No longer seek or desire friendships after bad experiences?

[Relle]

Hey AS, I wanted to hear some feedback on a topic I?ve been thinking about. As the title says, did anyone here find they cared less about having friends after a certain age or after bad experiences? I know we?re not supposed to look at everyone as having bad intentions but I find myself being very wary of people as a whole now. A couple of months ago, an old ?friend? of mine pretty much took advantage of me but I really should be angry at myself for allowing it. This same guy borrowed money from me and when it came time for him to pay me back, he blocked me on Facebook and stopped answering my phone calls. With most of my other friendships, I got tired of initiating contact.

For those of you that don?t have many friends, how do you help yourself feel connected without being lonely? I stopped using all social media so unless someone has my number or email, I don?t really hear from anyone anymore. I?ve never had much of a social life and now that I?m 26, I?m trying to find ways to be happier with my own company because I don?t feel anything is going to change for me in the friend department.

[Cuchculan]

In a nutshell, you simply get used to having no friends at all. I never see it as a big deal. In my younger years I hung around with about 30 plus people. To go from that number to 0 is a good trick in itself. It happened. I stopped going out. People moved on with their own lives. Which I do think was the right thing to do. They can only keep calling in so many times before they understand you won't be heading anywhere with them. I just started to find things I could do by myself. Gardening been one of them. That was how I earned good money for a number of years. You can work alone. I do still talk to old friends if I ever meet them. Have a good few of them on social media as well. A lot of them don't even live in Ireland any more. I guess you could say that I created my own little World. The older you get the less it bothers you. Friends on the net might outnumber friends in real life. That might end up been your interaction with the outside world. Even just out for a walk the other day. I met a number of people and stopped to talk to them. That is the way it can be these days. Quick chat if you run into them. Then maybe 10 or so months without seen them in real life. Might be a small case of not really caring any more. Accepting the situation.

[Relle]

Sorry it took so long for me to reply, was wondering if this thread would get more feedback but I like what you said. In my mind, I always felt since I’m 26, I should be going out and doing stuff with friends. I’ve been learning to accept being alone and it’s starting to get easier but I admit it bothers me some days. I’m trying to motivate myself to get back into drawing, that would definitely help a lot with how I feel sometimes so I’m gonna but a drafting table where I can sit and draw to keep occupied.

It’s weird because I have a couple friends in real life and with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 of them, the other few never ask to hangout or have an excuse when I do ask so I just stopped asking. The two I mentioned that do want to hangout are guys that I sadly have to keep at a distance. They’re good friends but they want more and that’s not something I want so we mainly talk on the phone here and there but 95% of the time, I’m pretty much alone. I guess it’s not a bad thing after all.

[Cuchculan]

I know it can feel like you are missing out on so much. You might see other people doing things. Think you should be doing those same things. That part of things might be frustrating. have you ever asked the other friends why they no longer wish to do things? Or is because you stopped hanging out with them, due to anxiety issues, and they simply took it up wrong and moved on. Which can happen. We don't exactly want to stick a sticker on out heads saying ' I have anxiety '. So we might not say anything about it at all. Thus people get the wrong impression. Art sounds good. It is a talent in itself. Never know, if you ever draw outside the house, as some people do, in parks and the likes, you might just meet others who are also into art. Like minded people. With me, I do talk to people when out. But I simply would class this as best friends or anything like that. I know them. Simple as that. I never ignore them. But they are not people you would ever see me going any place with. Not that I go many places at all. People are all into pubs and various other things that always seems to involve drink. Not my kind of thing at all. So what I do is a choice I have made. So if you had to make a choice, what would it be?

[fetisha]

Yeah I agree, I'm done with most people too and I'm getting tired of being told to try again to find friends. I'm also tired of being led on and dealing with being asked so many questions about why I'm so nervous and quiet. They barely tell me about themselves.

[HypnoticTrance]

Yup. I've had one too many bad experiences with people and it's made me keep my distance from everyone. I've even stopped communicating with folks online. I'd like to get back into meeting people as I've grown bored and know that meeting the right people can be very enriching, but I'll have to tread with caution and try to not let anyone bring me down. It's been about a year now that I haven't really talked to anyone outside of my family.

[broccolini]

No longer seek. The desire is not beat down completely. I am in the same room as some others who please me, and I want them to be that social way with me. I act like I can't wait to get out, and then I do.

[Sainnot]

Yes. Certain people betrayed me and now I realize that no one is truly trustworthy and they are out for themselves. Also people talk about me and think I’m a terrible person which I am but it made me realize that I just can’t be friends with anyone.

[rabidfoxes]

Not really. To me, meeting one good person is worth the hassle of having had to deal with 10 jerks previously. And I think my nose is becoming better as I get older, I know what my red flags are and pull back if the other person crosses the line. If I do get tired of people (which happens), I step back, read, tinker, work and fantasise about living somewhere rural with a friendly goat until I've regained my energy. Then I try to connect again.

[Lucid]

For me it's about taking a look at myself and knowing how far from perfect I am.I do things to try to improve what I consider my weak area's. This ties in with how I view other people. It's alright for people to make mistakes. Was the mistake intentional?Is the person working on things?

Everyone has a line though.Some people can just be nasty for whatever reason. If I can see a person is intentionally trying to cause me problems I remove myself from the situation.

[Heelsbythebridge]

I've been rejected almost all my life, and I'm almost 30... somehow I still seek friendship. I think it's just a biological drive for companionship.

I don't hesitate to cut out toxic or unhealthy relationships though. At this age, I know bad chemistry when I see it.

[DanielBlueSky]

In a nutshell, you simply get used to having no friends at all. I never see it as a big deal. In my younger years I hung around with about 30 plus people. To go from that number to 0 is a good trick in itself. It happened. I stopped going out. People moved on with their own lives. Which I do think was the right thing to do. They can only keep calling in so many times before they understand you won't be heading anywhere with them. I just started to find things I could do by myself. Gardening been one of them. That was how I earned good money for a number of years. You can work alone. I do still talk to old friends if I ever meet them. Have a good few of them on social media as well. A lot of them don't even live in Ireland any more. I guess you could say that I created my own little World. The older you get the less it bothers you. Friends on the net might outnumber friends in real life. That might end up been your interaction with the outside world. Even just out for a walk the other day. I met a number of people and stopped to talk to them. That is the way it can be these days. Quick chat if you run into them. Then maybe 10 or so months without seen them in real life. Might be a small case of not really caring any more. Accepting the situation.

Hi! Even though this post is 2 years old I related a lot to it. I moved on from most friends in my youth and now try to make better efforts to be social in the community here. Even if I don't have many friends I hang out with.

Still doing well?

[broccolini]

I realize most of my bad experiences come from my family. They really taught me how hateful people find me, and helped to make me come to believe that I cannot be around other people without them treating me badly out of the compulsion of hatred. The best thing I can do is keep away.

[Kesky]

*****

[Kesky]

I realize most of my bad experiences come from my family. They really taught me how hateful people find me, and helped to make me come to believe that I cannot be around other people without them treating me badly out of the compulsion of hatred. The best thing I can do is keep away.

Family can really [BEEP] you up. Thankfully you're here and I'm glad. Hugs.