Anxiety Fueled Paranoia (Relationship/"Other Girls" anxiety)

[Crylie]

Hi, everyone, I've been having a personal problem with my anxiety/paranoia and I've been trying my hardest to stop it, put it in its place and move on. I try everything from meditation to deep breathing and giving myself alone-time. Nothing is working, and I have this daily gnawing anxiety about "other girls"--I recently (3 months ago) began a great relationship with my boyfriend. It really is wonderful, and there is no reason for me to feel the anxiety/paranoia/envy I keep feeling--he's never done anything to lose my trust or make me think he's lying. He's never done ANYTHING wrong. He's been very supportive in fact of all my mental health issues (BPD-I, PTSD and massive anxiety problems). So I don't know what gives??

A lot of my behavior consists of automatically feeling negativity toward a pretty girl, mistaking her kindness for flirting, feeling affronted if a pretty girl talks to my boyfriend but ignores me, constantly pacing my house when I'm alone worrying that I'll never be good enough for him, constantly and aggressively comparing myself to other girls, feeling depressed that I can't compete with other girls, knowing I'd rather be myself but not being able to feel confident in that, paranoid thoughts that he might cheat on me (even though I can't stress enough how faithful and honest he is) and feeling aggressive in general whenever I "think" he "over compliments" our girl friends. Like, at my core/in reality I know how terrible it is.

And I don't voice this; I've told him how certain things make me uncomfortable, but I could never let him know how I really feel because I don't want him to feel abused by me because I love him so much. Like, I am aware enough to know that I'm the one with the problem, but it won't go away. It's physically painful as well as mentally exhausting and it lowers my self esteem daily.

I really just wanted to vent because it's bottled up inside me every day, and I would love any advice to stay envy or even jealousy. I want none of that in my relationship, especially since this is the first non-abusive one I've had. My anxiety is the problem here and I haven't been prescribed meds for anxiety, specifically. Even with my mood stabilizers it's tough as all hell.

Thanks.

[Chantellabella]

Hi, everyone, I've been having a personal problem with my anxiety/paranoia and I've been trying my hardest to stop it, put it in its place and move on. I try everything from meditation to deep breathing and giving myself alone-time. Nothing is working, and I have this daily gnawing anxiety about "other girls"--I recently (3 months ago) began a great relationship with my boyfriend. It really is wonderful, and there is no reason for me to feel the anxiety/paranoia/envy I keep feeling--he's never done anything to lose my trust or make me think he's lying. He's never done ANYTHING wrong. He's been very supportive in fact of all my mental health issues (BPD-I, PTSD and massive anxiety problems). So I don't know what gives??

A lot of my behavior consists of automatically feeling negativity toward a pretty girl, mistaking her kindness for flirting, feeling affronted if a pretty girl talks to my boyfriend but ignores me, constantly pacing my house when I'm alone worrying that I'll never be good enough for him, constantly and aggressively comparing myself to other girls, feeling depressed that I can't compete with other girls, knowing I'd rather be myself but not being able to feel confident in that, paranoid thoughts that he might cheat on me (even though I can't stress enough how faithful and honest he is) and feeling aggressive in general whenever I "think" he "over compliments" our girl friends. Like, at my core/in reality I know how terrible it is.

And I don't voice this; I've told him how certain things make me uncomfortable, but I could never let him know how I really feel because I don't want him to feel abused by me because I love him so much. Like, I am aware enough to know that I'm the one with the problem, but it won't go away. It's physically painful as well as mentally exhausting and it lowers my self esteem daily.

I really just wanted to vent because it's bottled up inside me every day, and I would love any advice to stay envy or even jealousy. I want none of that in my relationship, especially since this is the first non-abusive one I've had. My anxiety is the problem here and I haven't been prescribed meds for anxiety, specifically. Even with my mood stabilizers it's tough as all hell.

Thanks.

Hi Crylie! Haven't see you in awhile. It sounds like you have a good handle on self awareness concerning what you're doing, thinking, and feeling when this happens. And to be honest, I think it's a normal thing to be worried when a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is around others. It seems worse though when you have self doubts though, huh? Yeah, I hear you.

Have you told him about your feelings. Rather than saying I don't want you to ......................... Have you tried starting the conversation, "When you talk to others, I feel insecure. I need you to remind me that I'm the one you love even if you're talking to others. I know it's my stuff, but what can I say? That's me. Star Trek lover and insecure. Maybe if you start off that way, it would open a conversation.

Just throwing out an idea because you asked for advice. I'm terrible at advice giving, but I've been there and that seemed to work for me. Made me more human or something.

[Crylie]

Thank you for your advice and comforting words! <3 I will try to level down more often. I do attempt to sometimes but my mouth opens and he waits for me to say something and I feel like I'm going to cry so I stop or say something else like, "what did you do today?" "what do you want for lunch?" It's a knot in my throat because I'm ashamed of the way I feel. I know where my roots of insecurity come from but I don't know how to weed them out.

Thank you so much for your help!

[Chantellabella]

Thank you for your advice and comforting words! <3 I will try to level down more often. I do attempt to sometimes but my mouth opens and he waits for me to say something and I feel like I'm going to cry so I stop or say something else like, "what did you do today?" "what do you want for lunch?" It's a knot in my throat because I'm ashamed of the way I feel. I know where my roots of insecurity come from but I don't know how to weed them out.

Thank you so much for your help!

Are you ashamed that you feel insecure or jealous? Because sweetie, that's just being human. Feelings just happen. It's what we do with them that's the part we can control. Well, can control sometimes.

[compulsive]

Youre actually attractive, you are just horrible at taking pictures. If you take a photo thinking you are ugly you will end up with a skowl on your face.

I think you should talk to him about it and ask him to complement things other than how they look.

Also make sure that he has facial expressions and proper vocal expressions ( not monotone) when he talks to you. No facial expressions ( makes it easy to lie) is a big liar warning sign. If he doesnt use facial manipulation techniques then its unlikely hes a liar.