Social Anxiety Survival Kit: A Free Guide to Beating Social Anxiety

[meepie]

The Social Anxiety Survival Kit

Thread is open for discussion. Please be free to edit any of the content I have already posted along with suggestions to make it easier to read. Any other tips or resources welcomed as well. Thank you!

So time has come for me to post about my techniques and a guide on how to beat social anxiety and gain confidence. I am going out of my way to post out every thought and action that has brought me and every thought and action I've read here to make a survival kit for social anxiety. A free, fun, readable and easy one that includes many resources. It is possible to beat social anxiety freely, I believe that's why I have included resources for people who can't afford certain things but have access to internet.

Post 1: Growth Mindset and Motivation

Post 2: Seeking Free Support

Post 3: Seeking Medication

Post 4: Seeking Therapy

Post 5: Being Practical with your Resources

Post 6: Exposure [under construction]

Post 7: Failure and Resilience [coming soon]

Post 8: Building Confidence [coming soon]

Post 9: Situations Hindering Growth [coming soon]

Post 10: Helping others out with their Social Anxiety [coming soon]

[meepie]

The Growth Mindset and Motivation

Before you continue reading my guide, you can't get past this post and benefit from anything I say unless you admit to yourself that you will make mistakes but you will have to learn from them. You cannot benefit from any advice unless you take it seriously and have the growth mindset in life.

A lot of us on Anxiety Space have a fixed mindset. If we fail, we take failure as a way to stop us from growing. We take failure as PROOF. It's our stop sign.erious:

Here is the difference between a fixed mindset and the growth mindset.



Let yourself grow. I know it's damn hard with depression and feeling defeated. I know it's hard, but if you adopt this single thing in life, that will be your shield in growing and learning. You have to walk before you can run.

Do not continue reading anything I have posted on this thread unless you are ready to have the growth mindset. Unless you want to be helped. I'll give a nice pat on the back to anyone who is ready. Because you are now being paddled to the next thing you need to continue: Motivation.



Motivation

Motivation has long been a hurdle to overcoming my personal goals. "I do not want to do it today and I'll do it tomorrow." has been my biggest enemy.

I do not want to do something that requires me to get away from my comfort zone. In my case, it was the computer and the internet. I felt good when I was online. I felt good befriending members of this forum and being able to talk to people. I felt comfortable in my bed typing away.


A lack of motivation steals my time, it steals my confidence, it steals my energy, it steals my money, it steals my potential. Lack of motivation is a thief.The only thing it gives me is a sense of guilt. And I hate guilt.

Strangely, having motivation also gives me anxiety because it gives me opportunities to fail. It makes me nervous I won't be good enough. But guess what? IF I had the growth mindset, then I would take that failure as a learning lesson. So, let's get our growth mindset hats on.

Motivation may never come to you, so you have to go after it. Don't wait for motivation ever, from now on in your life. If you want something, then go get it. Don't view motivation as a feeling that comes to you, view it as a feeling you have to go after. You have to chase it, catch it, bag it and do your stuff. So before you continue on with my guide, go find the motivation then come back and do everything I've listed below.

THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD CANNOT PUSH YOU TO PICK UP A PEN, STUDY, MAKE A PHONE CALL, READ A BOOK, CRY FOR HELP, OR QUIT A BAD HABIT. Only you have the power to do that.

[meepie]

Seeking Free Support

The next thing you have to admit after you have gotten the growth mindset and your motivation in check is that you cannot do this all alone. You can do it mostly alone but at some point you're going to hit a roadblock or something that makes you so frustrated that you want to give up and go back to square one. That's when you need a listener. A positive listener.

I will tell you right now that you have to seek out this listener. A listener who will be practical and not just one with words that are empty.

Here is an example of such a person(even though the diagram says a boss):



Omg, where do I find such a listener?

Me: You could try out a trusted friend or family member.

"I don't have any friends."
"My family sucks!"

Me: Well, what about on Anxiety Space?
http://anxietyspace.com/chat for immediate support.
"I'm not so sure about the people on Anxiety Space..."

Yes, you might say these things but remember if someone makes you feel worse about your situation or makes you brood on the negative, then you KNOW they are not good for you. So find someone that makes you feel good. Not happy, but good. And perferably practical.

Online Resources for Listening
Let's say you don't want to use Anxiety Space for this.... so here are some alternatives where people are trained to listen:

• www.7cupsoftea.com (I really like this one since it covers everything)
• www.thehopeline.com/gethelp (less known one but pretty good)
• http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...elinechat.aspx (this is for when you're feeling suicidal)

PICK me guys, pick me as your listener!
Now, let's say YOU want to be a good listener. You want to help out someone on this site when they are struggling. Here is what to do:




Most people listen passively. We are in a hurry to help someone, but to listen actively means you wait until everything is expressed and then you help the person. Advice giving is good only if the person wants advice.



Ahh, so now you are ready. You've got the growth mindset in check, you've found motivation, and you've found a trusted resource where you can go for support. But that's not enough all the time. The next post is one of the most controversial topics in treating anxiety disorders: medication. I am not one to force it but it may be beneficial to read. If you are really against it then you can skip straight to step 4.

[meepie]

Seeking Medication

Medication is not always required to cure social anxiety but it definitely helps your PHYSICAL symptoms.

There are two approaches to medication:
1. Try therapy or self-therapy without medication. If you still have anxiety go to a doctor to make sure it is not physical. Some types of anxiety are caused by other disorders that are physical so it's important to not get frustrated with therapy.
2. (Recommended approach) Go to a doctor and figure out what's wrong. Do a blood test. Sometimes Vitamin D deficiencies or other types of disorders can be found in your test results. This can result in anxiety or depression. Check ups are good. Then get medication for your anxiety's physical symptoms. This is not enough though. Anxiety's physical symptoms will disappear but thoughts can still remain. Do not get medication from a general practitioner. Go to a psychiatrist who is an expertise on this.

I am not a medical expert so these are my two cents in approaching medication. Any further information can be accessed in highly reviewed websites such as the following:

• http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topic...ications.shtml
• www.webmd.com
• www.mayoclinic.com

Some tips for medication to successfully work:

1. Take your medicine EVERYDAY at the SAME time. Anxiety medication is not occasional unless it is specifically used for that.
2. Find the right dosage. If you don't feel any results, increase the dosage.
3. Communicate with your doctor on your symptoms. Self-evaluate and self-educate on medicines from reliable sources not places like forums where people can easily give misinformation.
4. Look at studies done on the medication.
5. Be patient. Medication sometimes takes up to 2 months to work or see results, especially for depression.
6. Despite the bad rep medication has, it may really help you do better in therapy.

Medications which are commonly used to treat Anxiety Disorders posted by @Equinox


Types of Meds:


Resources for reviews on medications:
www.drugs.com

[meepie]

Seeking Therapy

Therapy has actually been shown to be the most effective treatment in treating social anxiety disorder in people. Specifically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Psychiatrists do not do therapy, they only prescribe medication. Psychologists do sometimes do therapy but they can also prescribe medication. Most of them just do diagnostic testing for disorders. Mental Health Counselors, Social Workers, LPCs, or other types of therapists are they type that do counseling.

Most common types of therapy:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) - Focus on identifying, recognizing and changing unhealthy and unhelpful thought patterns and thereby changing behaviors that are associated with the negative thought patterns. Exposure therapy is often used in CBT for anxiety, for example, if you are afraid of dogs, you will be slowly introduced to a dog - first through a picture, then across the room, then next to you until you can confront your fear and understand that your anxiety will lessen with time, providing skills for coping with past, present and future fears.



Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) - Developed to treat those with suicidal thoughts and actions, this type of therapy validates current thought patterns while coaching the patient to change unhealthy behaviors. This type of therapy uses mindfulness: working to accept your problems while at the same time taking steps to address the problems. It involves two therapy sessions each week; an individual psychotherapy session and a weekly group session where four specific skills are taught: interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance/reality acceptance skills, emotion regulation and mindfulness.



Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) - Developed as a mindfulness approach, this type of therapy works to accept thoughts and emotions, without judgement, distance who you are from what you think, such as changing, “I am an anxious person,” to “I am feeling anxious because of my current situation.” You are also expected to make a commitment to change unhealthy behaviors. While similar to DBT, the exercises and techniques used during therapy sessions are different.

- See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety....CcK4Um1r.dpuf

Where do I go look for a good therapist?

SOMETIMES IT TAKES MORE THAN ONE OR TWO OR THREE TRIES TO FIND A THERAPIST YOU'RE COMPATIBLE WITH.

General therapy in your area:
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

http://locator.apa.org/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

http://www.therapistlocator.net/iMIS...rapistlocator/

http://www.find-a-therapist.com/

Now one of the toughest aspects of therapy for me was finding a therapist who would not involve religion in their process of helping me. (I'm an Atheist). Below I have provided a link for people who want such a therapist if they live in an area where those types of therapists are not apparent.
Therapists for people who don't want to involve religion in their progress:
https://www.seculartherapy.org/

What if I can't afford therapy?

Now I understand some people can't afford therapy let alone medication. This is going to be a tough situation. If you know you can't absolutely afford therapy because you have no insurance or are on a budget then you need to take matters into your own hands. Self-therapy is POSSIBLE. It requires a lot of self-reflection and self-discipline. You also need an online support which I've listed in seeking free support on post 2 above.

1. Take Matters into your own hands
I've personally done a lot of self-therapy by researching online and reading CBT books.

Resources I've heard about or used:
The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook
CBT for Dummies
www.succeedsocially.com

2. Buy an audiobook with a one time fee
www.socialanxietyinstitute has a free audio book based on Dr. Richards CBT tapes

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Anx.../dp/B004GX0ROQ is one of the many audiobooks on amazon that are rated highly for overcoming anxiety


What you're probably thinking: THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK, MEEPIE!

Remember what I said, if you don't have the growth mindset, then don't continue reading. Go back up and look at what you need to have to get the growth mindset folks!

[meepie]

Being Practical With Your Resources

So what, you've maybe got a therapist, some medication, a listener, some online resources, and a support forum, and you have motivation to change.

I had those things too ever since I joined Anxiety Space. But they didn't help me for years until I started becoming practical with my tools in my survival kit.

• You can have a therapist and not listen to them.
• You can have medication and it not be right for you because you didn't communicate with your doctor.
• You can have a listener who you didn't listen to.
• You can be a member of a forum where you didn't take people's advice seriously.
• And you can have motivation but you gave it up easily when you failed.

See how this all ties in back to the growth mindset?

You must be practical with your resources. That means, take all your resources and treat it as if you're going to win the lottery if you listen to it. That means get out of your comfort zone(internet, home, everyday routine) and go seek ways to test out your anxiety. Challenge yourself. If you fail, come back and tell your listener. If you succeed, come back and tell your listener, forum and go back. Keep going back.

Being Vs. Doing

Now, I am going to introduce another pair of mindsets you need to adopt when you have resources. It's the Doing vs. Being Mindset. At this point in the post you've got all your resources and maybe you're stuck. You listen, you self-reflect, you think about how to help yourself, you think about how you could or you should... basically A LOT of us socially anxious people love BEING in our heads. Oh we love it. We loooooove to think about allllllllll the possibilities that could help us or hurt us. Amirite?

Well guess what one thing a lot of us lack in life is the doing mentality which is equally important. The being mentality is great for initial ideas but the doing is what starts us to GET UP and GET OUT.

To be a whole human being you need both aspects:



What is the doing mindset a lot of us lack? Maybe some of us lack the being mindset even if we're doing?
The Doing Mindset vs the Being Mindset





Exactly, how are you going to accomplish your goals?

And that brings me to the next post, tips for exposure.

[meepie]

Exposure

You must, I repeat, you MUST face your fears if you want to get over anxiety. Remember you are not going to die. Embarassment is your greatest enemy but it is also your best friend.

HUH?

Yeah, I said it. It's your best friend.

Being embarassed after exposing yourself to a situation. Below, I have divided the levels of social anxiety people have. I put relationships towards the end but it is not the cure all. I believe accomplishing all you want in life or as much should be your ultimate goal. I want to help you in that.

Think about a time you were embarassed.

I can tell you about one time I was embarassed: I got in someone's car that wasn't my ride and I was totally embarassed. The feeling the shame, burning cheeks, short breath, heart racing pumping, and dying. It's okay though. I dind't diee and it made a funny story later. Laugh at yourself when you're feeling embarassed or anxious. Be like "Stupid me, is so anxious right now, this'll make for a funny story later." Have fun with your anxiety when you do exposure. If you wallow and take it as the end of the world you my friend are not following the growth MINDSET> go to post one for those who skipped(tsk tsk).



Level 1: Agoraphobic Shut Ins

Level 2: Rarely going out

Level 3: Going to school,work and staying home

Level 4: Building Relationships(Romantic and friendships)

Level 5: Accomplishing your aspirations

[meepie]

Failure and Resilience


You've heard it. When you fail, don't give up. It's easily said but it's the toughest thing to do in the world. When you fail, you wanna curl up in a ball and lie in bed. You wanna eat that tub of ice cream or a box of oreos. You wanna ignore everyone or you wanna lash out at people that had nothing to do with it. You wanna maybe punch a wall. You wanna vent your *** off on Anxiety Space's frustration forum and hope that other people get how cruel the world is. You wanna just stay in your pajamas and play video games all day while eating Digorno's(cuz it's better than delivery).

You want to do everything but get out of your comfort zone again. You wanna do everything but talk about how you keep the mindset you had. You wanna do everything but go back to having that motivation you had.

So here is this post for those that when they fail. What the hell can you do?
this is my advice to you. If you know these actions will make you feel worse then don't chase SHIET. . All you're gonna do is get what you already avoided: the messy mess you were in before

[meepie]

Confidence

[meepie]

Situations Hindering Growth

[kalekitten]

You didn't post anything...?

[Total Eclipse]

She was re-writing it.

[meepie]

Bump, will edit.

[Member11]

Nice work!

[Total Eclipse]

Great post!!!