I realized ‘I’ needed help when I was 14. I called her psychiatrist to ask why she was eavesdropping on every phone conversiation I had, why did she have a secret phone hidden under her bed for the other phone line for just this purpose, why did she forbid me from seeing my best friend for having breasts, why did she blame me for my father leaving ‘her’, why did she beat me to the pulp, slam my face into carpet, stab me with a broken golf club after breaking it on my back, call me a [BEEP] and a slut, I didn’t ask all these exact questions but I DID ask him to stop her from drinking and driving with only me in the car, never my brothers. I asked him to help me.
I asked my father to help me while I was hiding from her in my closet.
I applied to the Convent of the Sacret Heart and was accepted when my neighbors suggested I go that route.
She wouldn’t let me attend and no one ever helped me.
I learned to help myself.
I have boundaries. My mom does have mental illness and lives in a group home. Comparatively, she is better than most of the other residents. She often ends up in the background because the others are having issues (even with their meds). I make sure my mom does what she needs to do - I am her legal personal guardian. I draw the line - I must have my own space! I cannot have her living with me.
I realized my mom needed help when I was about 4 it was evident she was unable to care for kids to paranoia of child protective services for instance one time I jumped on the couch and a pair of scissors went through my back I have a scar she told me to get paper towel and rip the scissors out and pretty much get over it I was 10 I?m sure I needed stitches or when she would lay on the couch and pop pills and sleep all day to talking me she wish she never had me and my sister to saying I was a mistake she used to manipulate a lot as well usually by guilt tripping us into doing things for her. Then after awhile her discipline methods changed from taking her frustration out on us Physically to emotional abuse and around the age I turned 13 and my sister was 16 she would punch my sister at times she also had unstable men constantly over the course of my childhood she dated alcoholics drug addicts men who would attack her to pretty much any kind of man my mom was huge on the emotional abuse though like I said by telling me she was she never had us gave us up to simple things as I don?t love you anymore I don?t want to look at you or other things I simply blocked out of my mind. My mom will never be able to get the help she needs she?s got these theories in her head that she can?t spend time with her children because her adopted parents never did things with her or because her adopted mom did A B and C she?s not supposed to I told her it?s the norm for a mother to get her nails done with her adult child or go to lunch she refuses to. She doesn?t even want to see her own grandkids or makes effort in trying to see them. Sorry for the long vent could go all day on this topic.
Happy Sparkles and Coffee
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