Don't be a Victim

**Total Eclipse** · 7 Jul 2018, 9:52pm

Advice I got from a close friend today: "Don't be a victim"

Sometimes people with anxiety, and confidence issues, are more trusting than we should be. And because of that, we allow more abuse, and tolerate, more than the average person. If someone is doing something that isn't OK, stop it. Don't back down, from saying, or in fact, doing something, about their actions (rather it be telling them enough, blocking them, reporting to police), do not let someone keep you scared and locked up. You are worth so much more.

And so much stronger than you think

In my case, my chosen choice of action is not to engage with the person, any longer, block, and get appropriate people involved to enforce they leave me alone.

--- Good Bye toxicity!

Has anyone else gone through similar things? Lets share and empower each other!

**Koalafan** · 7 Jul 2018, 9:56pm

Thank you so much for this Kay!! This message is extremely important

**PinkButterfly** · 8 Jul 2018, 4:12pm

I do shut people out but then I am also paranoid so I will delete people from my facebook then think what the heck did I just do and then send them a friends request again and sometimes several times . lol I am just not wrapped real tight in the head when it comes to trusting people or even myself.

I get mad at people and then forgive them usually right away never longer than a day or two but when they get mad at me they usually stay mad and make crap up and then make it look like I am the horrible person when I even prove them wrong but I still forgive them and want to make things right even if they don't want too.. I still am hurting from what happened between me and my best friend of 27 years I have tried everything humanly possible to get her to talk too me but she wont its now been over a year. I just don't get how she can throw away a friendship that was 27 years and we had some really fun times and never argued she did do some things to me that were hurtful but I never said a word to her about it but when I finally did say something back she deletes me from her life completely .

I don't know I guess for me Forgiveness is the best way now that doesn't mean I forget but I would rather just stay friends and try to work things out even with people who have treated me horribly.

**InvisibleGuy** · 8 Jul 2018, 6:20pm

My parents were this way....they're whole attitude about my anxiety and depression was "don't be a victim"....that soooo, soooo describes my parents. In the last several years my mom has been diagnosed with anxiety disorders, and their attitude towards it has changed. They've had doctors tell them that she needs to be on meds and in therapy for it. Wow. All of a sudden. What a 180 degree change in attitude.

To be honest, I still think my dad thinks "it's all in your head". Which. It is. Duh. But I think he believes it's something you can just snap out of, and will yourself into getting over it. He doesn't understand. He doesn't get it. He was drafted during Vietnam. He believes in tough love, he always has, he is very, very old school. He's just really hardcore. He went a little over 20 years at his employer, and didn't call in sick one time. That should kind of paint a picture of my old man. He doesn't believe anxiety disorders are a real thing and he never will. He believes PTSD is a real thing though lol. I don't understand the way he thinks.

I think at one point he tried to argue with my mom's doctors, but eventually just gave up. I think he was outnumbered.

I've decided I don't need anyone else to validate my struggles, my disorders. I don't care what anyone else thinks, and that includes my own parents. I know what I have to overcome, I know it's real, I'm getting help in the best ways that I can, and that's all that matters. What others think, they're own prejudices, their own delusions about anxiety and depression....those don't matter to me. Not anymore.

ETA:
I'd just add that some of the most hurtful and harshest things I've ever had said to me have come from others who suffer from anxiety and depression.

It stems from the whole "who has it worse" mindset. And sometimes the "well at least I'm not that bad" mindset.

I've heard and seen others talk about those who suffer from bipolar disorder, for example. I've seen it on a number of different forums. Comments like "well at least I'm not bipolar, ffs". Or comments like "well at least I don't have a personality disorder". Some of the cruelest comments I've ever seen have been directed towards people with anxiety and depression, by those who suffer from anxiety and depression.

As far as I'm concerned, if they're talking to you about someone behind their back....then they're probably talking about you to someone else behind your back. I'm amazed at how few people realize this lmao.

**InvisibleGuy** · 9 Jul 2018, 1:22pm

^ I understand. That's good advice your friend gave you.

I should've been more clear. My parents always told me "don't be such a victim" but they meant it in an entirely different way than your friend did. Wish I'd had someone around when I was a kid to tell me I didn't have to allow so much hurt. To stand up for myself. To shut out toxic people. Even today, I still let toxic people in (irl and online).

**Otherside** · 9 Jul 2018, 4:58pm

Here if you ever need me, friend.

**InvisibleGuy** · 9 Jul 2018, 6:14pm

I'm here for you also Kay. God knows you've been there for me. If you ever want to talk you know I'm here.

**whisperingzombking** · 24 Jan 2019, 9:44pm

It's true.the worse thing for someone with depression to have is a victim mentality. This is what's holding every single person with depression back.

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