Tired this morning. Don't want to go to work (gotta leave in 15 mins or so). I don't even know anymore if I truly like this temporary job (internship) or not. I liked it just fine the past 2-3 weeks... then this last week, I just went back to dreading it... even more so today.
Now, even when I did like the job, deep down I still felt a little eh. I want the job only for the money, and now I see how that can be stressful. I want a job more interesting, but traditional journalism (aka writing for newspapers/magazines) jobs for entry level people come with an average salary of $35,000. If I get this job full-time (which isn't traditional journalism), it's a starting salary of at least $50,000.
That is some goodass money. I want that LOL... but this job is so so so so boring. It's awful. I guess many people would want a boring, simple job and be paid good money for it... but I believe I'll feel very miserable having this job FT, despite being paid good money.
I've started seriously looking at job postings again, and it's done nothing but remind me of how hard it is to land a job. Not a lot of the jobs posted interest me. Or... my anxiety kicks in, and I'd feel like I'd fail at whatever they have me do. Not a good way to think about things. It's as if an easy job is the way to go with me, but now that I'm doing easy work... I want a challenge. But challenges make me freak out a bit, with me thinking I'll mess up big time along the way... that it'll be too hard, etc.
*sigh* I did find 2 jobs that seemed like something I could totally do. It's a lot more challenging than what I am doing right now (and it's traditional journalism), but they both seem actually doable.
I don't know anymore. I feel like... if I don't get the FT position here, I won't care much. But the pain of job searches is what I want to avoid. And if I don't get it, I'll feel like I let everyone down. I'm scared to tell people closest to me that I'm just not happy at this internship.