I don't want to end it but I really wish I could have a break from life.
Like I wish something bad would happen, where I could end up in hospital and take time out. No work. No pressure from family. Don't have to cook for myself or clean or do laundry. Stay in bed and sleep.
I want to feel safe enough to let go of all my responsibilities.
I just hate living right now. I'm sick of holding on, fighting and trying to be strong.
Anyone else feel like this?
life---><---me
I always said that life can feel like one big endless day. Just the night time to break it up. In other words it routine. Same things day in, day out. That can get bloody boring. That can get tiring too. It can wear you down. Drain you of all your strength. Can be hard to find something new to do. You step out of your routine and it can add a few problems that you don't need. I wouldn't say I ever wanted to end my life, but I have gotten tired of it. Wishing there was more to it. Instead of the same old boring things. I am a person who did spend a few months in a hospital. I even got tired of that. My mother always says that I get bored with things very easily. That doesn't help. Even if I do manage to find something new, chances are I will get bored with it very quickly. Oddly enough, in the past, I have spoken of just getting away from everything for a while. That I can well understand. The need or the want to leave life behind for a while. Just switch the lights off and take a break. But the reality is I know I am here and I will continue as I am. Have done for many years now. Just living a life that is false. My way of looking at it.
The Lovable Irish Rogue
I feel like that sometimes. Hell, I've felt like that more times than I can count.
What motivates me now is my kids. They depend on me in a lot of different ways, and for much, much more than just financial support. It's a relationship that requires a lot of effort and attention and empathy and emotional intelligence and time of course and a billion other things I could mention....on everyone's part (just like any real relationship) to nurture and grow. So if I don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning, and believe me I have days that are so, so like that, then I make sure my feet hit the floor in the morning for my kids. There are days when the only reason I get out of bed is because of them. There are days when I take care of what I have to take care of just for my kids. There are days when I take care of me, even though I don't want to, just because of my kids. There have been days in my past when I have felt like self harming, and I have NOT done it, just for my kids.
It doesn't have to be for your kids though. You should of course (imo) ultimately want to take care of yourself because you want to be on top of things, and responsible, and take care of yourself for you. But in times when I haven't had the motivation or the willpower or resolve to take care of myself for me, then I've done it for my kids. But it can be for your parents because they care about you and love you and would want you to take care of yourself....it would hurt them to see you that down, feeling that way.
And my definition of "taking care of yourself" goes way, way beyond just taking care of yourself physically and eating right and brushing your teeth and all that. It means doing what I have to do to take care of myself when it's the last thing on earth I feel like doing. It means going to work at times when I would rather have an arm bitten off by a rabid animal. And I've had those days. And there will be more to come. But I try to fight through it, even though I may not be doing it for myself (at first). Taking care of yourself and fighting through for a loved one may be a way to start the process of taking care of yourself....then later on the moments might pass, or you might become more motivated to take care of you for you. In addition to them.
Anyway, that's what has worked for me.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
I can say wholeheartedly that I feel the exact same way and have even hoped I could end up in a bed and not have to do a thing... I need a mental break for sure
Your wings were ready, my heart was not.
Consumer of Coffee
I hope everyone in this thread is able to find a nice peaceful 'break' from the stresses of life.
Something that has always helped me is focused meditation. When well-practiced meditating for just half an hour can sometimes feel like a mini-vacation during times of stress!
I would spend time out in the sun.......two hours at a time getting my tan on.
Sadly, those days are coming to an end as fall is here.
I feel like this everyday
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