Trapped Online

[TheDarkness]

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[srschirm]

You sound like an interesting dude. When you say you're disabled, do you mean by social phobia?

[TheDarkness]

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[Otherside]

I've found you interesting enough talking to you on PM. And trust me, I generally don't talk to boring people. Surprisingly, a lot of people in life seem to be boring, for some reason. I'm probably just weird in that way that I find a lot of people boring.

I won't ask whats up and why you can't leave the house. You've respected what I want to keep private, and I'll do the same. I hope things work out for you one day, though.

[Tinkerbell]

You will find plenty of people ready and willing to talk, jump into one of the topic forums and give it a go. This is a site that is very much in its infancy and will take some time to be as affluent as some of the longer standing sites. I have found that there is no offense intended if no one replies to a particular post, although it can be disconcerting I agree. Sometimes I don't respond simply because I'm not sure what to say, is the person simply looking for a place to vent or are they looking for advice-which in my opinion should be given cautiously and judiciously. I can give you my experience but that may not translate into your situation. And remember we all have our own issues here. Be patient, give it some time.

[Chantellabella]

This is my first actual thread here, so here`s hoping for the best!
So, to make a long story short, ever since I became somewhat disabled, I guess you can say that ive lost most, if not all contact with the outside world.
I have no friends (literally), no family id care to mention, no job, and most of my days are spent either online (reading, watching movies, forums, etc) or indulging in my hobbies (I got quite a few of them). And, not that i`m complaining about those. Their a lifesaver for me and I love em. But... there`s only so much I can get from doing the same thing all the time, you know? also, being as I have zero interaction with the outside world, I find myself always wanting to talk to people. Which is natural, of course, but you see that's a problem because I always have a lot to say, and on pretty much any topic you can think about. You wanna talk politics? sure i`m game. You wanna talk about relationships? anytime! You wanna talk about movies? books? music? scientific articles? philosophy? off mainstream media topics? (conspiracy theory's, the paranormal, etc etc), high tech? gadgets? online games? yourself? maybe you even wanna talk about someone else? the world? want advice on something? you want to share experiences, or even just [BEEP] about life? whatever it is, I can indulge in it. And, hell, truth be told.. even if it don`t interest me at all, I would still have no problem talking about it, and getting into detail. Hell. You wanna talk about fashion? sports? martial arts? sure - i`m game. Yes - I am THAT desperate for communication. But you see, there in lays the problem... apart from people being lazy (as a reference to people preferring on-liners and casual chats, over in depth discussions), I find that most people don`t like to talk with someone they will never meet. And me being so desperate just makes things worse, and people don`t really care much for these things. Plus. To make matters worse, I`m not getting any younger, and I look like shit. Those two elements combined make for a very unfortunate mixture. Ive already given up on ever finding a romantic partner and everything of that sort. Ive given up on a lot of things that most people take for granted. So I guess you can say that i`m pretty much fucked, from every direction. I could tell you more, but, for experience, if I make this post too long and go into more depth about each subject, probably no one would give a [BEEP] about it. So I have to keep this short. That`s just how the world works. Well. online. And being as this is the only place where I can "live", I have to compromise over, pretty much my entire being (btw, did I mention that I never even liked the internet, in the first place?).

But... that being said... how much more do I have to sacrifice, exactly? what else am I going to have to give up on? my sanity? my health? my opinions?
What does a person with no future have to do to make his life bearable? truth be told, if I was suicidal, id probably free myself of this pitiful existence, along time ago.
But NO.... i`m too stubborn, and god knows even about what. What am I fighting for? who am I fighting for? my life is a joke, and no one gives a [BEEP] about me. The meds don`t work, the therapy just annoys me.. wtf am I suppose to aspire too? what am I even suppose to care about? what sort of compromise am I going to have to face next? what do I have apart from an online voice? shit. Now that I think about it.. I`m like a fucking NPC lol.

P.S.
(I`m already used to threads of mine being generally ignored, so I am not expecting any actual replies.
Long since has I accepted the fact that even in places like this, I there is no actual place for someone like me.
My stay here, like in most forums of this sort, is probably temporary. I will however tell that, being as I am used to people not giving a shit,
if a thread of mine hangs dry for more then a week (if I get not replies), I empty it. You know how some people use emotes to get some of their points across? well I do this)

I hope you do continue to post and please don't always think it's something you have done. You will find this is a very different forum than a lot of places. People are supportive here. They want to listen to others. They respect opinions rather than try to bully others.

The difference between this forum and others is that many here are in school or work or have learned ways to feel better. They aren't online as much as larger forums are. This means much more lag time for answers. You won't get fast responses like you will on a much larger forum. But when you do get a response, you will get supportive, heart-felt ones.

I promise you that if you stay here you will like it. The people here are positive and helpful. They don't cut you down every time you speak.

I can tell you why I didn't reply in my thread about Second Chances. First, I didn't reply to the people toward the end who btw, gave excellent answers, is because this a very small community. It's very easy for a thread to continue to remain at the top of the list every day if there is even a little bit of conversation on something. That thread had been up there for a very long time already. I was definitely enjoying the feedback and ideas about second chances. I also am one of these people who engage in conversation and like to thank people for posting. But every time I do that, the thread goes back up to the top.

One of the things I worry about is being an attention mongrel. It's something I struggle with. After so many days at the top, I felt self conscious that other threads were not being seen / discussed. So if you'll notice, I stopped answering the posts about 3 people above you. It's not that I didn't value their input. I valued it greatly and read every word. I just felt like it was time to let other threads run their course. I've also done this on other threads.

So if anyone was offended that I didn't reply, please understand why I did it. I know people with SA and actually people with any type of problem tend to think it's all about them when something happens. But in this case it wasn't.

I have to admit, though that your post about my brother hurt. Not because of what you wrote or how you wrote it. The blatant truth always hurts. He may never talk to me again because it's his reality versus mine. I get that. I know that. It's just hard to hear that. So I was sitting back processing that reality. That's it. Not agreeing or disagreeing. I was just mulling over the fact that I may have lost him forever and I was grieving that loss.

So in my case it had nothing to do with me not wanting to hear your opinions.

Welcome to the forum.

Oh and come join us down in the forum games. That will keep you busy trying to win the last post or get into battles. Also Sagan and others have the absolute best pictures. Sagan's science articles are amazing alone in the science section.

And just wait till the fall if you're a football fan. There's a ton of football challenge guys (me being a huge Saints fan) here who do a weekly challenge. We'll keep you busy.

Cindy

[merc]

Hey Caleb,

I read your post actually I read it a few times. I'm kind of a random sporadic poster. I post if I feel like it and then go days or weeks without posting. I'm kind of an avoider, I prefer loner but I don't really see that big of a difference.

Anyway you said you have knowledge on a wide variety of topics? I noticed paranormal. I've a question for you. Last summer it had to be June, I was driving to work, about 3 a.m. and noticed car lights pulled off to the side of the highway on a really bad curve. I slowed down thinking, what did they hit thinking deer, bear etc. I was not looking at the vehicle.

As I drove by, I glanced up at the red mini van expecting to see a ball cap wearing person, but I saw an alien. I hit they gas and flew out of there. I got a little ways down the road and wanted to turn around because I couldn't believe what I saw. Then I started thinking about the person in the car, there was a person and I wanted to turn around, but I was afraid of being late for work. Then I started thinking that it had to have been kids trying to scare people and I wanted to turn around.

Anyway this morning 3 a.m. just a little down the way from that bad curve in the road I noticed a vehicle pulled off the side of the road, this time with its four way flashers on and I got such a bad feeling about this I couldn't even look up at the truck. It was a rather large pick-up truck. I repeatedly drive this stretch of roadway at approximately 3 to 3:15 a.m. each day. Is it completely ridiculous to be afraid of this stretch of roadway? I feel ridiculous because why would an alien be driving a red mini-van?

I had a prior ufo sighting/encounter near this road as a teenager and another one in October of 2008 about 2 miles from this site. I grew up near this road. I just know that you are right now saying I post my heart out and some kook wants answers to why every time she sees a car pulled off to the side of the road at 3 a.m. she's afraid of seeing an alien?

I don't know, I guess despite your somewhat grumpy post, the fact that you seem like a very nice person came through. Donna

[TheDarkness]

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[TheDarkness]

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[TheDarkness]

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[TheDarkness]

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[Antidote]

I find that most people don`t like to talk with someone they will never meet.

I've noticed some people are like that. I actually talked to someone from my city for over a year, and when it became apparent I was too anxious to meet them any time soon they lost interest and stopped talking to me. Some people are also in a rush to meet up. I've always been content to leave online interactions online. It never even occurs to me whether I would want to meet others online. I'm content either way and I just don't think about it. I guess it would be nice to meet the occasional person I click with but I can happily wait years or not meet them at all.

As I drove by, I glanced up at the red mini van expecting to see a ball cap wearing person, but I saw an alien.

Can you tell us what the alien looked like?

[Chantellabella]

As I have explained to tinkerbell, my frustration is aimed more at my situation, then it is towards people.
I may have lost many people and positive elements in my life, but I did not lose my senses. Well... not yet, anyhow.
Weather or not people truly prove themselves as being supportive, in my point of view, is something that is yet to be seen.
Though despite being a pessimist, I am old enough to know that I dunno anything. After all.. I did give this thread a week.
That`s as fair amount of time, as anyone would give, I reckon.

And as for this place. Believe me I know all about the major forums. Ive already tried those, and have found that the smaller places are usually the best ones.
Kind of an ironic and conflicting twist, in my situation. Though considering I was invited here, during my short stay, I have also found out a little more about how this place came to be (and am still finding out more).
So yeah this is indeed an interesting place. Truth be told, i`m not too keen about the fact that most people here are younger then me. I`m... kinda used to talking to older folks which come from a similar background to mine (which I will not disclose openly). But so far, the kinda of people which responded to this thread (yourself included) do seem to be people of a higher caliber then the ones which can be found in major forums. So I am very happy about that. Though I hope that I will get more chances to hear more about the people themselves, rather then see how the more outspoken member's try to defend everyone else`s position. This is a semi Nobel notion, of course. This is something I have grown to respect. But... if you asked me which I would find more interesting, hearing about a person or hearing about how people act in general.. then I would have to say that id rather get to know someone.

For now i`m here. So far the people ive seen are nice. So i`m still looking at this place with an open mind.

And about your second chance thread. To be honest, I am mostly happy that you weren't offended. I mean, I know that your older then me and all that, but I wasn't sure how you would take in a reply of that sort. I`m saying this because the majority of advice and opinions you got there were much more optimistic then mine. And even though I believe that in many cases you were mostly being polite, I still wasn't sure exactly how you would react to something more direct. As you may have noticed, I am in fact rather direct, and not very apologetic. An old and "grey habit" of mine which I could never really shake off. Plus. My sarcastic nature and mild attitude are two elements which often don`t sit well with some people. A super sensitive shy person probably wouldn't wanna talk to me for very long. Not to mention that my English could also use some improvement (i`m not American). So believe me when I tell you that i`m used to people misunderstanding me. Which is why i`m very happy to hear that you took it well, and that you understood that my only aim was to give you what I believed to be a more cautious input, a more realistic prospective to the kinda situation your in. I.. happy to know a thing or two about bad blood. And I want you to know that most of the threads I choose to respond to seriously, are in fact situations which I have already been at, myself. I am not a big believer in cliches and matters which are limited to theory alone - I often respond to what ive also been through. I believe in looking at things from a practical angle, theorizing alone is not really my thing.

And about being an attention mongrel. I`m not sure if I understood you correctly. First time ive heard that phrase. But, despite what it may seem in this thread, I don`t go knocking on closed doors.
My attitude is fairly straightforward. If not one wants talks to me, i`m not going to convince them otherwise, nor will I reopen the same thread twice.
I know that some people take more time then others.. but.. all and all... I may be talkative. But I don`t run after anyone.

As for forums games and such. To be honest, if I wanted to play an online game with someone, id much rather go for actual games like StarCraft II or whatnot.
I.. kinda came to talk, so.. but hey i`m glad to hear that this place has active game sections! the last forum I was at, didnt really have these things.
The Java games are also nice. If this place has any retro Supermario games, id love to play them sometime. And as for articles that's great! ill be sure to check it out.
Though i`m not really a football fan.

In any case. Its been a pleasure to met you Cindy. Thank you so much for giving me a detailed reply.
I wasn't really expecting that, and I hope we get to talk more!

Thanks for letting us get to know you more. I use the term attention mongrel because I don't like the phrase usually used that refers to someone who is always in the limelight. I tend to be an extroverted person who is usually in the center of groups. Maybe because I'm friendly and always laughing. But there is a fine line between extroverted and always "needing" to be in the stoplight. I'm trying to find that grey area.

The forum games are just down below. It's not the arcade which is awesome btw. The forum games are a place to challenge each other. It's sort of a drinking game without drinking. We just take turns being silly. It's an "out-silly, out-awesome, out-doing" sort of place where you get to know people. I stay out of the chat because I can't keep up with everybody's quick thinking and writing. The forum games is my slow version of a chat.

That doesn't mean I'm calling you guys in the forum games old. Or slow.

Just this old lady I'm calling old and slow.

[merc]

[QUOTE=Caleb;276762]


A) Why would an EBE (extraterrestrial biological entity) be sitting in front, instead of being in the trunk or something?
Think about it. If this was some sort of comic like abduction (the alien controlling the driver) or a transferring of an alien (the EBE getting knocked unconscious),
in both scenarios - the front seat (or anywhere else that visible) would probably be the last place an alien is likely to be.

B) In regards to your second encounter with the truck. Getting too close to any strange car is not a good idea. Especially at 3. am.
that your imagining things. But I am saying that you should consider every possibility, including every inability.

Believe it or not most of the paranormal experts tend to agree that given the circumstances not knowing if I saw an actual alien was probably for the best, along with leaving the scene. I remember thinking ok what's this drunk bozo's problem that he's parked on kind of a dangerous curve and kind of looking for damage to the front of their vehicle and looking up at the driver's window and seeing this not human face which made the hair stand up and I hit the gas.

It was a light grayish blueish color with the strangest eye. I only got a good look at one eye. It was large slanted and light absorbing, not reflecting dark in color.

I've already come to the conclusion that it was most likely teenagers with a mask. It was two days after school let out for the summer. As far as I know aliens don't drive red mini vans. A red mini van is most likely the family car. Also I remember seeing a flannel shirt and I can't see aliens wearing flannel.

The thing that keeps the doubt there is the eye and the way it looked down at me. That and my prior experiences.

Also back to your original post and the first person who did reply. His question is kind of legitimate, not that any of us really need to know what disability you have. Did your tendency toward isolation come first due to anxiety or is it a result of anxiety or is the isolation caused by a disability?

I think its also obvious that you were just venting, but I also feel this kid or person just wanted to help. Sometimes its hard for us with anxiety issues to reach out to others.

In my case, I've always been shy. There are these funny pictures of me at 2 or 3 where I refused to smile at the photographer. I look so sad and miserable in my pretty dress. My Mom said the man did everything but stand on his head to make me smile. I guess as a baby I only allowed my mom, grandmother and a great aunt to hold me without screaming my head off. She complains she never got a break from me.

According to most of the quizzes and the latest counselor I saw I have moderate SA. I know that I haven't always been as bad as I've been the last few months, which is why I sought out help and wound up here. I have to go back and be seen by the real doctor for the real diagnosis, which I could care less about I just want to not be so intimidated by others.

My middle child was born with several defects: anal stenosis, tethered cord, malformed sacrum and anterior mylomeningeocele. She had several operations and hospitalizations. During this time I developed depression and had PTSD. Anyway I hope you stick around, I knew I'd like you from your first post. Donna

[Otherside]

That doesn't mean I'm calling you guys in the forum games old. Or slow.

Good. Man I had a trophy on there. And then some guy I've never even heard of beats my high score. So I beat that. And then he beats me again.

What a nice thing to wake up to.

(Sorry Caleb, off topic on your thread)