Battling Deep Feelings of Past Rejections, Isolation and Loneliness

[TheRealQuest]

Hi Everyone,
I wonder if anyone has ever felt a despair so painful and shame so crippling that they just want to withdraw and withdraw having used that as a safety net for as long as possible. Yet you no longer have a place to hide and must now face the world. I have been living under the impression that everything was alright but had been battling loneliness and feelings of isolation due to past rejections as a result of having social anxiety for years. How is it possible to now open up fully? I guess I have been expecting a lot of freedom out of the spiritual journey I have been on. I am currently beginning grad school and I really struggle with letting people into my life, mainly through networking on Facebook and other social media platforms. I am trying to hide from doing so as I don't want the past pain with my social anxiety and isolation to be revealed. It is eating me up and the painbody reaction in regards to opening up is unbearable at times. .

Earlier today thoughts of suicide were arising as the pain and shame were becoming unbearable. My mind was torturing me with the story of the lonely me who spent years withdrawing from friends and the fear of it becoming revealed. I then listened to an Eckhart Tolle video where he describes how loneliness can drive one to surrender the lonely person/self along with its story and become intense conscious presence instead. After listening to it it, I surrendered my story of isolation and a deep peace arose.

I do however still fear opening up through networking sites as it would reflect the isolation and loneliness I had been experiencing for a great chunk of my life. I also endured some painful rejection in high school, while being controlled by my parents, which tends to haunt me to this day. It was all the result of being closed off and timid due to the social anxiety I had been experiencing at the time yet did not know what it was. When I think about it, I get shell shocked at times as it contrasts the person/personality type that I have and the person I thought I am.

Thanks for the support

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[Member11]

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You would never be rejected here, and if you ever feel like talking, you can message me

[TheRealQuest]

You would never be rejected here, and if you ever feel like talking, you can message me

Hi Jerry,
Thanks for the warm words. I just find myself stuck with these feelings no matter how social I am.

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[Member11]

I just find myself stuck with these feelings no matter how social I am.

I know and this is why anxiety sucks, but those anxiety thoughts can be and is wrong.