My medical bills are up to almost $1000. And all I got out of it was a handful anxiety attacks, many lost hours, and zero answers. What a deal... If I had known my mom's insurance covered basically nothing, I would have stayed home and risked death. Now idk if I can afford grad school. I'm gonna go cry now.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
anxiety attack about life. constantly scared that I will [BEEP] up as an adult... constantly worried that things will go wrong. I'm pretty much on the verge of tears.
I don't know why I'm so worried and crap. All the things I need and want to do are indeed possible... but I don't know, I'm just always too tired and lack motivation ever since I started working.
I just can't find somewhere to live
life---><---me
I've been stuck here, laying awake in bed. It's been a really long time since this has happened, but I've caught myself thinking about my ex again. I'm happy that I got to experience a few nights of intimacy. However, knowing that's never happening again is a horrible feeling.
I really need to stop watching shows that involve love and stuff. Seems to make my mind race when I've got nothing to occupy myself. Memories suck.
killer of conversations
Holy [BEEP] my sister's wedding is two Saturdays from now! How the hell did that happen so quickly? I need shoes. Specific ones. Silver ones with some sort of heel (her preference for the bridesmaids).... Wish she had've told me this months ago and not like...a week ago. I still need a strapless bra, too. I think her bachelorette party is this weekend. What? How? I don't even. I'm not exactly in party mode right now, not that I am ever, but especially not now. She's gonna have to be understanding of my demeanor. This is the most stressful, depressing, anxiety-inducing, soul-consuming thing I've ever taken on (college). I love that she's getting married, I love who she's getting married too, and it's going to be wonderful. And I am going to have to try and be supportive and all that and try to calm her nerves.
How do you convince someone everything will be okay when you spend every day wondering if you'll fail? This is going to take some impressive acting skills.
The stag for my uncle went terribly and I am pretty sure everyone noticed I was feeling uncomfortable that whole night. (And we didn't even make it to the strip club. That would have been anxiety hell) His wedding is on Saturday and before all of that I've gotta deal with seeing my family for the first time in a year.
Hugs for Illusion, I'm right there alongside you. The bad, the good, the errythang.
For my immediate bother, I can't sleep again thanks to a racing mind. Training another new guy at work while being the equivalent of a zombie is not fun. Me, another dude I don't know, stuck in a car for 6 hours of the day. Add tired, groggy, crankiness...ugh. Today wasn't bad at all, but I think that was partly due to my XL double double that I devoured during our morning team meeting.
Mum and dad want to take me out for a celebratory meal tonight. I feel sick, not anxiety sick, I feel crampy and bloated. Anyone want to get me paracetamol and a cup of tea?
life--->
killer of conversations
GunnyHighway
Hugs for Illusion, I'm right there alongside you. The bad, the good, the errythang.
At least you got yours over with. I so don't want to go to this. I've got too much else to do. I won't be able to enjoy myself and if I drink I obviously can't study so that's a day lost right there. Finally found a place to take my dress in this late. It should be ready for the 22nd. It's almost 8pm here and I'm just sitting down with my books. I should have had four more hours in my day but I had to stay late and get my first TB shot at the campus, and by the time I got home it was 5pm. Then there were hours wasted trying to figure out what to do with my dress. Once again I'll have only one evening to study for a test, because I have assignments to complete tonight, studying can't really happen. I can only stay up so late because I get up at 5 and take sedative meds all day. I need some sleep.
I want to shoot myself.
If anyone has a gun, can they please direct me to it because holy fuck.
I'm never volunteering to be group leader again. The teacher wants me to change some of the stuff I was sent and I don't want people to think that I just felt the need to change their words. :/
And I don't have time think of other [BEEP] to add. NO TIME.
Now I'm just frustrated and can't focus. Yesterday's trainwreck all over again.
I was accidentally a little rough when we were cutting a matt out of one of the dogs fur, I held his leg too tight and when he wriggled it pulled. He's a bit stiff but not seriously hurt. I feel just awful though and my anxiety has set in.
"I will not let my bad days consume me."
I’m so in weird I can’t even form the thoughts of what I feel sometimes and it is so frustrating
life--->
killer of conversations
We've got three tests again next week. When I originally heard we would have a test every week, I was like oh, that's...unfortunate. Now all of a sudden we're averaging three a week and I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know when all this studying is supposed to happen. I get next to no sleep. Right now my whole body is sore. Cramps, headache, feet, back, shoulders (think of carrying around a small human on your back all day - that's my book bag). I get home and just want to collapse after bus #3 drops me off. There is no time to catch up, and if you need to use your evenings for anything other than studying, forget it because you'll fall behind.
What I need is a good night's rest and a clear head.
So in my big amount of stress and anxiety of being able to fit nicely into my clothes, I ended up...putting on more weight. I was supposed to lose weight. What the fuck, me. You dumbass.
Socially inept Koala
Hope you get a good night's rest illusion
It's been a tense morning here anyway and at one point my fiancé asked me what I was reading on my phone. I don't know why but I instantly clammed up, I tried to deflect the question. For some reason my instant reaction was to hide what I was doing.
I was only reading a forum.
What the hell brain?!? Why did you do that?? He got slightly irritated and told me that my reaction "Messed with his trust." Well it would, the last time I was being secretive over my phone it turned into a huge mess!
I can't figure out why I did what I did and it's set of my anxiety big time!
"I will not let my bad days consume me."
killer of conversations
I did, actually! thanksHope you get a good night's rest illusion
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