Anything bothering you right now?

[HoldTheSea]

Thank you

You're welcome Feel free to send me a message anytime!

[HoldTheSea]

Vet appointment for Jara today... she is pretty old and needs a routine checkup because we lost her brother last year around the same age due to a stroke. I just want to make sure she is healthy.
I'm sure she is fine but I'm still anxious because at this point in time I would not be able to cope with losing a dog. I have had Jara since I was a teenager.
Dogs of her specific breed (Border Collie) can live up to 16 or 17 years (much longer than Shepherds... the average for Shepherds is 10+) and she is a relatively active dog and is fed a mainly raw diet. She's in very good shape and enjoys exercise, and still likes to work.
I'm doubtful that I actually have anything to worry about but vet appointments make me very anxious.

[Otherside]

Why is it that stuff always seems bad late at night when you just want to sleep? And you're just all along, lying in the darkness. Lost count of the number of times I've gone to sleep like this.

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[HoldTheSea]

Why is it that stuff always seems bad late at night when you just want to sleep? And you're just all along, lying in the darkness. Lost count of the number of times I've gone to sleep like this.

I'm sorry to hear that I know the feeling all too well.

[HoldTheSea]

Just had someone I've never seen before come to my door and look in my windows. My dogs were showing very aggressive behaviors in reaction to it so I trusted their instinct. I didn't open the door. I think the person may have seen that I was home.
I feel like I should call the police... I don't have any idea who the person was but I'm very suspicious of their motives.
I don't know why you would come up to a property that literally has "beware of dog" and "no trespassing" signs everywhere and look in the windows. Especially in broad daylight...?
Person was startled by my dogs barking and didn't stick around. I wonder if they were attempting to break in.
If there were to be a home invasion or a robbery here, my dogs would actually attack. They don't [BEEP] around with stuff like that.
I'm very shaken up by this. I don't like strangers on my property and I'm wondering what this person was doing here.

[Member11]

My computer is refusing to turn back on... fml


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[Antidote]

Bunged up my neck, my back and my shoulder.
Also... I'm so so tired.

[HoldTheSea]

A lot of negative emotions were stirred up today. Including flashbacks. I coped with it by getting drunk.

[Member11]

Vacation is ending, blah.

Did you have fun though?

[Member11]

I think I made the most of it. Maybe could've squeezed in more gym time, lol.

The gym doesn't need any time

[HoldTheSea]

Everything my friends have told me about my partner makes me angry and sick. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel now.
I believe everything my friends said. He was a real jerk.
But I did love him, even though I don't know if I can forgive him for what he put me, my friends and family through.
I'm so conflicted. I never got the chance to say goodbye or tell him I loved him one last time. But now I want to say good fucking riddance and I hate you. He was abusive. He ruined several years of my life.
How could I have fallen in love with someone like that? We almost got married. What the fuck.

[Otherside]

Got a strange text from an unrecognized number. But this person knew my name and used the sly emoticon. I asked who this person was and got no response. Something didn't sit right with me, so I did a reverse search on the number and it's some guy I never heard of. How did he get my number and wtf does he want? I blocked the number but now I'm thinking maybe it's time to change my number.

Try searching on Facebook? See if you have any mutual friends. I've seen something like this happen before and it was because a friend had given the number out to someone. It was a joke. Supposedly.

Wasn't very funny to the reciever, but these things happen.

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[HoldTheSea]

Feeling really shitty again tonight. Sometimes I honestly feel like there's no point. Sometimes it's really unclear to me why I exist.
I'm dealing with all these feelings of sadness, anger, hatred, depression, and anxiety. Not to mention isolation. Frankly it's confusing and overwhelming.
This is no way to live. I'm fucking miserable.
I just want to drink myself into oblivion and pass out for the next two days. [BEEP] this shit.

[Antidote]

Laptop is on its last legs. The power cord only works intermittently, and it seems that the plug is damaged inside the laptop. I have to ram it in to get it to charge, and that's probably only further damaging it. I've had this laptop since September 2013, I was hoping it'd last longer. On the other hand it doesn't really suit my needs anymore, mainly because I need a much better screen now.

[HoldTheSea]

I'm just stuck in a downward spiral right now. I'm having thoughts about hurting myself again.

I don't even know why I bother opening up to people about what I'm dealing with because it just pushes everyone away. No one wants to deal with someone like me. People get scared off.
No one wants to sleep next to someone who wakes up having flashbacks. No one wants to be seen in public with someone with a service dog. No one wants to hear about all the bad things that have happened to someone and why that person can't get over them. No one wants to hear someone rehash the past a million times a day.

I hate myself for having PTSD. I hate what it does to me. Most people stay away because they can tell something isn't right. But some people initially give me a chance and then once they get to know me they leave.
Sometimes I really don't think there's a point. Like what is the purpose of even having someone like me around? I just make people uncomfortable.
I don't necessarily feel suicidal but sometimes I wish I could just cease to exist.