Do I actually have anxiety problems?

[Eliana]

Hi guys!
My problem is that I lost a VERY loved one, 2 years ago to leukemia, and since then whenever I think about that person or see a photo of them or smell something that reminds me of anything that has to do with this person or even see someone who looks like this person (even just a little bit) or just go to their house or ANYTHING at all that might remind me of this person, I start feeeling like I can't breathe and I feel weird and I have to kinda close my eyes and shake my head and take about 2 really deep breaths to make the images go away and also stop the memories from coming.
Also, whenever somebody talks about this person I can't listen and I try to focus on something else or distract myself, like turning the music volume ever more so I can't hear or try to play it cool like I don't care what they're talking about.
And besides all these, I also can't talk about it to anyone because whenever I tried to, nobody seemed to care and I kinda felt "naked" (soul-wise) cause it's really hard for me to talk about it and when I do noone cares/ has cared so far.

I don't know if that's anxiety related or something and I haven't gone to a therapist (don't really trust and like them) so I'm hoping you can help.

I have googled it and read stuff but still I'm not sure what it is!

It would be great if you could help!

(Also posted it on the PTSD forum!)

[Chantellabella]

Grief can have all types of symptoms. Grief would be understandable. Also anxiety can have different symptoms.
It sucks that you aren't able to share your grief with people around you. Sometimes it takes years to talk it out, cry it out, and get it out.

Just keep talking though. It's pretty supportive here, so I encourage you to stick around. Many of us have lost loved ones, so we understand.

[QuietCalamity]

I'm sorry for your loss and that you don't have a lot of support.

I'm wondering if maybe feeling intense emotions makes you anxious? Since it sounds like you're coming from a place where people react poorly to your emotional needs, maybe you've subconsciously learned that feelings are bad or make you weak. Those kinds of messages would definitely make grieving such a significant loss more difficult.

[Eliana]

Thanks for everything guys I really hope it's gonna get better!

[Eliana]

The thing is I really want someone with whom I can feel comfortable talking about it cause I REALLY wanna talk about it, but I don't feel like anybody gets it. They just stand there like nothing happened.
Yeah... This had really made it harder...
But thank you all very much for replying

[pccogni]

I am sorry for your loss and know how you feel, believe me.
You are experiencing normal pain and anxiety regarding grief from the loss of a loved one. Don't be too scared of what you are feeling as it will take time to calm down but please don't let it start ruling your time, your loved one would not want you to feel like this and would want you to live your life. I am not saying it is easy buy try and manage your thoughts onto more positive things.
Email me if you wish, paul@aylandslifecoaching.com