Feeling like people are nice in front of your face but very nasty behind your back

[toaster little]

I just don't know if people actually like me anymore when it comes to working with them at school or at work. Most people just say nice things to you so they can avoid conflict. But then once you leave, I feel like they instantly start complaining and talking about how bad it was to work with me. I just can't tell if I'm actually doing a good job when people say I'm doing well.

Some people will say that when we are disappointed after hearing mean things, they'll ask "truth hurts, doesn't it?" That got me thinking that maybe people are honest only when they're mean and having them say nice things means they're lying.

There's a certain part of the US known for being more rude but honest, and I'm starting to think that maybe it might be better for me to live there instead of here. At least I'd have a better idea of what people thought of me and I could be better at guessing if people liked working with me.

What do you guys think?

[merc]

I don't know. I kind of prefer people to be a bit more blunt and honest with everything. It could be my background my ancestry is Eastern European, Poland and Slovakia. A Russian teacher said people from this region tend to be a bit more honest and will tell you how hideous your dress is and not to take too much offense, because it doesn't mean you are ugly or anything other than your dress is ugly in their opinion. Where as Americans are instructed from young if you have nothing polite to say keep quiet to avoid hurting someone.
At work one of my favorite managers at work is considered rude because he opens mouth before he thinks. I kind of like him because I consider him more honest and not too good of a liar. Whereas some of my other managers try to be so friendly, too friendly and it is so fake because I know or feel that you never have a genuine thought or reaction to anything. Even if a person really hates me I prefer someone who lets it be known where I stand upfront.

[Antidote]

There's a certain part of the US known for being more rude but honest, and I'm starting to think that maybe it might be better for me to live there instead of here.

Really curious. What part is that?

[Inscrutable Banana]

There are certainly a lot of people who will do what you're describing, but I try not to allow myself to be cynical enough to believe that everyone does it, or at the very least not all the time.

That got me thinking that maybe people are honest only when they're mean and having them say nice things means they're lying.

That's a rather cynical generalization to make and I think one should avoid allowing themselves to feel like anybody who is ever being nice to them is faking it. There are various reasons people might not be honest up front and the intent of doing so can vary. Some people may not actively dislike you or may be indifferent toward you but will be outwardly nice or avoid harsh criticism so as to not hurt your feelings or discourage you. Others are outwardly nice to everyone even if they don't like them because they don't want to shake things up but will gladly gossip behind your back. Also, as hard as it may be to believe some times, there are some people who are just genuinely nice.

When it comes to people being more to the point and not trying to fluff things up too much, I don't disagree with the notion. However, how the person handles being direct and how the person they're being direct to perceives it is very important. If they can't tell when they need to be direct or when they need to soften things a little they run the risk of leaving some more sensitive people feeling like it was personal when it might not have been.

There's a certain part of the US known for being more rude but honest, and I'm starting to think that maybe it might be better for me to live there instead of here. At least I'd have a better idea of what people thought of me and I could be better at guessing if people liked working with me.

And where would that be?