By Jessica Jones, MSI (Master of Science in Information)

"I understand, and I respect your opinion-" "No you don't!"

How often do we find ourselves projecting our own feelings onto others? How often do we assume that we know how other people are feeling because that's how we would feel? What, then, is the difference between projecting and empathizing?

Sometimes we project our feelings onto others because our feelings are so intense that we can't imagine the other person not feeling the way we do. Sometimes, we do it because it's easier than taking the time to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. Other times, we project our unpleasant or ugly feelings onto others so we can attribute them to anyone but ourselves.

Whether the reasons are passion, expediency, or absolution, projection does more harm than good. When we project our feelings onto someone else, we imply that the other person's feelings and opinions must be inferior to ours. When we project, we are tacitly communicating that our own feelings are more important - that our time is more important - than other person's.

That may not be our intention, but it's impossible for the person to whom you are speaking to know that. Which leads us to the difference between projecting and empathizing.

"Projecting" means that we assign our own feelings and opinions to someone else. "Empathizing" means that we imagine how the other person may feel. In both cases, we assume something about the other person, but empathy seeks to understand while projection implies that we already do.

If we approach a conversation with the intent of empathizing rather than projecting, we are more likely to communicate openly and successfully. We may even learn something new about a person, become closer friends, or, at the very least, less antagonistic opponents.

It can be difficult to admit that we project ourselves onto others, but the sooner we can admit that we do it, the more we can do to improve our relationships with the people around us. It's difficult to win people over when you cause them to feel marginalized.

Our best intentions are not enough. How often have we been hurt by people who said that they didn't mean to hurt us, that they had good intentions, or that they can't imagine how we would take something personally? We have to think outside of ourselves to be our best selves.

Maya Angelou once said, "when you know better, do better." Try to recognize the times when you project onto others; ask yourself why you do it. When someone projects onto you, it might feel less hurtful if you can empathize with them in turn. Maybe asking "Why?" could be the best response.

If you can get a word in edgewise.

Other times, the best response might be, "Yes, sir, thank you for your feedback," and then you go back to your office and massage your jaws back open and appreciate that your next interaction will almost certainly be better than this one.