Hello! So I used to use forums for World of Warcraft back in the day, haha. Was actually pretty fun. I did go on Anxiety Zone a couple times after that because... I've had quite a bit of anxiety and it didn't do much for me probably because I never stuck around and gave it a chance. I think I'd I used it like the WoW forum it could have been really helpful. So I'm gonna really try to see what this can do for me, because I think there's something special about discussing this stuff with others that have the same issues as opposed to busy family and friends, and even doctors who may think they're helping but really don't, and cost tons of money. Just nice to know you're not alone sometimes too :-)
Ok anyways I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Andrew. I was diagnosed with bipolar back in 2010 after a manic episode and being hospitalized for a week. I never really liked the diagnosis although I felt symptoms. I took meds for a few months but decided to quit without telling anyone. I didn't really trust that psychiatrist so I saw a few more over time with spurts of trying to do it myself (which didn't work) and those doctors seemed to all have different opinions on whether or not I actually had bipolar. So then those symptoms started to diminish over time and I was left with anxiety and depression which came and went. The anxiety got really bad at times and the depression was generally below the surface but clearly effecting me. Also read and watched many philosophical things which gave me pretty interesting views on life lol... Started wanting to not be so consimeristic, eating unhealthy food like most people do, spending all my money on things I don't need... So anyways was able to see a therapist eventually which was nice because I had the luxury of insurance covering it completely, but if I had to pay I probably would not have done it because the changes were very slow and not very dramatic. I took medication again here and there but always got to a point where I was uncomfortable and stopped.
Sooo the nature of my anxiety generally has to do with not knowing what I should do with my life. I went to school for accounting but the work was never fulfilling and actually completely stressed me out. I thought maybe I'd I wasn't getting stressed it'd be ok but... I don't think so haha. I got into sustainable gardening, I like music, education, but the right of spending all my money on school in the US, not knowing if I'll actually get a job, if I'll like the work for more than a few years, having loans, maybe the education isn't even good, well all of that left me just making no decision at all, except to go spend all of my money traveling in Southeast Asia, which is where I am now. It's been such a beautiful experience and wasn't worrying so much at first but... Those worries have caught up with me. If I'm not worrying about work I'm worried about my lack of attracting many girls lately lol, or about trying to eat healthy on the road which can be hard... Or the past few days where I've been toiling over trying to tell this girl I'm not interested in her. She really likes me but I don't want to hirt her feelings I guess, always had trouble with that sort of thing but, she's also in the big group of friends I met and will meet again soo... Idk it's just frustrating because I should be able to just tell her, but probably shouldn't tell her I'm physically attracted to her so I have to lie I guess.
Sorry I'm talking so much but I just want to give anyone that's interested the gist of the sort of things that I deal with, how I got to this point, etc. There's much more but... Yeah I try to meditate, get more sleep, exercise but some of those things are super hard to do on this trip but don't always work anyways when I do have the time. So I'm just struggling a little bit. And I also haven't figured much out at all in terms of what I'll do when I get home in August(been traveling since Feb) and maybe that's ok but I stress about it a lot... Soooo anyways that's enough for now.
I look forward to meeting everyone! I know we all have our struggles but hopefully this commonality can help us support each other as we try to heal n such. :-D