I?m stranded outside and it?s cold I a have shorts and a short sleeved shirt
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I?m stranded outside and it?s cold I a have shorts and a short sleeved shirt
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Plus I?m worried the neighbors may call the cops because I?ve been standing on my parents porch for 5 minutes now
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Realizing I’m still hurt from what a person did to me earlier this year and I’m going through a bunch of bull crap with a really confusing person in my life. I wish I could go back in time and change a lot of things
Theres going to be some string language in here, so sorry about that.
So I took three months off ill last year due to severe depression, brought on by stress. This would then again three months after I returned to work. I left the job. The later episode was the worst I ever had.
I have one friend - same friend who seems to find my strugtling to eat humourous and deeply offensive to him (Money wasting - my money, specifically. And I am aware thanks) whose doing a game of "at least you didnt". He got fired from his internship. So yes, shitty I'm sure. But come on.
"At least you didnt crash and burn out" - Are you fucking kidding me? So why exactly was I off ill?
"At least you lasted past probation" - because I was signed off sick. Because firing me was illegal.
And then theres the food issue.
"That cost a lot of money you know!" You think I'm not aware? You think I don't want to eat this, rather than be sat here struggling to eat, because I might just throw up right here, literally within seconds? You think this isnt embarressing enough without loudly announcing my not eating to the whole bloody restaurant??!!
And then there was the laughted that I'm sure I saw. Yes, so so fucking funny. Me, the nausea, and being unable to eat.
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I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
Seems my whole family minus my dad is against me. Support system is pretty much nonexistent and they wonder why I’ve turned into an angry person.
Maybe I really am going crazy.![]()
That I've been feeling increasingly suicidal, at first I brushed it to the side b/c I'm prone to suicidal ideation. But one night me my mother got into a tiff....long story short she disregarded how I felt and what I asked, to surpass me and speak 'for me' to my boss. I felt so completely out of control and like my world was falling apart that I went for a walk. I needed to escape. It was than that I started to think about the train tracks nearby and how they weren't far and for a brief period of time I was walking to that destination until I hit an intersection and stopped. I can't tell you how tired I was in attempts to not walk there. I walked in circles basically for two+ hours I was trudging home due to exhaustion more than anything. I don't think that feeling left though....I feel stable, but like something is wrong where I have this grim outlook of maybe dying in the near future? which is terrible. I know that. It's just like I don't consider myself a part of the equation. I felt the same exact way when I was late to one class with a strict attendance policy. I literally contemplated driving to the hospital I was previously admitted to for a previous suicide attempt. Which I thought I had calmed down after an hour or so, but for my photography H.W that I worked on that same day hours latter I took a picture of a "dead end sign" that a day after the fact I realized was ominous af of the emotions I felt....-it wasn't nice out that day and I was aimlessly taking pictures before a rain storm and it was just "dead end" in dark clouds.
I don't want to be too vindictive but I'm not ready to forgive anyone yet and I'm tired of people making me feel bad about it
I'm a failure.
*Fart noises*
Regrets eating me alive and just questioning myself anymore
I'm so tired of being so terrible.
*Fart noises*
We're screwed. We're bloody screwed.
I'M GONNA FIGHT 'EM ALL
A SEVEN NATION ARMY COULDN'T HOLD ME BACK.......
I want to end my life but I can't