Been rather anxious still.
Definitely not as bad as previous weeks but... it's still annoying and getting in the way of my daily life a bit.
So depressed today. I hate Mother's Day. I hate how my parents are, especially my mom. I don't want to play the blame game, but I'm rather shitty because of her. I don't even know how to live and enjoy my life. Everywhere I go, everyone I'm out with... I feel as though she is there too, causing me to hold back and not have fun. She hates it when I am happy. It causes me to feel frozen when I'm around other people.
I fuckin hate it. I hate being oversensitive. I hate not being able to joke around and take jokes.
I'm so tired of walking around feeling like a [BEEP] because she keeps calling me one. Saying I look like one. She refuses to go places with me, especially when her acquaintances are around, because she "doesn't want people to see that her daughter is a '[BEEP]'"...
We were all invited to a wedding taking place in July. My parents wanted to rsvp with a total of 3, meaning only them and my brother would be going. My parents are so against me going anywhere with them.
They have something going on today for Mother's day up in LA. And I won't be allowed to go, but my brother is....
Always felt like the black sheep of the family, and all this further proves things.
I also feel like I'm nothing more than a convenience to people...mainly a sound board. It's now gotten to the point where I just don't talk about myself anymore, even around my boyfriend.. and this is irritating him lately. I was OK the past few weeks or so... and now things are starting up again.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know it's OK for me to talk about myself around him... He wants me to, but I feel so frozen I feel so selfish talking about myself. I've gotten so used to being the sound board, often ignored or interrupted.
I'm a total fuckin mess today.
One of the things that bothers me is online snobs. My definition of an online snob is someone who either believes you are beneath them or someone who for some obscure reason doesn't like you. But instead of letting you know outright, they passive aggressively "punish" you in one of three ways:
They answer everyone who spoke to them but you..........obvious much?
They add a stupid meme or ridiculous attention seeking comment.
They talk about you but do not use any names or they talk about you behind your back.
It's so 12 year old.
I guess immaturity can rear it's ugly head on a forum easily.
The Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about
I can't stand this, either. I'm not interested in putting up with anyone's childish bs - I do enough of that IRL! I'm not interested in playing any games. What is so hard about being straight with people? Thankfully I don't think I've had to deal with this, but I've definitely seen it happen to other people and it's always obvious so they may as well just be honest.
I can't cook, and my dinner is gross. But I'm still going to eat it because they're the only vegetables I'm eating today.
Also, once again filled with fear over interview tomorrow. The last phone interview, I couldn't sleep all night and felt shaken to the core the entire morning until the call.
I'm very angry at your mother. It infuriates me when I hear about parents who are so insensitive. I've read a lot of your posts and I'm not sure how you did it but you are a kind sensitive person with a lot of talent. I hope you can get some distance from the sound your mother's voice. she's way off base.
I called my mom today to tell her Happy Mother's Day and she hung up on me
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
No matter how hard I try I'm always going to be the weird outsider at work
I did not anticipate how difficult it would be to dress professionally with large breasts. My boob level button will. Not. Stay. Buttoned. And I already taped this dress shut right below.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -- Maya Angelou
With or without SA I'll always be an oddball.