Random Thought of the Day

[Otherside]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CmPTk...d=MDJmNzVkMjY=

Aha ha

I can't be the only one who has been seduced by ?5 flight ticket to Portugal, endured the two and half hour journey, then sworn you will never fly with them again upon arrival back at Stanstead...only to realize that every other airline is a lot more expensive and so you're stuck once again booking Ryanair and travelling over to bloody Stanstead.

Though the funniest ones have been "I'm never flying Ryanair again, always flying Emirates first class for all the little extras you dont get on budget airlines".

[Nyctophilia]

It’s 2023 and Tommy Robinson is more leftwing than the leader of the Labour Party.

The world really is ending, because Tommy isn’t entirely wrong here.

It's not that he's more left wing it's that the further right you go the less likely people are to share the neo-con foreign policy worldview. That's why that part of the right spend most of their time ranting about 'globalists' (or Jewish people depending on specific subtype of ideology.) Some of the most nationalistic people you'll meet are from working class towns. They require this mentality in this group so they can make them die for their country. However you'll also find people with the exact opposite view especially with gen x and below.

Tommy Robinson is an older millennial so his life was greatly influenced by the transparency of how stupid the Iraq war was (most millennials have this opinion,) the war in Afghanistan, the idiocy of the Blair/Bush administrations in the US and UK, numerous terrorist attacks and the idiotic reactions to them. Because the system preys on working class boys/men. They're so transparent about it in British Army ad campaigns too. They tried to mix it up in recent years by including other groups they see as dispensable like gamers lol.



While you make pretty speeches
I'm being cut to shreds
You feed me to the lions
A delicate balance
And this just feels like spinning plates
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land
And this just feels like spinning plates
My body is floating down the muddy river

Talk Talk by A Perfect Circle feels somewhat similar in sentiment.

You're waiting
On miracles
We're bleeding out
Thoughts
And prayers
Adorable (Crisis)
Like cake in a crisis
We're bleeding out

Especially this song (and really lots of System of a Down's songs. Very political band):



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1OqtIqzScI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tkm_sXA7EA

The cultural backlash and attempt to process all this stuff was enormous. When people point to subcultures for my generation they point to emo (they can't stop criticising non-binary people who they view as a youth subculture by comparing them to the 'millennial emos' newsflash for them. It's actually kind of funny because I barely knew any other alternative people when I was young but anyway.) The largest band people point to is probably My Chemical Romance the band literally formed because of 9/11. Like the singer was in NYC, saw it, and decided to form a band immediately.

And it didn't really start there with 9/11 it did for the Americans. In the 90s you had the British government vs the IRA. You know they were fighting in the capital on the day I was born. And then that also had a huge impact on the culture:



(I like the documentary Hypernormalisation for framing this since the 1970s. That wasn't exactly the central focus of the documentary though. Kind of a breakdown here)

So yeah he has some stupid opinions on a myriad of cultural issues but he's not part of the elite and he's a millennial so. Shouldn't be surprising lol.

Also this:

Very dangerous for the left to claim that Tommy Robinson in this video is left wing as a way to gotcha Labour. Fascism is syncretic, so yes it tries to appropriate where it can to redirect towards racialised targets, but there is nothing left wing about this video.

[Otherside]

It's not that he's more left wing it's that the further right you go the less likely people are to share the neo-con foreign policy worldview. That's why that part of the right spend most of their time ranting about 'globalists' (or Jewish people depending on specific subtype of ideology.) Some of the most nationalistic people you'll meet are from working class towns. They require this mentality in this group so they can make them die for their country. However you'll also find people with the exact opposite view especially with gen x and below.

Tommy Robinson is an older millennial so his life was greatly influenced by the transparency of how stupid the Iraq war was (most millennials have this opinion,) the war in Afghanistan, the idiocy of the Blair/Bush administrations in the US and UK, numerous terrorist attacks and the idiotic reactions to them. Because the system preys on working class boys/men. They're so transparent about it in British Army ad campaigns too. They tried to mix it up in recent years by including other groups they see as dispensable like gamers lol.



While you make pretty speeches
I'm being cut to shreds
You feed me to the lions
A delicate balance
And this just feels like spinning plates
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land
And this just feels like spinning plates
My body is floating down the muddy river

Talk Talk by A Perfect Circle feels somewhat similar in sentiment.

You're waiting
On miracles
We're bleeding out
Thoughts
And prayers
Adorable (Crisis)
Like cake in a crisis
We're bleeding out

Especially this song (and really lots of System of a Down's songs. Very political band):



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1OqtIqzScI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tkm_sXA7EA

The cultural backlash and attempt to process all this stuff was enormous. When people point to subcultures for my generation they point to emo (they can't stop criticising non-binary people who they view as a youth subculture by comparing them to the 'millennial emos' newsflash for them. It's actually kind of funny because I barely knew any other alternative people when I was young but anyway.) The largest band people point to is probably My Chemical Romance the band literally formed because of 9/11. Like the singer was in NYC, saw it, and decided to form a band immediately.

And it didn't really start there with 9/11 it did for the Americans. In the 90s you had the British government vs the IRA. You know they were fighting in the capital on the day I was born. And then that also had a huge impact on the culture:



(I like the documentary Hypernormalisation for framing this since the 1970s. That wasn't exactly the central focus of the documentary though. Kind of a breakdown here)

So yeah he has some stupid opinions on a myriad of cultural issues but he's not part of the elite and he's a millennial so. Shouldn't be surprising lol.

Also this:

OMG I genuinely hate this attitude from some people on the Internet, the "So and so is more leftwing than Keir Starmer" or "Labour is Tory Lite or Red Labour". Like your preferred candidate was unelectable. Look at how things are in the polls for Labour right now, and how they were back in 2019.

Sure, Iraq was a shitshow that we should never have gone into, [BEEP] Blair for that but like...do these people not realize who Corbyn (and that part of the Labour party) are tied in with? The fact that they support "Stop The War", which seems to constantly be posting Russian apologism. A group that has told us all that in a conflict between Russia and Ukraine we should back Russia, denied the Yazidi genocide was happening and dismissed it as a NATO plot (now suspiciously back-tracked on that and deleted thay article), and that doesn't seem to get that one of the biggest warmongers in Syria right now is Assad, backed by the Russians who have taken to levelling the country.

Sorry, I hijacked that, but honestly, I don't get those people, it's 2023 now and exactly how can you look at the state of things right now and think that the worst thing possible is Keir Starmer as prime minister, so you endorse the far right? But then again, the far right and the far left seem to be very, very similar at times, so perhaps it isn't surprising.

[Nyctophilia]

@Otherside

I'd agree that Keir Starmer isn't really significantly left wing. And I'm not really a fan of him tbh, but I thought it was silly to say Tommy Robinson is left wing or to make that general comparison as he is definitely on the right ideologically speaking lol.

I don't necessarily agree with any group/person on everything and think some people are naively one sided in terms of "West bad. Everyone else good." Assuming other countries have no ambition/desire for power and everything can be framed this way. I also don't agree with the pro-Russia left (like Caleb Maupin and Peter Coffin,) on this.

Then, most media outlets, organisations, political groups etc lie about different things or become victim to misinformation/conspiracy theories and engage in smear campaigns, omit certain information for convenience towards a certain narrative, and certain individuals will have specific opinions that might differ from the stated group stance etc (eg: The Guardian platforms anti-trans rhetoric and voices, had removed part of an interview with Judith Butler discussing how anti-trans activists ally with the far right. They gave an explanation about this involving something about the question not meeting editorial standards that I felt was unsatisfactory in explaining why their entire answer was removed, but The Guardian is broadly supportive towards other minority groups, and also posts pro-trans or more neutral articles. There's also huge disagreement between the US vs UK branch with the US being more pro trans to the point where they wrote about that lol,) so you often just kind of have to go along with your values and hope for the best. The internet makes the whole matter of misinfo/propaganda so much worse and it's impossible to navigate really.

Personally I'm not a fan of Russia or NATO. I see them both as imperialist organisations that often involve smaller nations (such as Ukraine,) in their proxy war aggression. As with all imperialists there's always a focus on expansion, legacy, self image clouding judgment.

I think Stop the War are probably more critical of the West for the reasons mentioned below (essentially opposing nationalist/jingoistic sentiment is an important thing for them):

we can make a difference to what Britain does, we can make a difference to what our allies do to a certain extent and we have done. "But, if we have a protest outside the Russian embassy, it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference as to what Putin does because we are in Britain and we are in the West [and] a protest outside the Russian embassy would actually contribute to increasing the hysteria and the jingoism that is being whipped up at the moment against Russia... anyone who has a responsibility for peace or the future of the planet quite frankly needs to mobilise against that, and that means opposing the west."

Homepage seems pretty clear on their stance on the Ukraine war:

STOP THE WAR IN UKRAINE - RUSSIAN TROOPS OUT NO NATO EXPANSION - NO NUCLEAR WAR

I don't think this viewpoint from Corbyn is radical:

https://jacobin.com/2022/03/jeremy-c...peace-stop-war

We have to apply political pressure on Russia and support the public pressure that’s there in Russia to end this war and to withdraw the Russian forces. And we should go back to the original agreements relating to Ukraine that were made in the Budapest and the later Minsk agreement, which was designed to bring about a long-term ceasefire. All wars end with a political solution. All wars end with dialogue. Why don’t we cut out the fighting zone and go straight into the talking zone?

It’s very easy for a politician in any parliament in the West to get up and say, “Go to war, go to war, go to war.” It’s always easy to vote for somebody else’s children to go to war and die. When a war takes place, there’s always a desire by the opposing sides to make sure it’s only their line and their story that gets out. And so, it’s truth that’s the first casualty in the fog of war.

Often, those that dissent at a time of a perception of complete unity sometimes seem to be the prescient voices for the future. So being a bit unpopular once or twice is no bad thing. I’ve often asked this question about whether anybody wins a war or not. A war is fought, land is gained and land is lost. A war ends. The media caravan moves on to somewhere else. But as for the person that’s lost a son or a daughter in that war forever more — they’re going to be thinking on their birthdays what they could have done, what they would have achieved, where they would have been, what they’d be doing now. The hurt goes on and on through their lives.

Nobody actually ever wins a war. Even having a war is a defeat for all of us. And so the question is how to halt the wars as quickly as possible and move on to a process of peace, understanding, and recognition. The worst-case scenario in the current conflict in Ukraine is a complete occupation, huge loss of life, and then the outbreak of resistance of a civil war, which could go on for a very long time.

I would expect Corbyn to make suggestions that lean more towards neutrality in regards to the UK's actions just based on his history regarding this topic. He pretty much only endorses military response as a last resort. Also mostly focussed on de-escalation. To use a fictional comparison it's a lot like this (which people often view negatively as a weak stance):



Only there are no dragons only Humans and so that means you can hypothetically reason/use psychology.

But yeah if people go against that or use lies to argue their point/agenda, it wouldn't surprise me for the reasons I mentioned. Especially true now - political groups are heterogenous and more concerned with tribalist labels than the content of their beliefs and often very polarised on any particular issue. That's why right/left have become largely incoherent labels at least outside general economic policy.

I voted labour in 2019 and doubt I will do so in the next general election. Previously I had voted for the Green Party. I doubt there's a group I would agree with entirely tbh.

In cases of ongoing civil war one tactic that seems potentially useful in stopping war/violence is what happened in the Liberian civil war. However I think it is much easier to do this in a chaotic environment (or on a localised scale,) then in an imperialist regime. Within imperialist regimes women more likely conform to the rules of conduct which are hypermasculine so you get figures like Margaret Thatcher or Katie Hopkins, and the sex or gender identity of people is irrelevant when it comes to this. I say this because many people look at this and think 'yes we'll get women' but no that's not the important part/message:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_...tion_for_Peace

Two hundred women surrounded the room, dressed in white, dominating the conversation. Any time the negotiators tried to leave, the women threatened to take off all of their clothes. Enclosed in the room with the women, the men would try to jump out of the windows to escape their talk. But the women persisted, staging a sit in outside of the Presidential Palace. They blocked all the doors and windows and prevented anyone from leaving the peace talks without a resolution.

The women of Liberia became a political force against violence and against their government. Their actions brought about an agreement during the stalled peace talks. As a result, the women were able to achieve peace in Liberia after a 14-year civil war and later helped bring to power the country's first female head of state, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.[7] When President Ellen Sirleaf first came into office, she made women's rights one of her priorities. Her administration focused on the condition of women in Liberia and their needs.[8]

Perhaps this also touches on Adam Curtis' criticism of Stop the War and similar groups slogans here:

When you have an alternative you can see suddenly something, it puts it in perspective. You've got an alternative. You see things truly for what they are, and you can pull back, detach and go, "I don't like that - this is better," or you don't. At the moment there isn't, and I think one of the great faults lies with the left, who say they do want change.

I mean, the real change at the moment is coming from a strange, weird mixture of right-wing nationalism and racism, as far as I can see. Whereas the left are failing to offer any alternative. It feels more and more like rhetoric. I mean, I point out in the film how strange it is, that in the recent years, all the attempts to change the world radically which had a great deal of force behind them - the Occupy movement, the Arab Spring, and Tahir Square in particular in Egypt, Syriza in Europe all have stalled.

They had great power behind them, they had great good will behind them, and they stalled. And I argue in the film it's because they confused process with content. They assembled, they were very powerful, they had a great slogan behind them in the Occupy movement, great deal of emotional good from people who would not normally support revolutionary movements, and they just stopped!

Do you remember the march against the war in Iraq, in London in 2003? Probably the biggest protest march since the Suez thing in 1956, or even bigger. And everyone thought, "that's going to change everything," and they had a slogan which was "not in my name." I thought it was an interesting slogan of it's time. 3 million people marched and they were totally sincere about it "not in my name" and they then went home. You go back and the war is "not in my name."

Whereas real change, real political change, would have happened if those 3 million people had again, and again, and again, marched, and again, and worked and given themselves to that, they might well have had a chance of stopping the horror that has now happened in Iraq. Protest becomes feeling.

[Nyctophilia]

I find it a little difficult to listen to Linkin Park now (at least some of their music,) which is interesting because I don't have the same thoughts about Nirvana (though both lead singers committed suicide.) I do find Kurt Cobain to be quite a relatable (it's the anger mostly,) and interesting figure in many ways too, and was never really interested in Chester Bennington as an individual I just liked his/Linkin Park's music. Like he as an individual he wasn't an idol for me or someone I had a strong parasocial bond with.

So why has that impacted things? Maybe it's reflecting some bleakness that I don't get from Nirvana, Something about the culture post 2000 and something about my own emotions regarding the past/that period too. And I listened to both at the same time but Linkin Park was 'of my generation' as a 2000s band, and Nirvana weren't. Also obviously Kurt Cobain was already dead when I discovered Nirvana's music. There are some bands I can listen to nostalgically and others I've moved on from or have different emotional reactions to even if I liked them at the time. Some of their music was pretty good though.



I feel like the topic of sexual and physical violence deeply effected both of them (either for personal reasons, or witnessing stuff,) but their response/reaction to that was actually very different. Like Kurt Cobain wore his emotions/opinions on his sleeves more and was very aggressive about his dislike of this and hegemonic masculinity in general:

Bennington was a victim of sexual abuse from an older male friend when he was seven years old. He was afraid to ask for help because he did not want people to think he was gay or lying, and the abuse continued until he was 13 years old.

There's a lot of pain and vulnerability that comes through Linkin Park's music. Radiohead is also difficult to listen to for emotional reasons (even moreso really.)

[Otherside]

@Nyctophilia Yeah, he's slightly left of centre, I'd say. Which is electable, which is what is needed.

I think at this point, we can say "pressure to end war" or "pressure for peace deal", but the realty is, that this war isn't going to end. Its alarming to see "push for peace", in a way that generally is a suggestion that Ukraine should cede land to Russia (Crimea and the Donbas). The Ukrainians have decided they are not willing to do that. I always think, imagine that was here, and there was the suggestions that the UK was the one being invaded, and it was then suggested we should cede Cornwall and Kent, against the wishes of the Cornish and the Kentish.

I don't think Ukraine is a NATO proxy war. This is Russia being unable to cope with the fact that its empire ended. Since 1991 they've been doing this, and now here we are. I think there is a very good reason why Ukraine, Georgia and Moldova have issues, but NATO Estonia, Latvia and Lithuanaia have managed to avoid it. Its right to criticise NATO at times, but it does work well as a deterrent.

I think when it comes to NATO expansion - countries join it willingly. Its a military alliance, not an Empire. And there is a very good reason why Eastern Europeans has decide to join, that countries in Western Europe don't have to worry about (like the Swiss, Austrians and Irish who stay neutral). I think had Ukraine been granted NATO membership back in 2008, we wouldn't have a war in Europe, it would have been like Estonia.

[Nyctophilia]

Regarding my previous post I don't know why but YouTube just started suggesting me a bunch of videos of bands with members who have died early lol... Like I was suggested some Linkin Park tracks which inspired this post, then this music video I listened to in my early 20s:





One of the two singers (the one with dark hair,) died on stage in Poland years ago. I found myself avoidant of listening to their music after that even though I was never a huge fan per se, just liked a bunch of their tracks I'd discovered. I suppose their aesthetic/image was similar to male t.A.T.u. This "we're in a relationship for the music/band story but not actually gay" is not a style that is particularly endorsed in the West lol. In spite of that Drab Majesty are doing that with gender (that's a bit more tolerable to critics than sexuality but only marginally. Oh and they're not that famous so it's fine. You can't get away with ambiguity at Harry Style's level of fame. To be clear - I don't care because I'm not interested in policing creativity etc or 'what counts as [BEEP]?' Obviously, being on the border myself and associated with subcultures that are.)

Drab Majesty's Deb Demure Wants to Whisk You Off to an Icy Dreamland Where Gender Doesn't Matter

I knew right away what I wanted Deb to be. My grandmother is very much a reference for Deb’s world. A lot of the clothes are actually my grandmother’s. I got them after she passed away. Her home was definitely a big stylistic contributor as well, as far as textures and color palettes and things like that. She lived in a really old midcentury modern home in the foothills of Beverly Hills. It’s this old, dying part of L.A. that you’ll never see unless you’re second-generation like myself or up with some weird, high-society old-money shit.

Oh, absolutely. The face and the tension between the masculine and feminine in a sloppy, gender-fuck kind of way, comes from just riding the bus in Los Angeles. There was a period of time in the early 2000s when I was only riding the bus, and there was an absolutely distinguishable network of transgender, transsexual transients on the bus. I'd see a lot of these recurring characters and many of them spoke to the old Hollywood, this flickering flame that hadn't completely burned out.

Your persona, as Deb, is one such symbol. How have people reacted to your choice in gender, which appears to be female.

Deb DeMure: For me, it's not female. It's no human. No human trace. That's why we white our faces out. We wear sunglasses. There's no connection to eyes. For me, it's about losing identity entirely, not necessarily gender identity. I understand why people think that, however.

Mona D: The name sounds feminine, but it's not. There's an explanation behind the name, Deb. Actually, there's an explanation for both of us.

These last two quotes conflict somewhat but ultimately I think what they're doing reminds me more of voidpunk anyway but in a more neutral way:

Voidpunk is a subculture for those who often feel rejected or disconnected from humanity. This is popular within aro-spec and ace-spec communities but also includes groups such as neurodivergent people, disabled people, non-binary people, POC, and other groups that are frequently dehumanized or called 'subhuman' by society. Voidpunk is based on embracing the idea of being 'not human'. While many of these marginalized groups seek to prove their humanity to their oppressors, voidpunk aims to, instead of claiming humanity, instead, recognizes that these oppressors are bigoted and taunts them by saying "Maybe I am not human by society's standards. What about it?" Voidpunk rejects to define humanity, as every attempt at a definition will inevitably be wrong.

There's some interesting aesthetic stuff linked on that subreddit too with regards to clothing etc like people wearing mirrors, and some long robe that covered the whole body that was sort of iridescent. Also entirely a coincidence but they do have a song called Noise of the Void haha. And I really want to link the video right but it has some nudity in which is obvious (and not sure if I can,) but it actually is by the sea and reminds me so much of this (which has another upload that was also age restricted I noticed while trying to embed it. I cannot):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlJHqHf1YKU

And also that second Adams music video is similar too a bit lol. I like this imagery a lot tbh. It goes back to this when I was a teen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CppK9ZfE-cI

But also obviously my childhood obsession with the sea.

This is an amazing music video, There was this Japanese music video too. I'm just linking sea/cliff based music videos now lol. Such a good song though. It is the primary selling point of an island country though no? It sure ain't the rain here I tell you that.

So you don't want people to focus on whether you're a man or a woman because it's not important.
No, it's really not. It's like listening to a sculpture recite a song, or something like that. Even if the sculpture is a man or a woman, it's still inanimate.

I think they were inspired by sculpture a lot and that really comes across. This image reminds me of art I've seen on tumblr with like Greco-Roman statures and bright blue neon lights. I mean it's all from a similar time period in the early to mid 2010s.

Deb DeMure: I've always had an interest in stoicism. The Greco-Roman statue thing has multiple facets. I come from a fine art background. I went to school for sculpture. But going to Hearst Castle as a kid got me into this space, of appreciating sculpture and Greco-Roman sculpture. Going there as a kid I thought they were people frozen in time. That their souls were inside. I didn't understand they were reproductions. The aura of these art objects having a soul was pretty profound to me. The same with the buildings and structures.

So it's almost animistic as well.

Also didn't realise until recently that Drag Majesty had connections to Emma Ruth Rundle lol (Andrew Clinco was also in Marriages.) Interesting. I like a couple of her songs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA5_mP5pvp0

[Otherside]

Screenshot_20230113-175130_Firefox.jpg

Whoever did this has never been to Harrow or Tower Hamlets.

[Nyctophilia]

@Nyctophilia Yeah, he's slightly left of centre, I'd say. Which is electable, which is what is needed.

I think at this point, we can say "pressure to end war" or "pressure for peace deal", but the realty is, that this war isn't going to end. Its alarming to see "push for peace", in a way that generally is a suggestion that Ukraine should cede land to Russia (Crimea and the Donbas). The Ukrainians have decided they are not willing to do that. I always think, imagine that was here, and there was the suggestions that the UK was the one being invaded, and it was then suggested we should cede Cornwall and Kent, against the wishes of the Cornish and the Kentish.

I don't think Ukraine is a NATO proxy war. This is Russia being unable to cope with the fact that its empire ended. Since 1991 they've been doing this, and now here we are. I think there is a very good reason why Ukraine, Georgia and Moldova have issues, but NATO Estonia, Latvia and Lithuanaia have managed to avoid it. Its right to criticise NATO at times, but it does work well as a deterrent.

I think when it comes to NATO expansion - countries join it willingly. Its a military alliance, not an Empire. And there is a very good reason why Eastern Europeans has decide to join, that countries in Western Europe don't have to worry about (like the Swiss, Austrians and Irish who stay neutral). I think had Ukraine been granted NATO membership back in 2008, we wouldn't have a war in Europe, it would have been like Estonia.

There's no completely positive outcome to this imo but constant escalation isn't an option so sooner or later someone will yield something. I won't say 'lose' because everyone always loses in war.

I'd imagine a lot of smaller countries would want to join NATO because they're worried about their own defence against superpowers like Russia and think they have to join with something larger so they pick whichever makes the most sense to them culturally/politically having little choice in the matter. But NATO was created by the West in opposition to the Soviet Union, so it's never really been a neutral defence force and that legacy continued with Russia. I think Putin's motivation is at least partly to 'send a message to NATO.' I'm sure it bothers him that most of Europe is US-aligned.

In terms of empires you have the Western/US empire, Russia, and China. They mostly don't view themselves that way.

But yeah the whole thing massively depresses me and these days I also have a lot of dread/anxiety issues related to this, so I tend to avoid thinking/talking about it mostly because it's a bit futile from my perspective.


Also London seems like a polarising city. I know a lot of people who really don't like it. I like it but I've only been to a very limited range of places globally and it's interesting as a big city (and I'm usually doing fun stuff while there.) I think Paris has similar effects on people though where they build it up a lot in their head and then get disappointed. There's even something called 'Paris syndrome' lol:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_syndrome

I feel like London has a lot of competition though city wise. I'm surprised it's number one. My dad definitely preferred Singapore lol. He kept talking about how clean it was.

[Nyctophilia]

Apparently IAMX aren't coming to the UK again on their next European tour. Probably for economic reasons (they live in the US now making things more expensive in general.) Huge bummer though. I have seen them live a few times before in person (also watched some live concerts online but that's not the same,) but the last concert I bought tickets for was cancelled due to covid and they didn't come here on their previous tour before that one. For me the only selling point to being stuck here due to my [BEEP] mental health etc is that London is a destination most bands hit while on tour and I can get there and back without staying in a hotel. But I had this issue with some Japanese bands too years ago. I think at this point the most reliable place to be to see bands/musicians would be somewhere near Paris probably. Don't think that tends to get missed.

London came out as the top destination for music lovers worldwide. Boasting 207 music venues, eight major music festivals and 5,088 upcoming concerts this season alone, London is most definitely calling you to let it all out on the dance floor.

😑 If you insist. But my needs are excessive. I will never be satisfied until I have teleportation to all the concerts. Inject that [BEEP] into my veins. Also I mostly exorcised FOMO from my brain due to accepting that I'm too crazy to have a life but this still gets to me. Especially that one tour where they had mental health event on the tour after the show but either they didn't come here that tour or they didn't have one of those events here. But I'm so mentally ill guys. 😭🤣 (I mean I would have been too anxious probably to be comfortable with that I dunno what it involved.) I think they might have low-key started a cult but I'm at the point in my life where I'm like 'that might actually be an improvement anyway.'

And when I ended up talking about my anxiety issues unprepared with the walk in centre doctor after they noticed my insane heart rate because I went there due to some mysterious pain a few months ago (didn't notice anything weird on ecg,) he suggested I go and get cbt again. This time for generalised anxiety, which didn't work the first time for social phobia. And I wasn't even discussing all my other issues because I wasn't expecting that conversation at that point in time. He meant well though and was really nice (I was expecting people there to be grumpy like my last experience at a walk in centre a decade before,) but I feel like there's a huge gaping hole where you just don't see a psychologist/get a diagnoses/get examined properly considering everything. I had issues trying to discuss my motivation issues with my social phobia cbt therapist she changed the topic. Because really I need to be tested for ADHD/autism too, possibly other things I haven't personally considered because my issues go far beyond just anxiety. Then again I'm fairly sure there's no support for these things when diagnosed as an adult.

[Otherside]

@Nyctophilia Yeah, depressing times. Twenties have been a bit [BEEP] so far.

London is polarising. Most part I like it, shame its just so unaffordable these days and noone can really afford to live there. Rental market is crazy these days as well, people having to prepay a year in advance on a flat.

Harrow however, is a shithole. Everyone associates it with the public school, but outside of that bit. I know people that moved there and I'm just like, why....

I'm going through the ASD but there is like a multi-year waitlist in my area, considering going private, GP has given a list of "heres some people have found helpful." I've heard some people have managed to get seen quicker with NHS funding on Right to Choice though?

Seems very difficult to see a psych referral actually accepted these days by NHS.

[Nyctophilia]

@Otherside

Yeah I can't imagine living in London. It's just way too insane price wise. Now and then my friend will send me links to property pages online and I don't remember the exact prices now but I found it very amusing/crazy/disturbing that you could buy a castle in Scotland for at least 1/30th of the price of a fancy London apartment with multiple bedrooms. That castle was reasonably priced too for a castle (I think it was several hundred thousand pounds?) Still way too expensive for me but if you had money that would be something to go for. But then the heating etc would cost tons. And there has to be some catch. It's haunted or something.

Yeah I think I heard about that but I haven't looked into it really. I have a feeling things aren't great in my area. I know someone I was watching on YouTube said they went private to get an ADHD diagnoses but then was struggling with the NHS because apparently they won't accept private diagnoses for treatment so they'll have to diagnose you anyway.

I think this YouTuber got an ADHD diagnoses through right to choice (not the person I mentioned who went private):



edit: he goes into in this video how hard it is to get meds prescribed here and it's so true lol. The two times I've gone I've been told that my anxiety issues didn't seem severe enough to warrant meds, or that since I didn't have comorbid depression (I don't think anyway,) it probably wouldn't be worth trying. Not sure I wanted to try meds anyway for anxiety. I've read too many negative things, but I just found the argument about severity hilarious given I've rarely left the house in years lol. How bad does it have to get lol. But I'm not sure I made that clear with this guy the last I went tbf. I wasn't prepared to talk about it and I don't like talking about these things irl. There were some details I brought up that should have clued him in though.

I have a massive mental block with having to fight over this, and then I hate using the phone and avoid that so even making appointments is hard for me (that's why I went to the walk in centre before instead of through my GP clinic. I'm very weird like that. Phones make me anxious and then the more steps that get added to a task the worse it is.) I used to be able to book appointments online but then they stopped that, recently I signed up for the NHS app thinking I could book appointments that way but it seemed I couldn't. Looks like they've added an online booking system to my GP clinic website but it seems I have to sign up for yet another thing. I also don't have a phone that works with apps which makes things like this more difficult.

Ultimately I feel like there's a low chance of me getting any diagnoses despite how dysfunctional I am. I don't feel like I meet all the stereotypical criteria for either disorder though I have lots of symptoms re motivation/attention/focus issues. Find it really hard to start things and then if someone interrupts or I stop/lose focus I probably won't get back to what I'm doing for ages. Emotional dysregulation/anger at times, some sensory issues and special interests, don't like change to my routine, and apparently non-binary/genderqueer people are 3-6 times more likely to be autistic or have those traits. But I know they need evidence from childhood but I wasn't an extreme troublemaker so I don't think most people including my parents paid that much attention. My brother got a lot more attention for being quite disruptive and loud and was diagnosed with dyslexia (tbh though I think he fits the stereotype of classic ADHD even more than me and never got a diagnoses.) I vaguely remember getting hearing tests etc done in infant school but they didn't even bother to tell my parents I was diagnosed with selective mutism lol... They just included it on my brother's psychological report when we were kids (and I received no support/help for that.) So yeah not much faith of any adults who knew me having paid attention.

I know my dad talked to someone that suggest I go private to get an autism diagnoses a few years ago though but I wasn't there and don't really get what her job even was. She worked in a caf? on the Isle of Wight but seemed to be some kind of therapist? It sounded confusing. One of her patients came in and she pointed out to my dad that he rarely talks to people when he acknowledged my dad's presence, then my dad started talking about me and she suggested I pursue an autism diagnoses. I forget the place but it would cost money anyway.

I watched this guys videos a bunch years ago though and he seemed to think that anxiety and internalising issues were more common in people with a superficially similar condition that's basically never diagnosed called 'sluggish cognitive tempo' or 'concentration deficit disorder' which I guess they came up with to be less insulting.

[Otherside]

I wanna live in a castle.

I've heard mixed things about whether the NHS will accept your private Dx or not. And if you need stimulants for ADHD, they're Class B drugs and on the hospital only list. Good fun trying to get a GP to prescribe that without a consultant sign-off.

It sounds bad, but I dont know if I want it on record, because I need Mental Health Team access quickly at times for depression, and I could really be done without the nightmare "well there's not much we do for autism in mental health team" Ive heard some others have had. I think I may go ahead with it and ask them not to send off the diagnosis to my GP.

You can probably get to make the appointment if you walk in? I don't know if that will help, I've just been setting up mine by NHS App since they added that at my surgery.

[Nyctophilia]

I removed this part of my other IAMX post because it ended up too long etc but I was watching one of IAMX's livestreams the other day from 3 months ago that I hadn't watched, since they uploaded a few for free and not just patreon only. Had a lot of thoughts about that and the comments lol. Though that's not really why I'm making this post. I think he comes across quite differently and his energy is definitely different from his music on regular video (and I noticed that years ago in interviews.) But the difference is perhaps a bit more obvious now and people maybe pick up on that subconsciously?

I just think what they've chosen to focus on (complaining about the chaos/sexual/hedonistic stuff in the video,) is a bit weird. I mean yes there's a lot of existential/philosophical stuff but it's always been a very sexual project. One person was surprised to hear that it was BDSM-adj when that's always been very obvious to me, especially with the earlier albums but even later there's a bunch of tracks and/or music videos that are very sexual. One recent video is essentially softcore porn but OK lol you missed that. I think what confused me the most about that comment is I noticed in the livechat the person who left the comment being said IAMX was one of their favourite songwriters (and they didn't notice this element of the music!? This entire album lol!) And one of the other songwriters they mentioned (because they said IAMX was in the top 3,) was actually Steven Wilson. Which is funny because not a lot of people have heard of one or the other and I'm also a fan of both and they're not really that similar musically.)

Then a lot of people were annoyed that they were kind of 'prostituting' themselves etc and felt it was narcissistic. A lot of people are very uncomfortable with sex which they see as transcendental being economically monetised and really they have this with other creative pursuits but sadly that's capitalism and capitalist realism in the sense of 'is an alternative even possible? We don't have one.' I also think people don't want to see that much of others. They want mystery etc.

Going back to the energy thing though I mean so Janine is kind of there to balance things out really. He doesn't come across as interested in talking to people as much and she's the one who is mostly giving him questions etc, address his behaviour, make jokes about him being an asshole. As she said in some other video, he's not selling himself at all lol but I think that's sort of the point. But then this kind of goes along with him blatantly referencing the voyeurism of the audience at points like 'pay me $20 and come to [their location] if you want to suck on my tits.' (Which, I doubt he'd hold to haha.) Then at another point where Janine kind of says she feels very possessive over his dick and tells him not to show it off (he's wearing tights not like naked lol,) and he's like 'but it sells. And they're our community they should have access to whatever they want.' Lol.. At various points he's just putting on makeup in front of the camera. Which I think is why some people commented like 'this is what Narcissus looked like before falling into the water' contrasted with someone else saying 'I love watching you put on makeup my sister did this to me as a kid' (which is oddly specific but IAMX did mention once that inspiring him as well,) so that contrast is interesting too.

To me what's most interesting is he's said that he uses his music to express himself (he said that in response to someone asking about [BEEP] and gender themes in his music and his own identity,) but his energy in music videos is very gentle and sometimes submissive? But then you get like an edge and forceful vibe alongside that I guess. Like this. and this. And these are the personality traits I used to build a parasocial relationship not with him (parasocial relationships are never actually built with someone though that's the point, it's always a projection.) But yes in interviews and moreso the livestreams it is somewhat the opposite at least at times I dunno maybe just different. I think this is also because of how he interacts with the people around him or maybe more vice versa as well. Less so Janine because her energy is a bit stronger. Then, for whatever reason there was someone in the chat who kept bringing up pegging I noticed. And then when Janine called IAMX an asshole and like 'you get it though he's an asshole?' They said something like 'he's just trying to get pegged' these comments weren't addressed at any point unfortunately (although a lot of sexual comments were so it wasn't that.) I found that so interesting (granted she kept bringing it up,) but she chose that point to bring it up. He does kind of have bratty energy though. A bit.

I think someone also asked what the song 'you stick it in me' meant which I don't think got answered. They read the question and then were like 'it's whatever you want it to mean.' Basically. 🤣 But it must be exhausting having such a diverse audience who are looking for often completely contradictory things. 'Validate my version of you.' You have people who want to headcannon the music/Chris as queer, bisexual, genderfluid, bdsm, submissive, dominant, artsy, philosophical, therapeutic (mental health stuff,) 'existential,' poetic. Very schizophrenic.

It's interesting because my own sexuality is very effected by perceived power and gender dynamics so I'm quite sensitive to this. This causes a lot of issues because it's treated as very political. I'm not even going to say in the current time, it has been since the sexual revolution. But with social media it's everywhere these days.... That's why people write papers like the one about nisu subculture in China I discovered days ago. I don't think on a deep level the the motivation behind what they're doing is ideological but it has to be cast in the play/game. (To some extent all sexuality is politicised though but yeah.)

And as I'm very open online this has attracted a variety of strange responses from men (and I probably spend a lot of time processing these interactions and other's interactions with each other because I'm neurodiverse but yeah.) From people trying to change their sexuality to suit what I've written in posts in an attempt to appeal to me then couldn't take no for an answer (not good) to (more not good lol,) someone who always seemed very defensive in response to me and took great issues with the fact that I was non-binary too. I think because at some point he'd felt shamed for his own sexuality. We got into a bunch of fights. So yeah I think on some level that's why I have such idiosyncratic interests/I'm very selective because I'm not interested in having a power struggle. I've been told my sexuality is abusive by multiple men (not men I've been in a relationship with, I've never really had the opportunity to express anything I fantasise about in reality.) It's difficult. You have to find the right sexual target. (All of this is reflected in that paper about 'nisu subculture' which is why I found that so interesting. Because it transcends geographic culture. The censorship doesn't though.)

If you don't have the right personality traits it's also easier to just engage in fantasy. That's what men are doing en masse now evidently (I doubt it's so many as people complain about, it's just more visible now.) I think there's a strange tendency to politically see women's fantasies as being liberatory or contributing to women's rights and men's fantasies as being dissociative and evil. Although as a non-binary person who is read as a woman I haven't internalised that 'yas girl boss reading 50 shades on the underground' sort of thing. Nor is that how other's (especially men,) perceive my fantasies lol. It's seen as very low status by most, and then some people view it as a threat. And the funniest part is how academics can't decide if a lot of related stuff is 'female or male gaze.'



It's simply just 'genderfluid feminine person :3' more or less, but sometimes I don't really care about the other perception and play with that. 'Yes I'm a demonic agent of Satan sent here to emasculate all of the west with my leet photoshop skillz. The nisu folks are going to emasculate China, and we will form a global empire with the femboys.' (and there are people on social media that believe that lol.) Because I'm contrarian and like feeling powerful. I think a lot of people do.

'Mainstream fans also extremely repelled nisu fans in disgust, believing that their behavior is sexual harassment and a personal insult to celebrities. In March 2020, the famous "227" incident broke out on the Chinese Internet [4]. Archive of Our Own (AO3), which is an international fan community, was reported by a celebrity's fans because of a fan fiction involving genderswap elements produced by a CP fan. As a result, AO3 was blocked by the Chinese Internet,' which also affected other subcultural communities. The essence of the 227 incident is the conflict between wei fans and CP fans, as well as the collective sanction of the mainstream fans to the minority nisu fans.

💅 keep coping.

That's why it's often rhetorically weak. I mean it works to create a moral panic, and it's terrible re relationships/personal stuff, but politically you've elevated your opponent above you. 'All the rumours are true, if you believe I do that.' - Lizzo. Then there was the #they/them army Thanks for the idea (👍 ) see now that's a way of portraying your enemies as weak but it still doesn't really work. I'm not feeling it you know lol. Like 'they're weak but they're capable of destroying us via their weakness' paradoxical. You're describing [BEEP] people like vampires.

Also ignoring as the substack post says that many Eastern conservatives view 'queerness' as an aggressive cultural threat from the West - again not a weakness - that they're running away from and emphasise Christianity and Islam in some cases in opposition to what they see as Pagan/Satanic queerness. And that's also very historically and culturally ironic. I won't attribute this cultural process entirely to them. The Greeks/Romans castrated many of the androgynous Mesopotamian and other 'near Eastern' deities that influenced their own such as Aphrodite and Cybele and Agdistis. And that's before Christianity took off. Aphrodite (inspired by Inanna/Ishtar,) is more subtle because it's later on and fully Greek, but Agdistis entire story is just: 'was an androgynous God, other's deemed that representing chaotic nature/a threat so castrated him. This then led to the birth of Attis (also incest if you take it literally because of course lol,) who Agdistis fell in love with due to their castration, but his foster parents wanted him to marry the daughter of a king which she agreed to but when she showed up at the wedding night she drove all the guests mad and caused Attis and the king to castrate themselves and the bride to cut off her breasts. Unfortunately these stories represent part of the full picture of Human sexuality and personality so when you tried to cull a bunch of it, no it didn't work. And you should be thankful that few [BEEP] people really believe these stories (or maybe not this is kind of a game and they must find this entertaining too right?) Recently someone on twitter who is an atheist pronatalist conservative tried to point out that Christians are atheists about most of the Gods who have ever existed (a common argument,) and came to this amusing conclusion based on the responses he got:

"Today I learned from these replies that many Christians believe that Zeus, Thor, & Shiva are real, but they are evil demons sent to deceive people.

Which is an even more bizarre theology than I imagined....."

Didn't manage to kill them it turns out.

(Not even to get into the topic of anime etc even older stuff like this.) It's so ridiculous when it's painted as a Western thing. And most importantly just because you weren't paying attention doesn't mean it's new.

In contrast to all that lol feminists (especially terfs) do a better job at infantilising and emasculating afab people.

Oh god there's that meme template lol which is perfect. The one I mostly see is the trans woman one but some people have created others from the template with Russian people etc. It's like some guy reads a story about x group of people and how they want to control the world, gets excited about the sexual implications, then they just go on a date and he gets disappointed with neurotic self hate 4chan rambling lol. Anyway 'politically' speaking the best thing you can do to get the best reaction is demonstrated with Ben Shapiro's reaction to Surreal Entertainment's Ben Shapiro video (which is weird and surreal):

https://youtu.be/QQod6F-UOu8?t=508

The point where he realises actually he hasn't seen this before and has no idea wtf is going on and is just confused. Completely off script from the rationalism. *chefs kiss*

I genuinely laughed out loud at Ben?s genuine horror and confusion at that surreal entertainment video

Right it's very inspirational. I also post some surreal/creepypasta type stuff and love when people are confused/horrified by my videos but not like in a traumatised sense lol. On top of the creepy vibes of that I've realised how little of that video will make sense to him and the people responding to that comment because it references like gen z gamer memes like this Ben can be Tracer because I'm Reaper or Widowmaker.

Anyway the actual point of why I made this post is there was actually a separate point though to the video talking about social media lol since one of their images was removed from instagram for nudity so they were seeing how much they could get away with on YouTube before it'd get taken down. Then Chris has talked about that since and how he was frustrated with how hard it was to get noticed on most social media even by their actual long term fans. People just wouldn't see posts/updates. It felt pointless. And he didn't really like the idea of appealing to masses of people anyway and wanted to create something more community oriented for people who got his message. Comparing it to how say radio one might pick up on a track because they like the beat so it becomes popular but they don't get what he's saying and he felt that was meaningless. He said he's trying to create an alternative lifestyle for himself. I guess this goes back to 'the cult' thing too. Hence moving to patreon/discord/email newsletters.

So yeah I've noticed myself since I create YouTube videos that it's a very competitive environment even in something as inconsequential as a community for a specific video game. A while back there was a YouTuber who created videos critiquing other YouTubers in the community and commenting on what they should do better in order to grow their channel. I think they've deleted them now and they were larger channels (well one was large, the other I'd say medium sized at the time,) because you can imagine how offputting that would be for someone who is relatively small. For some people this isn't a job and is actually just a hobby lol.

Then I've gotten comments from people who are interested in seeing my channel grow because they like my content which is nice on some level. It's nice they care. But they were comparing me to another similar channel (I already compare myself to others sometimes and want to do that less it's not good lol,) and pointing out I shouldn't make content that differs too much from what my audience want because eventually YouTube will stop suggesting content even to my own subscribers, and that this other channel does better because they're more consistent in the topic of upload. I did already know this though I think everyone does (many YouTubers make videos addressing this and how they feel restricted.) I'd just chosen to upload occasionally stuff I know won't do well for my own satisfaction. And on one of those recent less popular videos someone commented something like 'this is like a fever dream' and I love comments like that tbh. Also comments where people tell me my videos helped them with a bad day, depression, covid (during lockdown,) etc. That's more meaningful really.

But yeah it's like everyone feeds into that. It becomes almost a team sport where you invest psychologically in channels and then try to push them to grow. I guess that's cynical sometimes they just like something and want it to be shared with more people or think you have potential. I do think there's something similar going on with bands/musicians. Especially female artists. God every one of their comments sections is like 'x female artist is better than y.' Often these musicians are like friends or trying to get along. Why would you do this? Lol. (The media does this too,) But yeah that's 'the system.' So.

Some people complained about this discussion being boring etc or 'just acting like drunk college students' but I can get a narcissistic random stream of consciousness from anything. 🤣

[Nyctophilia]

Courtney Love's voice is great but I really dislike Oasis lol. I guess it's not so much the music though as just I don't like Liam Gallagher and he is a bit whiny sounding. I say this I quite like Blink 182 lol.

I get this though because my own voice isn't really as 'rocky' as I'd want. To give an example I was listening to this a while back:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E5s-KEKO3Q

And my brother heard me listening to this, and asked if that was me singing. Then said it sounds like what I'd sound like professionally (like a better version of my voice I guess.) So he wanted to know what was going on. I actually do like Halsey's music but it's not really the voice I'd go for I think stylistically. Also I can't sing well at all so I don't really know what he was smoking lol since she's a talented singer. No yeah I just went and casually recorded an album with Nine Inch Nails. It's the craziest thing he's ever said to this day.

I love Dani Filth's range it's insane:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gavXpUTp_gE

I think this is the first track I heard by them probably their most popular track. I really like his high pitched screams (when I tried screaming I couldn't do anything high pitched I have no idea how he does that lol. I feel like I would kill my vocal chords if I tried lol):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dW6aNAZGTM

Lol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl84B7Fp8tc

Fun story time: I was pretty damn good at doing those high pitch screams, loved COF and shit. One day, while trying to push boundaries, I tore a vein in my throat, and no joke, for about some solid two minutes, I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, coughing a lot (like a lot lot) all over, bathroom sink and floor smeared all over, and now I can't even come close to doing that again. Don't want to anyway.

This. This is what would happen if I tried I know it.

As a kind of reverse the female vocalist here (I forget her name) who has a great rock voice hasn't made anything else like this lol:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfMa2lrFxhY

Reminds me of Fergie a bit. She's got a great voice for rock but rarely creates that. I like stuff where it's like 'is that the same person the whole way through?' Like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn68XnbYe7s

I'm not paying super close attention so don't know if Miley Cyrus has released a rock album yet or not:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lLJ27SccRE

He brings up Light Asylum too I was like 'that rings a bell. I've heard of them right...?' And yeah it's this band I can't remember how I stumbled on this track but I did so recently as well lol. This isn't the track he's talking about though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB4qc7y-o60

edit: that's right I was watching Russian Doll and I still need to finish that series sometime and I was like 'oh damn..' *to the YouTubes* but yeah I'm listening to Dark Allies now and that's great too.

Also yeah Brody Dalle is one of my favourite female vocalists as well. The Distillers are generally a very nostalgic band for me though because pop punk. Also they reunited and are playing Download festival but no other gigs in the UK and I don't want to go to a festival to see them.

Oh yeah and Maria Brink is great too (actually surprised he didn't mention her lol since he brought up fry screams):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GurkREc-q4I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZF5m-vmDzM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03X0B6u-AxM