I hate Christmas

[L]

Right now it is about 2:30am Christmas morning and my mother is crying downstairs with my dad. He is trying to explain to her that the amount of sympathy she gets from me is the amount she have ever shown towards me. Being realistic, I should be able to go downstairs hug and comfort her while she is hurting but she is so fucking drunk and talking pure nonsense that I don't care. She would never talk or cry around me sober. My brother has upset her, he is her world and now that he has strayed and replaced her with a girlfriend she is a mess. She wants me to understand how hard it is for her while she goes on and on and on about him.

I refuse to talk to her as I will get into a fight and say stuff that will destroy any relationship we have.

I turned down being at my boyfriends for Christmas with his family because I felt bad for my mum as my brother is spending the day with his girlfriends family. Mum told me to [BEEP] off about 5 minutes ago when dad told her my brother is not the only person who needs to be thought about. Every Christmas she without fail I am upset!

I have an interview at the end of January for a nursing position in London, I told mum and she said it was too far - I CAN'T GET FAR ENOUGH AWAY!!!

[SmileyFace]

Reminds me of how my mom used to be on Christmas. Everything was "me, me, me, me, me." I hope things work out. And I hope you get that nursing position in London. You deserve that job as well as being far from your mother. She sounds like an awful person to be around, no offense

[enfield]

i was generally happy growing up but a lot of the most unhappy times happened to fall on the holidays. christmas, new years, birthdays, and thanksgiving. christmas emerged maybe the least damaged of all the holidays. but others like new years and my mom's birthday didn't do so well over the years. they're kind of forever blackened by the dark events that took place on them. i say they're dark events but that's because usually everything was so much brighter than what happened on those days. there's some kids who live in that darkness day to day so it wouldn't really be that dark to them. they're adjusted to it and normal happy family life is what's rare. to me it was the reverse fortunately but that made the dark times seem pretty dark to me.

when people say they hate holidays i can relate to that. that's what i associate with the dark times too, the holidays. there's good reasons people have to dislike them. its more than being alone or without anyone to share your company with and seeing all the happiness and holiday spirit in everyone else when you don't have it. that's sad but unless you turned into a bitter person over the years i don't think its going to make you hate it. the holidays is inconveniently when a lot of peoples families fall apart. as a kid experiencing this it will strike a lot of fear in you and when you're older you won't really forget it. you can't usually undo those kinds of things and the feelings they leave you with. if your family continues to be dysfunctional around those times (mine isn't anymore since my mom is much more stable now) it won't really scare you anymore but it might make you sad. you'll probably have no patience for your families behavior at the same time too. when they have these drunken hysterics you won't comfort them. it might make you mighty depressed though about the sad broken state of your family. those kinds of feelings can be felt more acutely when you're older i think.

[James]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through that...I know it's not easy to deal with. My mom has been abusing painkillers and vodka since before I was born. I have a very superficial relationship with her. I love her very much because she's my mom, but that's really where it ends. She was very abusive while I was growing up. Last night when all the relatives were over at their house, she sat in a corner by herself, and she was so stoned and drunk that she was nodding off. Her speech was slurred. She wasn't making any sense. She completely missed her grandkids opening up their Christmas presents. It was very hard to watch. I don't know if this applies to you, but sometimes I think when there is someone so toxic and dysfunctional in our lives, the only answer is to get away. I moved out of my parent's house way before I turned 18, and I don't regret it. I really hope your situation gets better.

[L]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through that...I know it's not easy to deal with. My mom has been abusing painkillers and vodka since before I was born. I have a very superficial relationship with her. I love her very much because she's my mom, but that's really where it ends. She was very abusive while I was growing up. Last night when all the relatives were over at their house, she sat in a corner by herself, and she was so stoned and drunk that she was nodding off. Her speech was slurred. She wasn't making any sense. She completely missed her grandkids opening up their Christmas presents. It was very hard to watch. I don't know if this applies to you, but sometimes I think when there is someone so toxic and dysfunctional in our lives, the only answer is to get away. I moved out of my parent's house way before I turned 18, and I don't regret it. I really hope your situation gets better.

Thanks, I am currently living between home and where I go to college and will be going home less once I start my internship. On one hand I can't wait to move away completely but on the other I feel bad. I don't what to feel bad as I need to put me first because like you said it it a toxic relationship. Sorry to hear about what went on with you, these kind of relationships are scary.

[Chantellabella]

Sweetie, I hear you about Christmas. I think what makes any holiday hard is that there seems to be some ideal picture of what it should be - family, happiness, love, peace, joy, happy endings. When 99% of this planet falls short of that ideal, we begin to feel flawed, a failure and sad. It's as though our baggage gets flung in our face - the drunk parents, the missing family members who don't want to see you, the happy ending that never happened. I have tried every year to not expect anything, in the hope of not being disappointed during another holiday. I have tried to make it fun for me.I have tried to put a smile on my face. So I hear you. And I understand that holidays seem to be open season for everybody to be miserable, as well as spread that misery to others. Especially family members. And it's ok to do what's best for you - even if your parent tries to make you feel guilty.