Could use some advice on how to cope with my situation.
For the past few years I've become more and more concerned about my face. Now I can hardly go buy groceries anymore because I look like a frog (this is my mindset for some reason, a frog!) and I don't want people to throw up. I often cry when I see the mirror and 5 out of 10 times I don't even leave the house because I feel so disgusting. I have skipped school many times and I don't meet people, or want to meet them anymore because I feel like I'm not worthy of anything because I'm so ugly. I don't have any obvious cause of insecurity on my face, no big scars or anything like that. Some years ago I even thought I looked pretty at times, but since then things have gone downhill really fast for no apparent reason. I feel like my face has changed from okay to something horrible, but I am unable to pinpoint the difference. I might take a picture of myself with a webcam and think ''wow that's really pretty, I wish I actually looked like that.'' because I do not look like that at all. I think it's the contrast and stuff making me look like a human being. Other times I get really anxious if someone has a camera out. There are times I have gone to school but then left immediately after seeing my reflection somewhere. If my hair gets even a bit messy (if it rains outside for example. Heck, even the wind is a problem) it's like the end of the world for me.
The whole thing has gone through the roof since my sister started dating a girl who does modeling and doesn't understand when I ask her kindly not to show me her model pictures (I know there's a lot of makeup and photoshop involved, but still) and she has been sorta rubbing it in my face for a few months now. As silly as it sounds, this is stressing me out and making it harder for me to go out. I have tried to talk to her and my sister about how I feel really insecure and her bragging is just making me feel worse, but they don't seem to understand how much this bothers me. Nobody has ever called me ugly, but I was bullied for having crooked teeth as a kid. I don't believe that's the cause however since I have fixed my teeth years ago, way before this problem started. Any advice?
Im unconventionally attractive which means that 99/100 people think im completely disgusting but 1/100 think im attractive. I see the looks on thier faces. They arent worth as much as you think they are. These people use and manipulate me for being ugly. They think that I dont deserve to wear clothing that isnt the equivalent of a rubbish bag, act confident or have an opinion. Im conceited and narcisistic because I want my hair to look good. That isnt something a human does. Did you know that part of the definition of being human is having empathy? The fact that you feel empathy makes you better than those who cannot. Many people pretend not to have facial expressions and have a natural monotone voice. My cat does this. If they have no facial expressions then other people cant tell that they are fake. That cold feeling that you get from people is real. Its not something wrong with you its something wrong with them. Learn how to read micro expressions. You will see how fake these people are and realise that even if you arent attractive ( im borderline asexual and i cant see your picture so no comment on this) you have something they dont. If this person was racist and hated you for your skin colour , would you still think "oh poor racist im offending them by going outside and using my human rights. They are better than me because they dont feel empathy" ? Do you get angry when other people abuse ugly people? Stop devaluing yourself. Even if you are the ugliest person on earth you have a right to live like a normal person. What kind of sick person thinks that because someone is unattractive that they arent allowed to live? Do you seriously feel sorry for those people? The reality is hard to handle. People are not as nice as you think they are. You might not even be ugly. Some people are so superficial that if you have one feature thats not normal you are automatically ugly.
You make a really good point. I hate how we live in a society where a persons value is defined by how they look. If people weren't as shallow as they are (this includes me, since I spent so much time worrying about the way I look) this world would be a lot better place to live in.
I know how you feel with the whole 'I don't feel like I even look human' thing. And that sucks enough all on its own--I can't imagine having to be in close contact with someone who does modelling and is always shoving it in my face in addition to dealing with my own thoughts. The trouble with the modelling industry is it celebrates such a small fraction of people, and while there is a lot of talk about diversifying body types, I haven't heard half as much clamouring for different types of facial features to be held up as beautiful. And that's just silly of society, because the current standard of beauty for faces is so specific that it's gotten kind of boring, really. I know not everyone thinks that, but I hope you know that someone on the planet does.
When I feel really horrible about my appearance, something that's helped me in the past is remembering that every time someone sees me, they don't just see me, they see what I'm doing. The great thing about real life versus photoshoots is you get to move and talk and express yourself. I really vividly remember driving with a friend of mine last summer and seeing these two men at a crosswalk. They were having a conversation, and the guy who was talking carried himself so jauntily, and was speaking really expressively. I can't remember his face for the life of me, but I remember that seeing the way he moved made me really want to talk to him and find out what he and his friend were speaking about. And I know it can feel like the society doesn't notice that sort of thing; it's like what
@compulsive
said up there: lots of people put a damper on their personalities, trying to be that distant, disaffected, pouty sort of attractive that is all over the media, because that appears to be what is celebrated by the world, and because it feels safer. But what I've been trying to remember, and what I hope you might consider, is that appearance isn't just the features of your body and face, it's also what that body and face of yours are doing that people see when they look at you. Humans are geared towards vision; of course we are going to form our first impressions of someone based on sight, we form our first impressions of practically everything based on sight and I won't try to deny that. However, this doesn't mean that we can't perceive a lot more than just skin and muscle and fat and bone when we look at someone.
That really made me feel better! I really hope people would look at me like that. I am very expressive also and I do hope that takes the attention away from my face.
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