom's sure lost her marbles...

[Koalafan]

Can you birds please stop shitting on my car!! It would be greatly appreciated

[Heelsbythebridge]

Sometimes our own words can defeat us. If you really believe this, then it has a likelihood of happening.

How about, "I'll struggle and have to cut back to eating tuna fish, but damn it, I'm going to make this work. I want to!!"

I left home when I was 15 with nothing but a backpack, 2 sets of clothes and my toothbrush. Sure I struggled. But I survived. It was a really bad time in my life, but I never gave up because home was worse.

I learned on the street to erase the phrase, "I can't" out of my life.

You may struggle. And you may not. We can't see into the future unless you set yourself up to fulfill your beliefs.

I don't believe in the "Believe it and you can do it" kind of thinking. It's never made a modicum of difference... The only thing it does is serve to inspire others, which is fine, but I think a realism-to-faith ratio shouldn't be more than 75:25 at most.

I know I have a realistic chance that things will be okay, as I am relatively prepared, have the moral support of my older brother, and am not a complete moron. But I also know that I can't take medication anymore, I do not meet the language requirements for work where I'm going, I can't afford rent at the place where I would be going later, I'll be completely alone at both places, I have a limited amount of savings to draw from, the health problems that developed two years ago are still affecting me everyday and cost a small fortune to control, and I fantasize about my own death everyday no matter what's going on in my life. That I no longer see a future for myself.

I don't lie to myself. Tuna's pretty uneconomical actually- it's like a dollar per can. It's more, "I could live on peanut butter and ramen everyday, and after the honeymoon period of being somewhere new, I'm going to be just as miserable there as I am here. This will only be confirmation of what I already know."

I'll use "I can't" if it's a fact. e.g. I can't speak French fluently. I can learn, but the amount I learn from daily living and my dictionary isn't going to bring me to the proficiency needed for anything substantial (especially since I am very socially anxious and not likely to engage much). Is it possible to become functionally fluent in a few months for me? Sure. Would I be able to compare to native speakers, of which there is an abundance? Of course not. And when doing work that requires speaking- especially to customers and clients- you need to have proficient communication. But will I still try? That's something I've never stopped doing.

And yes, I have looked at work that doesn't require direct interaction with customers. Even most of those require bilingualism, and I have saved the ones that don't to apply to later. I've looked at volunteer postings for opportunities to practice, and I am not kidding, but 80% of them were "French only" postings- I am partially literate in French, but the likelihood that the place I'd be volunteering at speaking more English than French... is discouraging. Montreal also has a lot less posted jobs than Vancouver and Toronto... It's seriously ironic to me that Vancouver has everything I need right now, but due to everything that's gone on short- and long-term, it's not where I can be. Everywhere else is a downgrade!!

Sorry Cindy, I know how grumpy and bitchy this post is coming off. It's not directed at you but just expressing my own frustration- You're a real survivor and I've told you several times already, I admire you a great deal for your life and what you've been able to do. If you were my friend or sister at that time, I would be having angina pains from how much I'd be thinking and worrying about you- what you did was nuts. But I'm not like that. I'm nearly 22 and barely know how the world works, I've been extremely sheltered and haven't left my Metro area in about 10 years. I can't even do my taxes right, and all I have to do is get the documents together for Dad to give the accountant (my government did an audit on me last year!- turned out they owed me money, but could have easily been the other way). I'm like 5 years old in independence.

As well, I would rather put stake into objective examination than rely on my rose-coloured glasses. I mean I'll put them on as appropriate, but that's not right now. I had believed all kinds of things for myself, for my life, at one time. It's why I've been running to you guys crying this entire time

[Chantellabella]

I don't believe in the "Believe it and you can do it" kind of thinking. It's never made a modicum of difference... The only thing it does is serve to inspire others, which is fine, but I think a realism-to-faith ratio shouldn't be more than 75:25 at most.

I know I have a realistic chance that things will be okay, as I am relatively prepared, have the moral support of my older brother, and am not a complete moron. But I also know that I can't take medication anymore, I do not meet the language requirements for work where I'm going, I can't afford rent at the place where I would be going later, I'll be completely alone at both places, I have a limited amount of savings to draw from, the health problems that developed two years ago are still affecting me everyday and cost a small fortune to control, and I fantasize about my own death everyday no matter what's going on in my life. That I no longer see a future for myself.

I don't lie to myself. Tuna's pretty uneconomical actually- it's like a dollar per can. It's more, "I could live on peanut butter and ramen everyday, and after the honeymoon period of being somewhere new, I'm going to be just as miserable there as I am here. This will only be confirmation of what I already know."

I'll use "I can't" if it's a fact. e.g. I can't speak French fluently. I can learn, but the amount I learn from daily living and my dictionary isn't going to bring me to the proficiency needed for anything substantial (especially since I am very socially anxious and not likely to engage much). Is it possible to become functionally fluent in a few months for me? Sure. Would I be able to compare to native speakers, of which there is an abundance? Of course not. And when doing work that requires speaking- especially to customers and clients- you need to have proficient communication. But will I still try? That's something I've never stopped doing.

And yes, I have looked at work that doesn't require direct interaction with customers. Even most of those require bilingualism, and I have saved the ones that don't to apply to later. I've looked at volunteer postings for opportunities to practice, and I am not kidding, but 80% of them were "French only" postings- I am partially literate in French, but the likelihood that the place I'd be volunteering at speaking more English than French... is discouraging. Montreal also has a lot less posted jobs than Vancouver and Toronto... It's seriously ironic to me that Vancouver has everything I need right now, but due to everything that's gone on short- and long-term, it's not where I can be. Everywhere else is a downgrade!!

Sorry Cindy, I know how grumpy and bitchy this post is coming off. It's not directed at you but just expressing my own frustration- You're a real survivor and I've told you several times already, I admire you a great deal for your life and what you've been able to do. If you were my friend or sister at that time, I would be having angina pains from how much I'd be thinking and worrying about you- what you did was nuts. But I'm not like that. I'm nearly 22 and barely know how the world works, I've been extremely sheltered and haven't left my Metro area in about 10 years. I can't even do my taxes right, and all I have to do is get the documents together for Dad to give the accountant (my government did an audit on me last year!- turned out they owed me money, but could have easily been the other way). I'm like 5 years old in independence.

As well, I would rather put stake into objective examination than rely on my rose-coloured glasses. I mean I'll put them on as appropriate, but that's not right now. I had believed all kinds of things for myself, for my life, at one time. It's why I've been running to you guys crying this entire time

No worries my friend. You don't sound grouchy. You're being realistic and nobody can fault you on your honesty.

I wish you much luck in this move. I hope it turns out better than you think and that it's the beginning of something good for you.