Anything bothering you right now?

[SmileyFace]

Engrained is exactly the right word. I haven't lived with my parents in 6 years and I rarely talk to them, but they are still in my head like that and it can be hard to even recognize. But I can tell just from what you've posted here that you are stronger than them. We all just need a cheerleader sometimes. You can do it!!

Yeah.. I sure hope they don't stay in my head after I move out. I know that when they were out of the country months ago for 3 weeks, I didn't worry about them at all -- except the times they demanded I get on Skype at night to chat. It was annoying, especially since I finally had the choice to hang out at night. And if I wasn't available to chat at night, they would get all pissy about it. I know that's going to happen when I move out, but I guess I could just gradually get out of it.. claim I had to work late, etc. *shrug* lol

[SmileyFace]

Graduation party I bitched about weeks ago has been permanently canceled -- by my mom. She apparently still pushed for it to be canceled and whatnot, and our family friends had enough of it... so that's that.

Whatever I guess. I guess as soon as I get my first paycheck next week or whatever, I'll use a decent portion of it to go someplace nice without my parents. My mom was talking last night about how we should go somewhere as a family in place of the graduation party... but I know we're not going to go anywhere anyway. She does this bullshit a lot to try to "cheer me up," saying we'll go to this place and that place that I always wanted to go to. Then when the day comes, we don't go. And when I ask about it, they snap at me saying I'm asking for too much.

Stupid fuckers. Should have saw this coming...

Oh well. Now on to planning where I'd like to go...

[Kesky]

everything's stronger than I think it is. it's in my cells.

[L]

my knees hurts like fcuk - I'm so tired

[Skippy]

Finding a big hole in my coolant tank is not somethin' I wanna see just prior to such a long trip thru USA. I have to go to pick n' pull anyway....

[IllusionOfHappiness]

PMS has me feeling drained and bitchy, as if I needed any help in either of those departments. ¬_¬

[Heelsbythebridge]

Calls from Mom still make me feel irritated. I look forward to talking with my brother and Dad, but usually not her.

She called me again today to say she doesn't have work anymore (she's been going from place to place the past few months), but not to worry or anything. Says Dad has been out since early in the afternoon, but it's "something he always does anyways."

Yup, still not regretting distancing myself 3,500 km yet.

[GunnyHighway]

Yup, still not regretting distancing myself 3,500 km yet.

Never said it before, but congrats on going through with it.

[Heelsbythebridge]

Never said it before, but congrats on going through with it.

Thanks, it hasn't been so bad. I think it's actually helping me develop my communication skills (lol) because I have to communicate with people as a necessity. Landlord, potential employers, cashiers, transit people, strangers to ask for directions, etc. I can't stay in for days on end because I need to buy groceries and toiletries very frequently (I don't have a car and I can't carry much by hand during one trip).

The issues are mainly financial and education... I have yet to be able to support myself, and I've only worked full time for a few months in my life. And I have no idea how the Quebec education system works, or how an outsider can enter it. Toronto has a program that is perfect for me, part-time nursing... Allows me to get the education I need while working concurrently so I can pay rent and stuff. But alas I am not in Ontario, and losing interest in moving there.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I'm feeling so frustrated and despaired. I have nowhere to go, literally and figuratively.

[Chantellabella]

Never said it before, but congrats on going through with it.

Ditto on congratulations. I haven't said it before. I guess I didn't want to jinx it. But I'm very proud of you for taking this step toward independence.

[SmileyFace]

Woke up anxious

[Heelsbythebridge]

Ditto on congratulations. I haven't said it before. I guess I didn't want to jinx it. But I'm very proud of you for taking this step toward independence.

Oh thankyou Cindy I look up to you so I'm happy to hear that.
-

Sometimes when I get into these deep funks I don't know if it's because I've missed a dose or I'm just getting back to reality.

[Keddy]

Bf and I took Niko and Guinness to the park earlier... HUGE fight broke out between them and another dog...
Some people really need to keep their aggressive dogs leashed and muzzled. This was fucking ridiculous. This dog came flying out of nowhere barking and snapping and he went after Niko, who's a big wimp and just sat there and took it. So I admit I did something a little stupid and let Guinness off his leash because Guinness is protective and can be very aggressive. Guinness let him have it alright. He went full-out war machine on this stupid dog. I would never normally condone my dog attacking another dog but this was a situation where it was needed. Bf yelled at me though and was like "That was not smart."
We finally broke up the fight (there was a lot of blood) and I put one of our leashes on this asshole dog and held him until his owner finally showed up... She was like "Oh my God, I'm so sorry" and I yelled at her about how her asshole dog almost killed our dogs. She was like "He got loose" so I gave her a proper lecture on dog training. Taking Niko and Guinness to the vet now. I don't think they're going to need stitches but they did get bitten.
Not a good start to the day.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I feel so shitty again. My landlord came to collect my rent money, but he mentioned me getting a job (I briefly mentioned it in an email when I asked for an extension). He said I was "lucky to get a job so quickly". I know I absolutely had horseshoes up my [BEEP] during the job search, but it's bothering me how people are making it sound. My neighbour said he still hasn't been able to find a job. So basically my luck really was just lightning in a bottle. I passed up a full-time job with a great boss and great company, and now I have a plane ticket booked to return to Vancouver in July. What if I can't find a job when I apply again in August? Fuck.

What's made me different that I had that "luck"? It'd be nice if I knew. I know I should just be grateful and I am but it makes me freaked because I haven't even started my job yet. Do Anglos have it really difficult working in Quebec? Will I walk into a nightmare? What is it?

God I need to chill.