What can you do that you couldn't before? What is no longer a trigger?
Happy Sparkles and Coffee
What can you do that you couldn't before? What is no longer a trigger?
Happy Sparkles and Coffee
I've been in an abusive relationship, felt guilt tripped, and felt pressured: it led to other relationships feeling a cycle of possibly non-intentional triggers; and having to justify to them why I'm not okay with certain things. It made me carry a defense and want to boarder up.... and people didn't understand and got frustrated with me, making it worse.I found myself in a cycle of guilt by saying no to triggers
But now for the positive
With my current partner... he totally gets it.. he doesn't pressure me, or push at things, or bring certain things up-- until he thinks I'm ready (and that I've communicated that I am). I never thought I'd meet such a perfect and wonderful person.
I'm starting to feel all the damage from past situations start to heal. He's proving and defying, showing.... there are good people out there willing to help you cope. I knew that all along and parts of my PTSD wouldn't let me see that... I'm just so thankful.. he is here.. now
And I'm also so thankful that I can understand and empathize with his life trauma's and able to help him cope.
I still have along ways... but this is the first time in my life, I'm comfortable with saying the "L" word ((LOVE
Feeling scared at times is normal.. but I'm so glad I have him by my side... and so emphatically understanding..
Before him.. I didn't think there was a human possible of getting me, understanding me, and reaching to me on such a level that has started to heal me.
Socially inept Koala
First of all major hugs to you!!
However, I'm really happy you've found someone that does respect you and is a good and honest person! It's sad how hard and rare it is to find someone like that
Happy Sparkles and Coffee
Koalafan
First of all major hugs to you!!
However, I'm really happy you've found someone that does respect you and is a good and honest person! It's sad how hard and rare it is to find someone like that
Thank you for all the times you spoke to me...
There has been many aspects of healing... and you listening to me and just being there.. was deffo something that helped me
I realize this is an old thread, but I just wanted to say I'm so happy for you @Total Eclipse
You deserve to be happy, to have someone there that respects boundaries and knows how to read you, knows how you're doing, knows when to give you space, knows when to shut up and knows when you need to talk. You deserve to have someone there for you like that, in that way, and I wouldn't expect you to settle for anything less than a soulmate that gets you exactly in those ways. Hopefully we all find someone like that
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
I clicked on this thread cos I've been struggling with PTSD lately. I thought that after five years, after my gf had passed away, after I had scattered her ashes, after I'd spent so many hundreds of hours in therapy I'd be further along than I am. Sometimes I just have serious doubts that I've made any real progress.
My job requires me to travel quite a bit (1500 to 2500 miles a month of windshield time). I still avoid the old part of town where my gf and I lived. I avoid it like the plague. Anyway last week I screwed up, I got turned around in traffic, and missed a turn, and I ended up at an intersection really close to our old house. And I just lost it. I couldn't stop the tears from coming. And....it just ruined, completely ruined my whole day. That's what happens when I have flashbacks, it just....sets me back so, so far, it's almost like there's no recovering from it. There's no going back once I feel those feelings again, and once I go there, it's just like it's too late. I may as well go home, call in sick the rest of the day. I didn't....I got through it but....that's one part of me where I don't feel like I've made any progress at all.
I'd like to have more control over those feelings, over the flashbacks but they're almost just as bad as they were right after she died. I talk about it in therapy oc. It's just not something I seem to be able to get a handle on. Even when I go to that general area....it doesn't even have to be our old neighborhood.....I just get so, so very low, even just being in that part of Houston. It's been five years and I still can't go there without having an emotional meltdown half the fucking time. It's frustrating. And, just....disappointing, and sad.
On the upside I guess I have made some progress. I couldn't even hold a fucking job for over a year after she died. I was in three different psychiatric hospitals, for at least 30 days in each one, right after she passed away. So. I guess there's some consolation in that I can take care of myself now. Idk that I do a very good job of it, but I try.
So, this thread is all about overcoming some of it, and doing things you couldn't do in the past, and making progress, and trying to heal. And I think I've done a little bit of that. It just depresses the hell out of me to realize that it's probably never going to completely go away. It's like luggage, I'm going to carry it around with me forever. I don't know of anyone that's ever been "cured" of PTSD, I guess it's not possible. I guess you win by learning, using coping mechanisms. And talking it out. And not burying it.
You're going to lose people in your life, and realize that no matter how much time you spent with them or how often you told them you loved them, it will never seem like it was enough.
Hug the ones you love.
Happy Sparkles and Coffee
Thank youI realize this is an old thread, but I just wanted to say I'm so happy for you @Total Eclipse
You deserve to be happy, to have someone there that respects boundaries and knows how to read you, knows how you're doing, knows when to give you space, knows when to shut up and knows when you need to talk. You deserve to have someone there for you like that, in that way, and I wouldn't expect you to settle for anything less than a soulmate that gets you exactly in those ways. Hopefully we all find someone like that
Pickin' and Grinnin'!
I overcame it long ago. Thing is, PTSD isn't permanent. With time, and more positive surroundings, people can recover quite well. I have a new version of it now tho, CPTSD (the complex form) from the 3+ years of abuse....totally screwed me up. I'd say the latter is much much worse, especially in my case where the brain can create PTSD type fx on even stuff that hasn't even happened, making you feel that even tho you know it didn't, you still suffer as if you did (because you experience it in yer head as if it had), with your own mind in an OCDish kinda way being free to create whatever pretty accurate and detailed torture it can think up.... x_x but even from such there is recovery. Especially from this latter type, a positive environment and being around the right people rather than toxic types is a big step to recovery.
Not sure where to post this, just want to share this book title. I'm surprised it isn't mentioned here at all.
Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley, Bessel van der Kolk (Foreword)
"I don't think I've ever read a book that paints such a complex and accurate landscape of what it is like to live with the legacy of trauma as this book does, while offering a comprehensive approach to healing." --from the foreword by Bessel van der Kolk
A pioneering researcher gives us a new understanding of stress and trauma, as well as the tools to heal and thrive
Stress is our internal response to an experience that our brain perceives as threatening or challenging. Trauma is our response to an experience in which we feel powerless or lacking agency. Until now, researchers have treated these conditions as different, but they actually lie along a continuum. Dr. Elizabeth Stanley explains the significance of this continuum, how it affects our resilience in the face of challenge, and why an event that's stressful for one person can be traumatizing for another.
This groundbreaking book examines the cultural norms that impede resilience in America, especially our collective tendency to disconnect stress from its potentially extreme consequences and override our need to recover. It explains the science of how to direct our attention to perform under stress and recover from trauma.
With training, we can access agency, even in extreme-stress environments. In fact, any maladaptive behavior or response conditioned through stress or trauma can, with intentionality and understanding, be reconditioned and healed. The key is to use strategies that access not just the thinking brain but also the survival brain.
By directing our attention in particular ways, we can widen the window within which our thinking brain and survival brain work together cooperatively. When we use awareness to regulate our biology this way, we can access our best, uniquely human qualities: our compassion, courage, curiosity, creativity, and connection with others. By building our resilience, we can train ourselves to make wise decisions and access choice--even during times of incredible stress, uncertainty, and change.
With stories from men and women Dr. Stanley has trained in settings as varied as military bases, healthcare facilities, and Capitol Hill, as well as her own striking experiences with stress and trauma, she gives readers hands-on strategies they can use themselves, whether they want to perform under pressure or heal from traumatic experience, while at the same time pointing our understanding in a new direction.
Source: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/...den-the-window
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