I've been betrayed by my autism company.

[Peter C.E.]

This story is quite long and confusing, so please only provide serious replies. To avoid naming and shaming people, I will not name the autism support organization I refer to in this thread.

Basically, I have had major social issues for most of my life. I only have one friend whom I see a lot, but he is 53 and it would be nice to make friends with people around my own age as well. But for as long as I care to remember, I have been humiliated by trolls on the Internet for over a decade now on multiple message boards related to video games and I have a form of autism in real-life called PDD-NOS. To complicate matters more, I also have major anxiety, plus agoraphobia issues which probably stem from all the bullying that has affected me. My autism was diagnosed when I was in my early 20s.

In recent years, I have lost two females from my support team that I really liked to work with. One of them comes from Madrid and she was my key worker until in February.

I was (until in July there) residing in a flat which the staff supported me in and I had been staying there since April of 2011. They took the first female off my team because I got lonely last year and asked her on a date, after my ex-girlfriend had been mistreating me and she was a woman I spent years searching for, which is because she was my only love interest. No sooner was she back in my life, she manipulated me into buying her an iPod and was generally abusive in other ways.

The agency gave me one more shift with this lady, but after that, I felt this man in charge of arranging the rota was lying about giving me more shifts with her, despite saying he would. He just seemed that type, if you get my drift.

Anyway, I did not have a great year last year at all and I felt upset about my life being in ruins, so I ranted about her on Facebook, just because I did not think it was right they stopped me seeing this woman rather than try to settle the issue in another way. They banned me from working with her, which really bothered me. But the worst was yet to come.

I played billiards and snooker with a male worker. We will just call him Bob. Well, Bob and I were talking, and I let it slip that I liked my key worker. The Spanish woman.

Well, he blabbed about it to the higher-ups obviously and this created one heck of an ordeal.

In December, she totally went from being sweet to almost demonic. She was testing me too, saying she might go to Latin America one day. I think she was trying to catch me out since someone already gave her an advance warning I had taken a fancy to her. Then one day after I just text her a message with a 'petal' remark or something to be cute, she made it clear she knew others know I like her. Then after that day, she was always quite nasty to me and acted the polar opposite of how she was when she was first assigned as my key worker. It was almost as if she was deliberately being like that in order to get me to back off.

Eventually, in February this year, she was removed as my key worker. In order not to hurt my feelings, the senior that lied about the other woman lied about her too and for weeks, we never had shifts at all, but he said she was still my key worker. This dude made out she was needed elsewhere, though, but he had a bit of a dirty look on his face. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Finally, I learned the truth. I did not take it too well. The whole summer was spent with me dwelling over their absence and I did get to apologize to them once, in front of the boss. The boss however would not let me work with them again, which broke my heart.

At some point, I got one of their addresses from a website and she went and turned nasty too when I told her about this, much like my key worker did last year. I was arrested back in July because my key worker upset me some several days after we were at a charity event where bands were playing and I smashed a wine bottle. Then I was arrested after I emailed vulgar things to one of the women, because I was also found by police officers close to her stair one morning. Then I got arrested for sending racist remarks to my former key worker. As I breached my bail terms twice, I wound up remanded in jail. For the first time in my life, I tasted prison. For 2 weeks, I was stuck in jail.

When I got out of jail, one of the seniors even admitted they did not handle things properly. I thought I should do the noble thing however and apologize to the women on Facebook. Two more arrests occurred because I knew I was banned from contacting them and I ended up in jail again, this time for a bit longer. In September, I was in prison for 17 days and I got assaulted by one of my "co-pilots" just for asking him to turn the TV off during the night. So that makes 31 days I was locked up in jail this year.

I will never ever get to work with these women again unless hell freezes over and I miss them so very much. Every single day now, I feel agitated with every waking moment and that is hardly healthy, now is it? The police took my laptop away. Most of my purchased music from iTunes is on there. And I cannot go back to my supported flat until in December, so if I need anything, somebody else has to get it. I also ended my support recently. However, I reckon it probably would not be a good idea to go back to living there again because of the horrible outcome, which in my view was never necessary had no-one been lying to me. Those women will be kept well away from me anyway. They will not be doing sleepovers any more either. That place would just become a place to hang my hat and nothing more. And I mean, for years, those seniors interfered in my business regardless of what I did and they told me never to have escorts around there or I would be booted out. How is that breaking the law though when it is my private life and using hookers is not illegal?

What did I ever do to deserve this treatment? This has only served to ruin my life, possibly beyond all repair.

Please help.

[Chantellabella]

Hi and welcome to the forum. What type of help are you wanting? We're here to listen and support people. It sounds like you've been through some really tough months.

[joyful_cara557]

I don't agree with sending racist and vulgar emails to people, but I am sorry that that Spanish woman was catty and snotty toward you. Obviously she's not worth your time. None of the women you mentioned are, really. I think it's best to just leave them alone and move on with your life. You'll find new people, possibly better people to have in your life.

[joyful_cara557]

People make mistakes, it happens. I don't think a person should be judged on just one moment in their lives when they messed up, because it's not fair, as you said. About being fixated on these women, maybe find out what it is exactly that makes you want to keep coming back to them. Maybe once you identify it, you can move on. Maybe talking it through with the friend you mentioned in your first post? Sometimes that can help. Also with the anxiety you're talking about, meditation can be helpful. Or sometimes you just need a little quiet time, some nice calming music and a nice spot to sit down and close your eyes. Or maybe you could express your anxiousness somehow. I like to draw and paint when I'm feeling stressed, and it always makes me feel better. If you have a hobby like that, try doing it when you feel yourself getting anxious.

[Chantellabella]

There are a lot of things I never mentioned about her in the first post. Then again, there would be little point in listing everything that happened A-Z as it would hardly be worth casting it up again. Maybe you can just take my word for it.

Last year, I did have a male key worker who had been in that role for many months. I did not like working with him after a while. He just seemed silly. Then I had a shift with the Spanish lady and I thought she was nice, so I asked her if she could be my key worker and back then, she was enthusiastic, and being that she knew NOTHING about me, it COULD have been a good fresh start had I played my cards right. But then I kept ruminating over stuff that had gone on in the past and people eventually grow bored of that. Then I took her to a sexual health clinic once when I had caught something from being with a prostitute and I said a lot of sexual things to her. And although they were not about her, she acted a bit offended, as if to say; 'Do not tell me these things!' when I was just being open about what I was going through. And of course, the male worker I played pool with had to be a grass, so she was probably a bit uneasy and had to finally cut me off.

Admitting I like her is the easy part, and I guess at the time too, I deliberately chose a female key worker such as her because I wanted a "surrogate girlfriend" since my old ex had never been treating me right during the time we had spent together. And I am aware that professionals are not open for dating, and it is frowned upon for caregivers to have personal relationships with the people they are paid to support. But picture yourself as a person with (minimal) social interaction skills and they ARE your whole life. Of course you will want to get close with them, because you believe they care about you when nobody else wants to know you even exist. But then when things get rough, you soon know where their loyalty lies. When things get too heated for them, they have you go to jail because you are getting too familiar with them. That would crush anybody's spirit, make them socially afraid to get near others and be honest about their feelings, for fear they might then use what you say against them (which is 100% cruel). In other words, it really does not do wonders for your self-esteem, confidence or mental health to have people turn their backs on you. These women ought to be ashamed of themselves for letting this situation get out of hand. All the grief I was subjected to was all for them, yet they do not seem to care that I was locked up or had my heart torn from my chest. They are selfish and inconsiderate to match.

If I were these two women, I may want to reconsider my career options. I do not think they have any passion left in them for helping me any more and they DID go out of their way to hurt me. Maybe not on purpose, but they did HURT me. Going to jail is an experience that will remain in your mind forever. And to think I was actually remanded in jail twice, over wanting THEM back on my team. It truly sickens me.

You know, I hear your pain. I do have to ask you something and mention something. Are these key workers like counselors? You said the women "should be ashamed of themselves for letting this situation get out of hand." I'm a firm believer in a couple of things. Counselors have no business getting involved with their clients. And two, unless you are totally incapable of caring for yourself, you were 50% responsible for not letting the situation get out of hand. I get it that some counselors overstep their boundaries and need to set boundaries. I had two such counselors who I reported to the state for touching me inappropriately.

If they wanted to date you, then backed out on it, then it's one thing. But if they were not willing to have a relationship, then I think they were doing the legal thing, which is not to get involved with their clients. From what you wrote in your original post, it sounds like you continued to contact them after they asked you to stop it. Was that the case?