I owe everyone an apology

[Keddy]

I feel like I owe everyone here a MASSIVE apology
I've been absolutely rotten lately. And I'm so sorry, guys. I have so much going on in my personal life that it's starting to make me lash out at people and that's not really me, I'm not that kind of a guy. I'm so sorry if I've hurt anyone.
I wasn't thinking when I made that blog entry earlier. I know you guys don't feel that way about me. I know you like me and I know you care about me. You've all been supportive of me.
So I'm going to be honest right now about what's making me feel this way. I'm angry at MYSELF.
I feel like you guys don't like me because I don't feel like I DESERVE for you to like me. I know I'm liked and appreciated here, it's just hard for me to get my head around that because I don't feel like I deserve anything positive.
I've been fighting with my boyfriend for the same reasons. Don't feel like I've only been taking it out on this place. I've had my fair share of it with my boyfriend as well. But I won't leave him and I won't leave you guys either. You guys are my friends. I mean it.
Something I should have admitted a long time ago, that might have made thing easier for everyone, is that I have a lot of issues with self-harm. I was afraid to talk about it but I cut pretty badly. I get angry at other people (like my coworkers) and I take it out on myself. I should've been up front about that.
I also should've been more up front about how terrible my social skills are. I know I always feel like people hate me and are talking about me and a lot of that has to do with my social issues. I was afraid to admit that I probably have Asperger's because I thought it would make people think less of me I'm ashamed of that now. I was used to being called the R-word for it and everything, I was afraid you guys wouldn't like me
Now I understand that you guys like me for me and it doesn't matter what my diagnosis is. I'm so sorry.
And I know none of this justifies anything I said, and that I can't excuse my behavior. I fully understand if I'm not forgiven.
I would just like to be forgiven, and would like all of you to know that I'm apologizing for being such a dick lately.
And I promise I won't leave. I promise I'll never do anything to hurt you guys again. I mean that.
Much love,
Keddy

[nothing]

You deserve to be liked, never forget that.

[QuietCalamity]

A few days ago I felt safe/ brave enough to add self-harm to the mental health category on my profile. I haven't done it in several years, though. Actually I came here because I was going through a self-hate spiral and thought I needed all new friends lol. And I was having very strong urges to self harm but after reading through posts here eventually I felt better. So, in conclusion, I've been where you're at so you can message me anytime.

[Ironman]

Keddy,

I didn't see anything that would make me even the least bit upset. The "R" word....rude? reckless? real? rollerblade? ruckus?

You just start thinking about that kid's sweatshirt in your picture and how he got away with not getting sent home from school!

[IllusionOfHappiness]

I don't think you've been a dick, Keddy. However it's clear that you're hurting, and I hope that you're able to find some peace in your life soon. I can relate to feeling undeserving of any of the positive things that happen in my life. Glad you're not leaving us! We're not here to judge, we're here to support.

[merc]

Keddy,
I'm always more impressed when someone makes a sincere apology for something they feel they did wrong. No one is perfect. I have no idea what you wrote and I'm not even going to try and find it.

[SmileyFace]

You've never ever ever everrrrr been a jerk or anything, keddy. It's otayyy *hugs* I was doing some major thinking in the car yesterday on the drive to and from work. I realized that for the past few weeks, I was allowing myself to use anxiety and mild depression to define me, which is a big nono. I guess many of us do this though, it happens so often with me and I've seen it happen with others as well.

It's easier said than done, but if you happen to be doing this, try to work your way out of it. I don't know what would work for you, it's different for everyone. For me, it's staying productive with things I need and want to do. Hobbies play a big interest here for me. I only dive into them when it's convenient. And I've found I've been much happier and felt "more normal again" (aka feel like myself again) when I've engaged in my hobbies and interests more regularly.

And well....another plus is.. allowing yourself to be happy. You have every right to be happy keddy. And you seem to have some things and people in your life that make you feel good.

We're always here for u keddy. Don't ever feel as though nobody here likes you.