Anything bothering you right now?

[Keddy]

I am in such a horrible, shitty mood today. My brother had a friend over and they were being extremely loud so at one point I yelled down the stairs "SHUT UP!!!" at the top of my lungs and my dad came in and yelled at me for it. I don't know what my dad has up his a$$ but he really hates me.
I was at an event at my college earlier and my friends and I were running around shooting each other with water guns, that was hilarious, but as soon as I got home I was bored and irritated. I can't wait to move out of my parents' house. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH...

[Keddy]

Ah sweetie why would you be at fault for my social retardness? This has been like, the most awkward week of my entire life.

And I've had a lot of awkward weeks.

This beats out everything. Even the time I allegedly drunk-molested a friend's boyfriend while his parents and little sister were at home, was kicked out with my shoes thrown at me, and banned from there for life. And then to see him again the following days.

Awh I'm sorry your week is sucking so badly
You're not socially retarded. If anything, I am, LOL. Every day is an awkward day for me. Glad my advice wasn't a problem though.
How did Thomas the Train come up then? LOL I'm curious.

[Koalafan]

My freaking allergies!!!!

[Keddy]

I know I post dumb complaints in this thread a lot but this is really, really serious
I was prescribed a nasal spray called Afrin for my respiratory infection. For the past few days since I've been on it, I've had trouble smelling and tasting things. I could still taste a little bit and I was still eating but now I can't smell or taste anything at all. My sense of smell is completely knocked out.
My dad told me to try putting cayenne pepper in my mouth to see if I could taste that. It's extremely spicy. I couldn't taste the hot cayenne pepper.
I called my doctor's office and told them what was going on and they said that it's a very, very unusual side effect but some people who have used Afrin have permanently lost their sense of smell and taste
I'm really upset right now. I don't know what I'll do if I can never taste anything again It's a really horrible thing to lose a major sense

[Heelsbythebridge]

Did you guys hear about the gold presented to me on a silver platter?

I took the platter. Wait, that's not right. I'm being handed gold on a silver platter and not only am I not taking the gold, I'm flipping the platter over and running away.

Hi, NHL playoffs. Look like it'll be quality time between you and me while I go broke with no job.

[Kesky]

Did you guys hear about the gold presented to me on a silver platter?

I took the platter. Wait, that's not right. I'm being handed gold on a silver platter and not only am I not taking the gold, I'm flipping the platter over and running away.

Hi, NHL playoffs. Look like it'll be quality time between you and me while I go broke with no job.

scratch what i said. i just got on and hadn't gotten the full scoop

[Heelsbythebridge]

The fact that I'm being offered a job with a ton of hours, good pay, two chances for raises within 9 months of employment, and the nicest boss in the goddamn world... and I'm forced to say no because I'm a headcase.

Also just a quick correction, one of my old bosses is probably on the same nicecess scale as this guy. I forgot about him because he was only my boss for about three or four months (another guy took over, and then I left after that for unrelated reasons).
-

My allergies are killing me, and I can't seem to stomach food right now.

[Kesky]

rain

[Kesky]

The fact that I'm being offered a job with a ton of hours, good pay, two chances for raises within 9 months of employment, and the nicest boss in the goddamn world... and I'm forced to say no because I'm a headcase.

Also just a quick correction, one of my old bosses is probably on the same nicecess scale as this guy. I forgot about him because he was only my boss for about three or four months (another guy took over, and then I left after that for unrelated reasons).
-

My allergies are killing me, and I can't seem to stomach food right now.

maybe in the process of writing your email response things will settle.

you might try writing a response for yourself first saying everything you'd like to say but don't feel is appropriate to be sent to the company? just a thought.

[Kirsebaer]

Something really weird happened on FB today. Some psycho girl who's friends with a guy who worked with me in Denmark contacted me wanting to share "funny stories" and a video of him.. what the [BEEP]?
She had tried to contact me back in February at first but since that's my old FB profile which I rarely log into, I hadn't seen her message before

[Keddy]

Something really weird happened on FB today. Some psycho girl who's friends with a guy who worked with me in Denmark contacted me wanting to share "funny stories" and a video of him.. what the [BEEP]?
She had tried to contact me back in February at first but since that's my old FB profile which I rarely log into, I hadn't seen her message before

Aw jeez, Kirse, she does sound kinda psycho-ish... WTF...
Does this girl even know you? This is why I don't have a Facebook page. I'm paranoid about who can get access to pics and videos of me and what they might do with them
I couldn't really understand her English, was she making fun of him or was she just being an obsessive stalker?? Either way, she's crossing boundaries and the whole concept of her wanting to share funny stories and a video of someone without their permission is just... icky.

[Keddy]

Really crap weather today. It's making me feel lazy, depressed, and unmotivated :/
I'm supposed to go to a concert today with my friends and it's outside, and it hasn't been cancelled or rained out yet, so that's good. But this weather is making me feel really bleh. Hopefully by tonight I'll feel better because I'm supposed to go clubbing. LOL

[SmileyFace]

Something really weird happened on FB today. Some psycho girl who's friends with a guy who worked with me in Denmark contacted me wanting to share "funny stories" and a video of him.. what the [BEEP]?
She had tried to contact me back in February at first but since that's my old FB profile which I rarely log into, I hadn't seen her message before

^WTF lol o_O if that wasn't considered super random and super weird, then I don't know what is...
Did you say anything else afterwards?


And... I feel super anxious this morning. Taking something my BF said yday to heart... a joke he made. It stung a tiny bit the second I heard it, but at the same time... it was a bit funny. I don't know. He seems to like making jokes about stuff that have otherwise been considered serious or whatever in my life, all to try to make me laugh and recover from what had happened in the past. But sometimes, my PTSD-ness kicks in and it's all a different story. This especially happens right when my PMS cycle for the month begins, 1-2 weeks before my actual period starts. It's supposed to start next week as well, and I do notice my mood changing and everything already before my eyes. More anxious and on-edge compared to the last 2 weeks or so.

I'm trying to tell myself he didn't mean any harm... especially when it's not like he pulls away from me when we hang out (or even during the week on days we don't see each other). This used to be the case before, for the first 3 yrs or whatever of our relationship... because I was always the one acting all distant and weird, or "using" him for emotional support and not being there for him (without meaning to), all of which pushed him away. And then I'd freak out after all the talks and arguments we had, and desperately want him to stay - which never made sense to him because I was always distant or making things all about me.

But.. things definitely changed after we broke up. We got together and I knew I didn't want things to mess up again. So I had been a totally different person, which he had pointed out time and time again as well. I guess I've gotten less anxious or paranoid around him, because he seems to have gotten more comfortable around me... to the point where he'd joke about things that sting a bit first, but then later I realize it really is kinda funny. Thing is, sometimes it's funny, but other times.. it's not at all.

Overall, aside from those jokes, I feel as if I'm never "going with the flow" within this relationship. This applies to just about every other kind of relationship I have going on with people. I'm always watching what I do and say still, making sure I do and say all the right stuff. I just cannot stand seeing another relationship of mine go down the drain, especially this relationship with my BF. We already had a major breakup last summer... I don't want things to go wrong again because of something I do or do not do. Sometimes I feel like I'm a total dick. I rarely say "thank you" to people I'm close to. It's hard for me to show appreciation for something they do for me, regardless of how glad I am they did x, y, and z for me. I'd feel embarrassed because I'm not used to people being so genuinely nice to me, especially since I spend 90% of my time at home with my shitty parents. I never really said "Thank you" to my boyfriend for all the things he's done for me, and this bothered him a lot months ago. We went cruising for 4-5 hours on Wednesday, driving from OC to San Diego (almost 100 miles of driving to get there). It was his idea since we didn't have anything else to do. It was pretty fun, but by the time we reached San Diego I saw I was almost out of gas, and he offered to pay for the gas. I preferred I put it on my card, because that'd be a lot of money since gas prices are rather high recently in SoCal. But he said he wanted to pay because it was his idea to come out this far, so.. I agreed. I was very thankful for that because I don't have much money at all, and paying $30-40 in gas would have made a big dent in my bank account. So that was great. It sucks he paid so much on his end though, but... that's what happens when either of us decide to go that far lol beats having no gas at all and being stuck almost 100 miles away from home. So ... after a little while, I remembered I had to say "Thank you." As weird as it sounds, it was hard for me to say it. It's so awkward just saying it. People rarely do stuff for me, so I never have too much of a reason to say "Thank you," so it was a bit of a struggle (so sad). But -- I said it. I'm sure he was able to tell it was a hard thing to actually say it, but I could tell he was glad I said "Thank you," esp since it was sure a lot of money to pay. In fact, I ended up saying "Thank you" twice that day for the gas. I said it again some time later that night as well. So ya, I'm so glad I said it... otherwise, that would have been downright awful. If I paid for someone's gas, especially putting in $30-40, a "Thank you" definitely goes a long way.

But ya... I feel as if there's a lot more I could do in this relationship, but I still find myself holding back a bit. Thing is, I wasn't like this when my parents and brother were out of the country. It was so much easier to be myself around my BF when I had the place all to myself for almost a month. For some reason, being home w my parents makes me a totally different person, even though they have no part in our relationship. They don't even know we're together, mind you. It's so strange... and it bothers me. This makes me even more desperate to move out. I was indeed a totally different person without them around. I was able to interact with all sorts of people everywhere I went. But when they're here... I come home experiencing anxiety.. and leave the house with anxiety. It makes no sense. I guess it's just the fact that the way things are at home has a bigger impact on me than I thought. But... I want to keep fighting that. I want to be the different person I was when they weren't here, all while they're here. But I don't get why it's so hard I don't want to continue being on-edge around my BF. I rarely took anything to heart when my parents were gone... and it was the best we got along in... like, ever. It was amazing. And I want to experience that again I'm so tired of being anxious and on-edge around him and others.

It's so draining.

Sorry this was so long God, this was like a journal entry. I might as well copy and paste this into my online journal. I really needed to get this out. I really needed to get to the bottom of things before I freak out even more over some joke, or anything in general.

[Heelsbythebridge]

maybe in the process of writing your email response things will settle.

you might try writing a response for yourself first saying everything you'd like to say but don't feel is appropriate to be sent to the company? just a thought.

I sent it to my interviewer this morning, just telling him my interest and admiration for his company was genuine. But I thought hard and in my present circumstances, another position was better suited for me. Told him to get some rest, best wishes, that the Canucks will indeed make the playoffs next year. Also joked about the Thomas the Train thing, and telling him I thought he was soooooo nice.

^Jen, I am interested to read about your life too. I hope you keep sharing with us. And I made an entire thread dedicated to myself so don't you think it's self-absorbed.

[Kesky]

I sent it to my interviewer this morning, just telling him my interest and admiration for his company was genuine. But I thought hard and in my present circumstances, another position was better suited for me. Told him to get some rest, best wishes, that the Canucks will indeed make the playoffs next year. Also joked about the Thomas the Train thing, and telling him I thought he was soooooo nice.

^Jen, I am interested to read about your life too. I hope you keep sharing with us. And I made an entire thread dedicated to myself so don't you think it's self-absorbed.

you're taking care of yourself. we should all be so self-honoring.