family is racist against me

[enfield]

it's not that they're racist against *my* race but they use their racism to like taunt me. this is more complicated than it sounds because i'm not defenseless to their taunting. actually i have allies. my family can be split pretty evenly into those who use racism to taunt the family members that aren't their allies, and those who pretend to not be bothered by this taunting. i'm one of the ones that pretends to be not bothered by the taunting and i'm joined in solidarity with many from my family not to mention one of my immediate family members, my mom. the ones that say racist things don't say them in a malicious way, or an ignorant way. it's like they do it to humor themselves and get reactions from the rest of us. but the rest of us can see exactly what it's for, so we try to not react, to not even show that we heard the racist thing someone said. a long time ago it was kind of sad because the racists claimed my brother as one of their own. when we were younger we actually didn't know what was going on at the family dinner table, we just thought its strange adult behavior. they didn't make us take sides early on, but once they knew that we knew what was going on, then the two sides tug-of-war'ed over us. i don't know how they got my brother, i really don't, if it was a bribe or what, but i consider that one of my main failures as his brother, letting him get turned to the dark side like that. i was shocked as anyone else when he made his first racist quip, but, being dedicated to my own team, i resolved not to show the extent of my shock or even a hint of it. inside though there was turmoil. the more i think of this the more i think how idiotic it is, but this is the main contention at our family gatherings. its not politics, its not keeping peace between the family members that don't get along (actually we all get along outside of this pretty well) it's their conspiracy to find a way to edge in a racist remark, not stubbornly, not emotively, but casually yet very deliberately, and then our conspiracy to not be fazed by what was just heard, to keep the conversation going as if it was never said.

[Chantellabella]

I grew up during a time where people were segregated. I was taught that there was something wrong with people who were different.

When I became an adult, I realized that this prejudice was a learned behavior and I vowed to raise my own children different. My children knew no difference between race, religion, or financial status.

When I'm around my family of origin, they still say racist things. My thoughts? "You all are idiots." But I understand that they were taught this and never bothered to learn anything different.

They make fun of me for being offended by their words. They make a big deal about not saying things around me because I will be "offended" (must say that in a mocking way). But I would rather be mocked for my acceptance of everyone than join them.