Newbie!

[UKRL]

Hi All,

I'm Rob, I'm 24 from the UK and have recognised recently that I have an anxiety issue. I think it all started when I was 15 and lost my mum to cancer, during the following 2 years I lost both my maternal and paternal grandmothers too. Pretty much ever since, I've always been very attached to anyone I hold dear and am scared of being on my own. I met my girlfriend when I was 20 and we have been living together for around 3 years now. I've noticed that I have a huge need for reassurance from her and she has said that actually, this is causing a huge strain on our relationship, so much so she has considered leaving me. I totally see that it's my fault, I'm often unconsolably worried about her and am so frightened that something bad might happen to her. My anxieties about loosing her are now becoming reality with our relationship hitting a really rocky patch. I have an aunt who lives an hour away who I've confided in but I don't have any close friends who I can talk to so thought I'd ask other sufferers what they have found that helps? - I'm currently waiting for CBT which I chased with my GP this week and will continue to do so. I'm just so scared of loosing her and find that actually it is much more of a reality now because of my actions.

[Total Eclipse]

Oh my goodness... you poor thing... You've gone through so much. (((hugs))) I'm also so sorry that your girl friend isn't understanding. Have you tried to explain to her you have trauma that you need to work through? Maybe she can help and go to therapy with you? Do you have a therapist at all? CBT is good for social anxiety and ocd, but for trauma related issues talk therapy normally helps more.

[UKRL]

Hi! Thanks for your kind words. She has been through a similar trauma at a young age loosing a parent, we found that actually we understood each other's losses. I've explained that I now recognise I have issues that need to be worked through and I explained this all to my GP who will now refer me to have CBT. We discussed bereavement counselling too but actually the current issue is a bi product of my bereavement and the counselling available for bereavement only discusses the loss. I'm hoping that the therapist I see will be able to recognise what I really need by discussing the issues I'm having. It's been really tough just to actually admit that I realise I have a problem. I'm quite a proud man but I recognise that I am "smothering" my girlfriend and that depending solely on her is selfish.

[Otherside]

Hey there Rob. Welcome to the site. Sorry to hear what you've been through

[UKRL]

Thanks really appreciate it x

[Member11]

...

Welcome Rob

for everything you went through.

[UKRL]

Thanks Jerry, you guys are all lovely.

[Total Eclipse]

Hi! Thanks for your kind words. She has been through a similar trauma at a young age loosing a parent, we found that actually we understood each other's losses. I've explained that I now recognise I have issues that need to be worked through and I explained this all to my GP who will now refer me to have CBT. We discussed bereavement counselling too but actually the current issue is a bi product of my bereavement and the counselling available for bereavement only discusses the loss. I'm hoping that the therapist I see will be able to recognise what I really need by discussing the issues I'm having. It's been really tough just to actually admit that I realise I have a problem. I'm quite a proud man but I recognise that I am "smothering" my girlfriend and that depending solely on her is selfish.

We are here for you. Please keep us informed on how your progress is and when you are struggling

[UKRL]

Thank you! I've been given a booklet to read by the GP which is currently the only thing I have to help, it's basically there to help with arranging time to worry and whether my thoughts are rational or irrational. Really haven't found any help from it as my fears of my girlfriend leaving is so real at the moment and I know it could actually happen. This is the most horrible worry I have!

[Total Eclipse]

Thank you! I've been given a booklet to read by the GP which is currently the only thing I have to help, it's basically there to help with arranging time to worry and whether my thoughts are rational or irrational. Really haven't found any help from it as my fears of my girlfriend leaving is so real at the moment and I know it could actually happen. This is the most horrible worry I have!

Communication needs to happen. Will she be willing to go through couple therapy? It might help the both of you.

[UKRL]

I've asked about that and she doesn't want to

[Total Eclipse]

At the very least will she support you through your therapy (i.e go if you need her to?)