Why?

[Chantellabella]

Now I that finally know what LionLionCatCat died from, I have a question.

The "Why" I sort of get.

I get it. You are so depressed that you want the pain to stop. Or so sick, or so distraught, or feeling powerless. So I get people do it. I've been in that dark place. Many times when I took pills, I wasn't thinking of anything at all. "I had a headache," was my reason and I didn't realize that I had taken so many to pass out.

It frustrates me that people don't learn other coping skills besides killing themselves, but this world isn't perfect and we have no control over others. So we basically can't do much about what they do with their life. It took me a decade to understand that suicide wasn't an option I had.

My question is not like M's. It's now "why?" It's "how."

How do we cope when someone kills themselves? I remember doing the same thing at my friend's funeral after she jumped off a bridge and died. She had a one month old baby and had postpartum depression. I asked why and did the "what ifs." I felt guilty. Maybe I should have called her more often. Maybe if I did this or that.

The truth is, we can't control others and our actions short of shooting someone, won't have a direct effect on them unless they allow it to.


Whenever I see someone commit suicide, I wait for the fallout. Who's next? Who will see that suicide can be an option? Who is wanting fame so desperately that they see the good things that were said about the deceased and copy cat it? Who wants to show their parents they have power just like this or that deceased person did?


So I really want to know? How do you handle it when someone you know takes their life? I am really concerned about all of you and I want to make sure an epidemic doesn't start.

btw.............this is why I get angry when someone takes their life....................it's the copycat fallout that I've seen happen........................and well, it breaks my heart.


So:
1) How do you feel when someone takes their life?
2) What do you think when they do?
3) What do you do when it happens?

[Total Eclipse]

Cindy, I love you dearly! But I think we both have different opinions on this. Suicide, I don't think is a *choice*, that someone makes whilst they are emotionally stable. It's from pain, and feeling no way out. In many cases, the person has reached out to health professionals (Lion since he was 15 yrs old) and the system has slipped through and failed them. You have no idea the amount of torment one suffers in life, that brings them to that point. I"m not belittling your feelings (or if you ever felt like doing so and didn't). I think you have every right to feel how you do over suicide.

I don't think that people will do it to be glorified (they can't see it once they are "gone") altho, posting a thread about it, was somewhat healing, as we could express our grief and sadness, over the loss, in therapeutic way. I've been in contact with a few people I haven't been in several years because of this (and even with the sadness), it's shaken us up to the point, we have talked daily, to check on each other: and promise each other, we will seek better help, and not let each other hurt (i.e do what Lion did...), like what we have felt with this loss. The grief of loosing someone like this, and feeling that pain, and knowing you could inflict that pain on others (if you choose to do the same...) and seeing how people are so upset and sad: is somewhat of a reminder not-to-do-it.

To answer your questions, when someone takes their life, I feel extremely sad, and like I've failed them, let them slip through the cracks (regret), sadness, anger, frustration. I am sure, I go through a phase were I blame that person (but, that also is a bit harsh to do...). I think about how badly, they must of been suffering, and how no one saw it coming, or no one was able to stop it. It depends on how affected I am by the suicide. I saw my therapist 3 times in the past week, to talk over things... (and it's been still tormenting). But it's a day by day, process...

Random hugs :- (

[Chantellabella]

Cindy, I love you dearly! But I think we both have different opinions on this.

Nope. It's the same thing.

Suicide, I don't think is a *choice*, that someone makes whilst they are emotionally stable. It's from pain, and feeling no way out. In many cases, the person has reached out to health professionals (Lion since he was 15 yrs old) and the system has slipped through and failed them. You have no idea the amount of torment one suffers in life, that brings them to that point. I"m not belittling your feelings (or if you ever felt like doing so and didn't). I think you have every right to feel how you do over suicide.

:

I do have an idea. Please see what I wrote above about being in the same place.

And really? You think I have no idea about suffering in life?

I'm trying to let people know that suicide can be taken off their coping skills list. And I'm worried when people keep it on their list because I care about you guys. There are many healthy ways to cope with pain even if "the system" fails you.

But again, I have absolutely no control over any of you. And I don't try. And I'm not saying you are right or wrong. I just wanted to reiterate that it breaks my heart and wanted a thread where people can talk about it and process suicide.

I would hope this doesn't get into a thread about being wrong or right. I really am not up to argue with anyone about what you want to do with your life. I needed a thread to process this ongoing concern and figured it would be debated by some. That's why it's in this section.

So no. I'm not telling you to do anything you don't want to do, StellarStars. Go forth and do whatever you want.

I am processing my fears of seeing people copycat others who take their life. And I also am telling people that it's nobody's fault but the person who killed themselves. So guilt is futile, "in my opinion."

[Total Eclipse]

Cindy, that was worded wrongly. I meant you (we) or no one, don't know what they are thinking during *that moment* that each person does it, no one does, but that person. Each person, has their own struggles... and it helps me to not be angry, to think that. Maybe, that's just how I'm coping with it.

I don't think there is a wrong or right opinion on this, really.
And I fully 100% get your point of view, and choice of wording. Your like the mom of this forum, trying to protect everyone (and I love that..) and I might of been pre-winded, as I went to a friend IRL about this, and I was told: "well, what your friend did was selfish, suicide is the most selfish thing someone can do. They should be dead to you. They wouldn't want you to be sad..." (not the best thing to say when your sobbing to someone you think cares...)

And yes, guilt is futile, but it's part of grieving process. It wasn't anyone's fault, and no-one is to blame, or could of had the power, to change things. I agree. But that mindset can take a bit to change (from the shock) as it heals.

[L]

I remember hearing about an old friend who ended his life, it was the same year I planned to met up with him and re open our friendship. It's awful but I wasn't shocked to hear the news, saddened, but not 100% supprised. He was badly bullied in school, I was bullied for being his friend when he moved to my school, his father was a nasty peace of work, he was dorky (I loved it). i will always feel pain in my heart knowing he felt so hurt in his life that ending it was his only stop to the pain (okay now I'm crying) I have felt that hurt, that hurt is different for everyone.

I am still affected by this, I get angry at myself for not meeting up sooner, maybe I could have done something. I have really great memories of him though, I have a teddy that reminds me of him, I see him in my dreams sometimes (but we cannot speak) His death has never been the reason for me not wanting to live.

that's the only real personal time it has affected me personally. I dislike the term commit suicide.pop