Im so lost

[goldenRush]

Im just really tired of feeling the way i do and having to run to the bathroom everytime i have a anxiety attack.. which happened 3 times in 2 hours today. I called my mom and i couldnt stop crying i didnt know what else to do.. my BF lives 4 hours away and well yeah.. relationship problems. I have a personality disorder and its making me act crazy or idk if its my anxiety thats making me act crazy.. i just need help i just need to know what is causing me to be THIS ANXIOUS.. im sick of you , you stupid anxiety! Just leave me alone ... x.x


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[Cuchculan]

Welcome to the forum. With any luck you can get a bit of help here. Maybe a few tips on how to deal with your anxiety. Because we have all been there. Some worse than others. I assume you have seen both a doctor and a therapist? Just to access you. Try and figure out what is causing all your anxiety. Once that is found out, you can begin to treat it. Is like anything in life, we begin slowly and work our way upwards. Learn as we go along. It can bring on all kinds of emotions. That is normal for anxiety. No shame in that at all. It can leave us frustrated and angry. Hang on in there. There is always a road back. No matter how bad it may seem right now.

[Goat]

Welcome

[Ironman]

Hello, GoldenRush!

[goldenRush]

❤️❤️❤️❤️ its just ive had bad relationships in the past and now i guess im always anxious when i have a boyfriend. I havent had an anxiety attack since i last spoked to him. Yesterday. We had a deal (on my end i asked if we could do it because i needed it)'that we wouldnt talk for 1 week. Because i need to know whats cause me to have at least 10 anxiety attacks a day.. umm the personality disorder i have is dependant personality disorder with traits of borderline personality disorder. And im seeing a therapist right now, and shes doing cbt with me. And she sent me to a group thats for skills for anxiety. Anyways i believe that i need to do dbt with act. And i need to do meditation, a lot of it. But my therapist doesn't seem to understand that what i need is dbt and act and not cbt.. anyways im not comfortable with her at all. I feel like she thinks that im over reacting and i feel like she thinks that im stupid for feeling like i do.. and i called the big boss of mental health and i told him like okay please i need a new therapist because mine isnt helping me and i dont feel comfortable with her... and all he could tell me is oh well sorry you have to talk to your therapist about it yourself its your responsibility. Like WTF did you not just hear that i said the reason im here is because im not comfortable with HER.. ugh like i thought mental health was suppose to HELP YOU..


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[Cuchculan]

So first off don't let anybody make you feel like any of this is all your fault. Or that you are stupid for thinking as you do. It is our condition. At times we have ideas as to what we think is going on and how we feel we should be treated. With a therapist they are all but set in their ways. They have learned a lot from books. Can be a bit narrow minded. This works for most people, so I will continue to use it. In other words, they think if it works for a lot of people it should work on everybody. Great theory they have. But that is not always the case. If you are paying to see this therapist I would look for a new one. One who will do what you feel needs to be done. Pointless wasting your money on a therapist you feel you are getting nothing out of at all.

As for the boyfriend? Don't fall into the old trap of basing all relationships on previous ones. We can have good ones. We can have bad ones. But bad does not always mean that everything after that will be bad too. Make sure to keep up some form of communication with your boyfriend. Even if it is only a text message a day. Just so you don't push him away. We don't want him to feel like you are blaming him for any of this.

Keep a journal at all times. Based around your anxiety attacks. What you were doing before one came on. What thoughts were in your head. You might see some kind of pattern there. I seriously believe this is what your therapist is looking for. A pattern to your life. When attacks come on and why. We can only really find that out by keeping a record. Very detailed record at that. Every thought you might have. How exactly you are feeling day by day. Bit like a study on yourself over a period of time. Then we look and ask ourselves did we have to think in that way? Did we have to react in that way? Could we have done something else? These things take time and learning.

Meditation is good. Even five minutes a day. Doesn't have to be just sitting there. Even adult colouring books. Lot of people use them. Think we have a thread on them. They take our mind off of ourselves. Which is something we do when we are feeling down. Inward thinking. Which only makes us feel worse. Go onto you tube as well. Check out breathing videos. So if you have an attack you will know how to breathe the right way to calm yourself back down. Just take your time with things. You will learn as you go. Like we all did. Remember there is always people here for you.

[InvisibleGuy]

Welcome

I think relationships are really tough for anyone, they're a lot of work...and then throw in anxiety and depression and that for sure doesn't make it any easier. I think you'll get a lot of good advice here, if you ever need feedback on a specific problem or issue.

Wrt your therapist, I think the reaction you got from the "big boss of mental health" you talked to was a little strange. I'm not sure what your options are (I know therapy is reeeeally expensive here in the US, even with good insurance). But it might be up to you to change therapists, as opposed to going to someone over her head. I've fired therapists before. Once half way through my third session. I just knew, felt it down to my core, that she was not going to be able to help me, and she was not what I needed at the time. I don't think that necessarily means she's a bad therapist, she just wasn't a good fit for me, not back then. I told her I just don't think this is going to work out, and I need to try a different therapist, or a different form of therapy, and I thanked her for her time and got up and walked out. That's all that needed to be said lol. You don't have to be that direct....you can just change therapists (I think that's probably what a lot of patients end up doing). If it's not working out you most def should not waste your time though. You're the best and only judge really as to whether they're going to be right for you. Don't be discouraged though, good therapists are really, really hard to find ime.

[Wishie]

I hope your feeling better Gold.

[goldenRush]

Update guys: my therapist is free because its covered with my medicare ahah and yeah i left her a huge message about how i think i need a new therapist (maybe my old one back who had to leave for personal reasons) because i have never been more comfortable than with her and i miss her a lot i was 100% honest with her.. ive never been honest with anyone like i was with her ) anyways) and ya so ill be waiting for her call! Ill update on that. Ill deff start writting when i have my anxiety attacks! I will start exercising and doing yoga and meditation and im gonna start putting small goals in my life so i have something to work for and achieve. Also my personality disorder is dpd with traits of borderline SO i told my therapist insted of cbt i want dbt and ACT. I need to get to know myself and why im so dependant on other peoples opinions. Its like mine is always wrong so i tend to go for their opinion and i rather someone help me do something then me doing it on my own. Because again i feel like im bad at it and with their help it will be better, prob because i have a bad self esteem problem.. and very negative mind. Those are the things i want to FOCUS on and need help with... not cbt . Not just my anxiety.... it just pisses me off how everyone is like ohh you need to relax and stop doing things so fast and rushing all the time and talking really fast and loud and like UGH wtf why do i do these things? Is it my anxiety? Like idk i had adhd as a kid and i got re tested and i dont have it Anymore.
Im still on concerta cause i have difficulty concentrating becausd i have learning disabilities and fast passed thoughts all the time its like my brain never stops, ever. I had a dependancy issue with alchohol but i wasnt too bad it was starting to develop though. I havent drank in 2 months , ive only been to 2 sessions of the group my therapist put me in. Its so fucking intense..
Like people there are pretty much alcoholics. Talking about rehab and cravings and [BEEP] .. like OkAY wooaahhhh calm down i barely thought aBout alchohol and i havent had any cravings? Why the hell am i in this class? And i was in a skill group class and went 3 times outta the 6 time session. So my therapist god pisses and said im sending u back to the same one and i want you to go to each class if not well... as in like im done with you. Anyways thats why i got paranoid and pissed and reallised how she needs to friggen listen to me so thats when i called the boss... ya so ill let you know what she sais when she calls back .. about my anxiety ,im on medical weed . But im starting to smoke up to 1G a day. My anxiety is just bad kts unbarable . But i like the feeling of being high like im calm and just happy and ughh.. why cant i just be like that 24/7 but noo... my mom and sister thinks im starting to depend on it and that i smoke way too much for someone with anxiety... so sigh idk what to do ...



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[goldenRush]

I hope your feeling better Gold.

Thank you so muchhh!! ❤️❤️


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[goldenRush]

Hello, GoldenRush!

Hello!!


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[Otherside]

Hey there, welcome to the site. Sounds like you've got it pretty rough at the mo so

Don't feel like it's your fault for this. You are entitled to a new therapist (or any medical professional), even if it is free (I have had free therapy, (most of the time), because I live in the UK and we have free healthcare here, and I have at times, requested to see a different medical professional for whatever reason.) Sometimes, patients and medical professionals do not get on for whatever reason, and if that is the case, you are entitled to request a switch. Your therapist should understand this.

[goldenRush]

Hey there, welcome to the site. Sounds like you've got it pretty rough at the mo so

Don't feel like it's your fault for this. You are entitled to a new therapist (or any medical professional), even if it is free (I have had free therapy, (most of the time), because I live in the UK and we have free healthcare here, and I have at times, requested to see a different medical professional for whatever reason.) Sometimes, patients and medical professionals do not get on for whatever reason, and if that is the case, you are entitled to request a switch. Your therapist should understand this.

Yeah you would think right!!! Shes back in tomorrow so she will listen to the message i sent her on her voicemail.. idk im nervous as heck!!!!!!! To answer when she calls. Im scared she will be like "you dont think im trying to help you" or " you think im a bad therapist"
Idk ill freeze and prob have a anxiety attack..


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[Otherside]

Yeah you would think right!!! Shes back in tomorrow so she will listen to the message i sent her on her voicemail.. idk im nervous as heck!!!!!!! To answer when she calls. Im scared she will be like "you dont think im trying to help you" or " you think im a bad therapist"
Idk ill freeze and prob have a anxiety attack..


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If she says that, it would be incredibly unprofessional of her. You have done nothing wrong. You have informed her that you do feel that working with her is helping and feel you would be better off trying elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, you and your mental health needs to come first in this situation.

That said, I do unfortunately understand the anxiety. I've been there myself. :hugs

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[goldenRush]

If she says that, it would be incredibly unprofessional of her. You have done nothing wrong. You have informed her that you do feel that working with her is helping and feel you would be better off trying elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, you and your mental health needs to come first in this situation.

That said, I do unfortunately understand the anxiety. I've been there myself. :hugs

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Yeah it sucks so bad! She called and said she wanted to talk to me about that


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