so much is bothering me now, I wish I was dead so I can finally have peace and not have a racing mind. I do regret coming off geodon but I couldnt handle the side effects
so much is bothering me now, I wish I was dead so I can finally have peace and not have a racing mind. I do regret coming off geodon but I couldnt handle the side effects
I'm beginning to hate travelling home. Get back and I get to deal with judgement and derision over a mental health condition I have to deal with. From a certain member of my immediate family
Bonus points this person also had her own mental health condition and demands sympathy and understanding for it, whilst simultaneously refusing to understand anyone else's.
Even more bonus points when they person likes to go on and on about fight to stigma and all, and is one of the most inconsiderate - if not the most inconsiderate - when it comes to my own.
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I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I'm at the point now where I am genuinely considering walking away from a family member, and going "fuck it. I'm done with you."
What's held me back from completely cutting this person off is the fact that nobody else is going to be happy with me if I do this. But honestly?
The last few months, with little to no contact I have been significantly happier.
I don't consider it to be unreasonable to not want to have anything to do with someone who shows absolutely no understanding whatsoever towards me, and gives few shits, if any, about my life, and for whom the only words spoken to me are in the form of sneers, mocking, derision and "I'm better than you" entitlement. I don't accept "they blame you because you got ill and made things difficult" as an excuse. I don't make excuses for the way I behave when I'm out of order, I take responsibility and apologise. But I will not be made to feel guilty for the rest of my life because they want someone to blame for the fact that they had a less than stellar childhood.
It is beyond belief thay I am constantly being asked to "send an encouraging text, they're having a hard time", or being told, "I wish you two would talk to each other more." Well, here is why I don't make the effort. Beyond the fairly obvious, as in this person is a remorseless thief, this person has, repeatedly, over the years, treated me like complete and utter shit, and makes me feel crap about myself when I am around them. And then, turns around, and had the cheek to demand unlimited sympathy and be the victim? Give me a break. Here is the hard truth. I do not feel much sympathy right now. Sympathy is not something I am capable for people who just want to be massive arseholes all the time.
(You know, I can't believe that I genuinely have to explain why I want nothing to do with this person. Everyone else I have spoken to can genuinely work this one out. If it was anyone other than family I would have cut this person off a long time ago.)
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I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
My daughter is missing again. Its been 3 weeks. She was clean for pver a year. She was doing SO WELL. She told me and we talked about the chances of relapse. Her eating disorder takes over her thoughts and in the past she took heroin to make the thoughts stop. Shes an addict but was in recovery and in a program. I feel so so so sad for her. And worried. She doesnt deserve what life has dealt her. Shes such a lovely, giving, caring soul.
Had a phone interview scheduled. Waited in today to recieve this.
Ended up not calling.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I just heard from her. She’s safe and not on drugs. This should go in the ‘good news’ section.
Hey, that's good to hear. Glad things are going okay.
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I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
@Jamie good to hear your daughter is OK. All I do is worry about my kids, so I know the feeling all too well. Comes with being a parent. If we didn't worry we wouldn't care, wouldn't love them like we do.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
What's bothering me is my therapist and my doctor. Ffs, man. I couldn't get a release to go back to work, cos I missed my last two group therapies. The sessions are three hours long, and I was sick last week (I really was), so I missed. I went to the hospital today and met with Miss Manipulator (my therapist) and she agreed to give me a release for work if I make the sessions up tomorrow & Wednesday.
I even called her that. "Miss Manipulator". She smiled but I could tell it bothered her a little. Guess she's not used to having people analyze her lol.
God I don't want to go. Wednesday is gonna be a huge goodbye session. It's a huge ritual, ffs, that just drags on and on and on. And I'm not much good at goodbyes.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
I'm going through so much in my life right now, and my parents have been no help at all. Instead, they have berated me... share with me everything they hate about me... how I'm crazy and making awful choices in life. I make wise choices in my life. I'm not a bad person. People like me... but my parents think people "don't know the real me." They treat me as though I'm not worth loving
Gonna try and get a doctors appointment tomorrow. I've been saying I'm going to do this since abaout easter but now that I've actually gotten to position to do it...not looking forward to it. Going to have to go through a long description of just how absolutley rubbish I have been feeling times with someone who is, quite frankly, a complete stranger. And I'm not exactly comfortable with that. I don't know them, I've barely seen them, I don't want to sit there and open up and tell them how crap I've been. I don't want to discuss my mental health with them. Heck, it's embarresing, and for some reason I'm embarressed that it's causing problems again.
And then I have to hope that they are not going to just send me on my way and tell me that nothing is wrong and I'm making all this up or exagerrating.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
Went back to my GP today. Actually managed to somehow get an appointment today with him. I didn't have to explain to the receptionist in great depth why I wanted to see him in order to do so, thank god, and she accepted "It's regarding a long-term health condition" as a reason. He actually listened, and I'm glad for that.
So I've been referred back to the mental health team, should get a letter in the post at somepoint offering me an appointment with a psychiatrist in...who knows how long. In the meantime, he's raised the dosage of my meds. He wasn't comfortable doing that at all.
So I guess this maybe shouldn't be in "anything bothering you?" I mean, I feel slightly relieved that I was actually listened to. But this is bothering me. I feel absolutley embarressed and defeated that I've had to do this. I'd never tell anyone else this, never judge anyone else for going back to the doctors when there mental health starts to get worse. And yet when it comes to myself...
I'm just such a hypocrite when it comes to myself.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
socializing is so damn hard, I messed up so much on confusing people on what I want from them.