compulsive
I often have impulsive thoughts, usually social problems which make me anxious, and I automatically start imagining the feared scenario and start playing it in my head, usually involving arguing with someone. These daydreams are often painful and make me feel worse, but temporarily decrease anxiety.
This can be differentiated from simply maladaptive daydreaming because rather than dreaming about things and creating a story, I am trying to figure out what the other person will say to me. I test out what to say to them and try to prepare for what they will say to me. The situation repeats over and over and over.
Kind of like if I were a murder suspect and I practiced what to answer to questions, so that if I get asked, I will get away with the murder. In the same respect, I wish to be able to answer appropriately in a social situation or people will figure out that i'm not very social.
Like OCD, doing it does not solve any problem, and makes me more anxious. I often try to solve problems in my head by trying to check things in the past or trying to predict things. It is often the case where I do not know that I am doing it until I have done it for 5 minutes.
I feel like if I don't prepare for the situation really bad things will happen.
Has anyone else had this kind of OCD?