Hello! My name's Becky, it's nice to meet you.
I'm 23 years of age, live in England, and suffer from Social Anxiety (orly?). I suck at giving a potted history of things (I'm really good at rambling) but I'll try my best!
My anxiety began when I was 13 with great thanks to what began with physical health problems; I had to frequently visit the hospital for problems with my skin and saw many health professionals, many of whom I wouldn't hesitate to call 'bullies' now. In school I was often bullied and didn't have many friends due to poor attendance relating to above hospital visits and health problems. I was under a lot of pressure to keep up with appointments, medication, and school work for lessons I'd often missed; when I turned 15 it all came to a head and I left school before my GCSEs due to a breakdown. After that I suffered with severe depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia, something which took me about 4 years to even begin recovering from. During this four year period I'd had counselling, which 'kind of' helped at the time, but when I turned 19 I decided I was fed up and went to try 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy'; at this point I was diagnosed with Social Phobia and so began my journey!
With great thanks (sarcasm) to my isolation the past 6 years, I find myself quite alone in the world but I am gradually changing that with the help of the CBT. My life is small at the moment, consisting of me staying at home with my dog and using the internet as my form of communication (seriously, it's been a lifesaver!). I'm slowly but surely challenging my Anxiety -- I am able to go out of the house, walk the dog and go shopping with my mother without any panic attacks -- and I am now hoping to look into taking a course in Psychology so that I can introduce myself into the world again without jumping straight into the deep end. It's my hope to go into the Mental Health profession so I can help others who went through the same that I did.
I have trouble with simple things such as answering and making phone calls, answering the door, and going too far away from my home alone. I am currently unemployed as the idea of an interview, let alone working on a schedule and interacting with others, terrifies me. My interactions are tiring and frightening to me because I always run over the conversations in my mind after I've had them, thinking 'Oh gosh that sounded stupid! They must think I'm an idiot!' and so on, which can be quite exhausting and lead me to believe people dislike me. The funny thing is (and I don't know if others can sympathise with this), other people say I come across as "quietly confident and articulate" -- if only they knew what was running through my mind at 100MPH!
It's a daily struggle but it is getting easier and I can see the light of the tunnel. I hope that I can help other people see that light as well, realise that they aren't alone, and to keep positive because -- with time, patience, and taking a lot of care of yourself -- things will improve. As well as that, friends and just a little reminder that I'm not the only one are my reason for being here.
Thank you for reading. I apologise for the wall of text, I did say that I'm good at rambling...!
"Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
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