Stop pacing. You're making me nervous.
Stop pacing. You're making me nervous.
To girl from my high school on FB:
Quit fishing for compliments fucking bitch. You say you want to look like those girls on Tumblr. You're just fake and I don't see why anyone gives a [BEEP] about you. Obviously, you think you're hot. You just want to fish for compliments. That makes you unattractive in my eyes.
Yes, I have changed. I got ill. No, I couldn't help it. There's no "control" or whatever. I can't just accept what happened when I got hypomanic back in July for that first time. When I'm hypomanic, I'm hardly gonna give a damn about consequences of my actions, and I'm just gonna do things because I feel so good and powerful and as if nothing can get in my way. I'm sorry I had a go at you, but you don't know what hypomania is like. It also hasn't just been you that I've lost it with, as you seem to think. I can barely remember what happened. With my mood flipping up and down like that all the time, I began to forget what was happening. I can only vaguely remember saying what I said, but it's as if it wasn't me. It feels as though I have two personalities at times...depressed me, and hypomanic me. They are so, so different, it's insane.
You don't know what I'm going through right now. I'm struggling on my meds and they have side effects that I don't like much. Everyone seemed to listen to you, they didn't listen to me. I was having the usual [BEEP] people have, apparently. I wish I had what you had. Not saying it's easy...but anything is better than having mood swings.
No offence or anything, but I'm not well. That's why I can't talk to you, or why I can't just deal with things. I know we spoke. I'm glad we got some things clear and I'm glad I found out why you were ignoring me. No, I'm not okay with that. Why should I be? I was having an epically [BEEP] time and you suddenly decided to ignore me. If you were expecting me to be not pissed off when you told them that I'd OD'ed and it could happen again, then that's kinda a naive view to have. I can barely remember texting you "Goodbye" but it was hardly just you who received that. I got lucky, mate. I OD'ed on Propranolol to the point I was hearing voices and feeling as if I wasn't real, as if I was asleep and dreaming or dead or something...even pinching myself, biting myself to try and work out if I was alive or not felt distant...I was scared. Scared of what was gonna happen, but too scared to call for an ambulance.
I got lucky. I'm sure you worked out what happened back in December. And no, we're not going to talk about it. Not sure I particularly wanna talk to you much about BP anyways...you wouldn't get it, you really wouldn't. I almost don't wanna get well because I'll kill the hypomania...but the hypomania is what fuels the depression and the suicidal urges and what wrecks my life and makes me into something I'm not. Contary to what you believe, I am not usually an aggresive bitch. I don't just have a go at people randomly. That's what hypomania does.
I know you're 18 soon. Wonder if you'll still get the help you were getting when you're an adult. Last I checked, AMHS didn't do much for people like you. Yes, I know what you. I'd cut you some slack, but you didn't really cut me any back in October. And I was having a really [BEEP] time.
So hmm...don't wanna talk to you much, really. I don't know if we can fix this, not sure if I want to. I was really unwell in October and you weren't there for me. You did worse, you just ditched me without any explanation and refused to acknowledge my existance. I don't hate you, if that's what your wondering. But we can't be friends and talk to way we used to be. Sorry.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I'm over it, leave me alone.
You will never change. It makes me sad watching your repeated, shallow attempts. Wondering when you'll see how shallow they are yourself. You're so predictable.
I wish you would message me sometime, I miss talking to you. But I'm too shy to message you..
"I am the Wanderer
I've seen many a shore
But the road I long the most to go
Is closed for evermore"
You stole my seat today. I like your glasses.
Thanks for not answering my text before. I won't even bother anymore
"I am the Wanderer
I've seen many a shore
But the road I long the most to go
Is closed for evermore"
I miss you so damn much
why are you such an arsehole
I thought you saw how I changed, but obviously you have me in some box and judge me by that. I know I have to consider the source. It just hurts. It really does. And seriously? I was just upset. Isn't that a normal emotion? I guess you wouldn't know. You're so much of a control freak that you even keep a tight rein on your own emotions. Maybe I should feel sorry for you rather than be angry and hurt. At least I'm human. Not sure if you are presently.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
You're a piece of shit. Running the place like a dictator. Censoring people. I hope one day everyone betrays you and everything collapses in your face.
I blow my nose in your general direction.
Congrats on running away from me yet again. It's not like I even said a word to you.
If I get this other gig, I just want to say that if it wasn't for your insecurity and jealousy, I would have not wasted the last 5 years of my life. I could have run up mountains if you didn't feel the sick need to keep me down. I will not let you do it again. EVER!
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about