Is it them or is it me...

[Butterfly]

people.
i think I should just avoid them, not bother. Too much hassle.
in my life in the past I have been sociable, even a people pleaser I would say.
thing is now I find not many people are nice. Really hardly any.
i find so many are selfish horrible self-centred and envious
im untrusting of them, and find most have ulterior motives.
always thinking just of themselves.

im worried this could be because I havea personality disorder.
ive not been diagnosed with one, I suffer with anxiety and depression I find fault in everyone.
i have always been able to see through people. In fact scarily so.

i recluse a hell of a lot now because of it.
with most I start off ok but then see the faults and have to back off
I really don't like people. More especially females I find are sneaky, I prefer male company.

im afraid of who I might be.

[Chantellabella]

I've often thought the same way.

But then reality hits. Unless I want to be a hermit, living in the wild with no human interaction, I'm stuck with figuring out how to live among them. And be happy doing it.

I'm not saying go out and trust everyone. I sure don't. But when I find myself ruminating about how untrustworthy they are, and how much I'm going to get screwed by everyone, then I don't give genuinely nice people a chance. I had to learn to expect nothing from others so that I would be greatly surprised when they were compassionate, giving, and caring. It's not like I assumed I would get screwed by them. It was more that I didn't depend on them to meet my needs. I just left the door open in case they wanted to help me. Or be my friend. I took baby steps to trust and many times I was extremely surprised that they wanted to be my friend.

But yeah, I hear you that it can be frustrating to have be disappointed by others.

[Butterfly]

Hi chantellabella

thank you for the response. I really Appreciate it.

i think I've just been let down so much it's just hard, I do try,but honestly I seem to meet especially females who are so self centred it's untrue, and if they are single and I am too, it's like if a guy comes along they just ignore you and centre all their attention on the guy. It's rude and so uncaring...well desperate too if you ask me. Then they tell you they are genuine and looking for friends, they think you can't see what they do..one particular female befriended a guy this way, she was chatting to me and mid conversation just left me out totally ignoring me and making me feel left out, then was obviously annoyed if I tried to chat to him.
sorry im ranting..I felt so annoyed. Some people are just so desperate.oh and her and I had just had a conversation about how difficult it is to meet genuine people and people who care LOL.
So many people are living a fecking lie if you ask me...
im tryin I am, I'm trying to keep an open mind and know there are some genuine people. Difficult as that is.
im not perfect. I wonder if it's me and I'm the problem it happens so often.

feel better for a rant!