Random Thought of the Day

[Ironman]

2024 has been a very rough year

[Otherside]

As entertaining as Big Brother is to watch, going on that show would be an absolute nightmare for me. Honestly, being watched by cameras 24/7, being cut off from the outside world, not having a clue about whether you are liked or disliked just sounds horrific. (and the crowd is kinda brutal if you aren't liked, think a lot of us would struggle with leaving the house to being booed and having hate signs made about you.)

This is before they add in things like not giving you your suitcase or forcing you to eat porridge daily because one of your housemates broke the "don't talk about nominations" rule. 7

Always think back to the 2020 contestants who had no clue that after they'd gone in, all hell broke loose, and they were told all of a sudden that there was a global pandemic that spread rapidly across the globe, the country was now in lockdown, borders had been shut. Must have been something to discover it all that way.

[Nyctophilia]

I don't necessarily want to block Elon (I never block anyone anyway,) but since I follow Grimes I also don't want to see this nonsense because I can't stand how he conducts his personal relationships:



I know they have kids so this is somewhat unavoidable and partly her fault for deciding to have kids with him but it's just like go the [BEEP] away all the same.


Annoying me as much as all the Christian polygynists.


Oh wait I forgot twitter changed it's blocking thing so you can still see tweets of people who block you (which I think was a dumb idea,) don't know if it works both ways though. Would defeat a large amount of the point.


Now they're still super annoying and you can't even tell them that. Great. Very freedom of speech of you.





Lol she really is. That reminds me though she recently uploaded a new song or something on YT I have to listen to...





The piano sounds very familiar to me but I can't remember the name of the track it reminds me of.

punish by ethel cain sounds like something else and i can?t place it it?s driving me insane

Yes I know it's going to really bug me. I think it might be the track that was often played in the background of British TV shows and it has vocals but I don't remember the freaking lyrics.


OK I finally found it by hunting around in a bunch of playlists I made all I could remember was that home was in the title lol (I think this is what I was thinking of anyway):





Now that I know lol I can see other's making that comparison but didn't come up when searching before whyyy.

[TOMT] [SONG] Piano Sample in Ethel Cain's Song "Punish"


Hi! I'm trying to find the source of the piano sample in Ethel Cain's new song "Punish?". I thought it was Time by Hans Zimmerman but I listened to it and I'm not sure it's an exact match. Thanks!!

It sound very similar to The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home, but not sampled.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUFJJNQGwhk

Yeah I don't think it's sampled. Not from that track anyway.


I feel like there might be something else too actually (it's still giving me this feeling lol,) but nope. Not going down this route lol. Actually I'm thinking of Time by Hans Zimmer too. Yeah it sounds a bit like both those tracks.


The part after 3:59 is good but also reminds me of something else. Oh my god brain why.


I think starting here is pretty good:





Inbred EP has some good tracks too. Probably makes more sense to listen to it before Preacher's Daughter too.








Also the screaming part on this track is great and the track is pretty good in general:





I love the intro of this too but the longer version is great as well just the intro is a really cool dark vibe:





I love the aesthetics a lot too because weirdly on a similar timeframe I was getting into 70s stuff (like the glasses) which she kind of incorporated and I like dark stuff in general.


Lyrically there's a lot of great stuff. Also I love that she explored how terrifying God is.


CH: A relationship with the church and Christianity is there throughout your work. There's also a lot of witchy and Satanic references what is your relationship with all of these?
EC: I definitely love the spookiness of it all, but for me, the real spook factor isn?t so much with Satan or the witchiness, it's very much in God. I know some of it at face value looks very culty the candles, and all that. But for me, the true terror comes in God. When you grow up in the church everyone tells you that you have to fear God. Before you love him you have to fear him. Satan to me has never been that scary, he's just the devil. God has all power, he is all-powerful. He is the overarching and looming face in the darkness. That's very much what God felt like to me growing up, the person who?s always watching and you can never get away from. And that to me was terrifying. That's where I?m at. I think Satan and all that is kind of a cheap facade if you want the real scary [BEEP] you gotta go with God.

CH: I feel like there?s a total rejection of God and specifically a Christian God in [BEEP] spaces.
EC: Whether I like it or not, God always has and always will be a huge part of my life. Whether he's being used as a comforting figure or a threat, I've always been surrounded by it. It's not really something you can walk away from. And I'd rather just sit with it than be like, "Fuck the church!" Especially in super southern Christian environments, everything is about God. I definitely have been accused of it being a gimmick, or that I?m cheapening Christianity. It?s funny talking about this in light of everything that?s happening on Twitter with Lil Nas X, but I don't feel like there's ever been a space for [BEEP] people to discuss the impact that it had on them, for better or worse. We have just as strong of an emotional connection to the church, and more often than not that connection is not positive. They say that artists should create from the heart, this is what?s in there.


omg is Ethel Cain's tumblr back. It looks like it. Her tumblr was one of the best.

tallahassee has this thing called the maglab which is a research facility in the woods outside town that houses the largest magnet in the entire world. when anything weird happens in town, everyone blames the magnet. it?s one of the things i miss most about living there, it was like living in an x-files episode. (not just because of the magnet but also because of the aliens in the woods behind the airport.)

10/10


This isn't from her tumblr I was just scrolling to find that post again lol:

At the risk of sounding stupid, what are these structures called? I never learned the word for them

PYLONS.

[Nyctophilia]

Feminists have made transwomen into their attack dogs and you all love the leash

Oh I'm going to bookmark this one it's going to come in handy all the time for myself and basically everyone on twitter 24/7.


Also this was twitter so naturally this was in response to the most bonkers discourse ever where someone was complaining about some GBT drop the L page. That was the title for no clear reason but it seemed to be mostly an anti-feminist page. Then this guy just came along like ???


That is kinda hot actually. lowkey had an impact. I'm not really a feminist though (I mean I agree with some points, ambivalent or disagree with others. Don't self id as one.)


Anyway it's been known:





*checks the comments*

"Trans women are Feminism's strongest soldiers" is probably not the own you think it is.

Yeah, but it sounds more kinky the way he said it

oomf this one is blowing up

yeah it really got all the puppygirls tripping over themselves

nothing i want more than to be leashed by lesbians tbh

mfffghh

yes!
and I do what I'm fucking told

mind if i use this line in one in my smut stories?

this feels like something you meant to publish to wattpad

Depending on how deep you are into [BEEP] culture, you either view this perfectly normally or there's no way this doesn't sound horny.

me and who

Im sure none of the quote tweets to this are horny at all

I💖THE LEASH🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

I genuinely, completely sincerely thought this was a good-natured horny ribbing before I saw the context. Frankly I'm still not 100% convinced it isn't in a very repressed kind of way

Mmhfdejbdf'''''fgvve

xD


90% of the comments are like this.

Literally like this is bars I might have to get into this puppy girl shit

Are people just saying that outside of rap now?

Freud would be so into this app

Yes he's on my resurrect to do list.

big day for everyone who conceptualises the politic solely through the psychosexual, congrats

It's the only way to stay 5% instead of 0% sane on twitter tbh. Or to have any fun.

I am suddenly very interested in this "feminism" thingy arf arf.

Personally I'm not into petplay really btw (I mean I sometimes listen to catboy audios, and the puppy girl stuff can be cute, but it's more of an occasional romantic interest thing as opposed to sexual.) I just like the femdom implications.

Yes exactly like this (this was the caption on some photo someone posted in response lol):

Lesbians are turning men into servile trans women and using their essence to gain more power

I liked this tweet I stumbled on before but again the petplay element is incidental and it's really just because it's cute and feminising military stuff:

wow gee i sure hope the enemy armor doesn't decide to advance through my sector ▼⁠・⁠ᴥ⁠・⁠▼

Lol me when I first discovered this circle of twitter a few months ago:

ignore the m4 mag while i'm holding an airshit G3, the midride pouch just has a strap that makes my [BEEP] look good

[cute photo]

They have a very delicate look. Gets me everytime.


That's not the same person actually.... [there were other accounts I am not quoting here because unecessary context] Why have I seemingly stumbled upon an entire twitter subculture of trans women who post photos in military gear etc?

Oh I missed the patch lol 'service dog do not seperate dog from handler.'

I need to take militant-d*ke photos while holding guns :333

thats literally so puppy of you

I also have a general corruption fetish and one thing that kind of lowkey works is the idea of right wing men being tricked by progressive men who are feminine. Unfortunately they made a huge mistake with this narrative below (like everyone going with this in general,) because I'm very into feminisation related stuff so it was inevitable after that point that this would all fuse together:

me faking my political ideology to get with the cute leftist guy (i don't rly care about politics i just love God)

😬

it's a joke bruh

This reply was at the idea of there being such a thing as a "cute leftist guy," considering they're very feminine, as far as I can tell. It wasn't a comment about politics, since you just said you don't care about them.

well i prefer men who look feminine not too much but who have soft features and a lot work out actually

But also like the Curtis Yarvin thing (this weird far right guy I don't really know how I'd summarise his ideal political system honestly it's basically like some weird techno monarcy I don't particuarly want to break down my own limited understanding of 'patchwork' here lol,) which I think I posted before recently and deleted.


A long while ago when he went on Fox News. I saw people claiming he sounded like a cheerleader and such (he didn't, but that kind of needled the thread.) Then, more recently he posted this to his website where he claimed to be a massochist:

I had already given my enthusiastic endorsement--whose remaining neural tissue I compared, poetically, to "a grapefruit floating in spinal wine"--to our President, Joe Biden, for another glorious term. But this morning, reflecting on the other night's historic debate, my heart swelled. I decided to go further. Yes: I bought a lawn sign.

(I actually did this because you have to give your phone number. I made the mistake of donating to a Republican friend one year and now I am besieged by Republican spam. I can handle it, but it is wrong as a student of history to be getting only one slide of the slop. As a masochist, I can't wait to see what the Democrats have in store for me.)

It's the fucking subtitle of the entire article he's written:

"As a masochist, I can't wait to see what the Democrats have in store for me."

He views himself as a fifth column working on behalf of... Well really his agenda doesn't match most people's but I guess it's right wing and he sees himself as condescendingly helping conservatives.

Naturally, being traitors and all, these dark elves keep a low profile. But culturally, they are still totally elves and into, like, "art films" and stuff. Any attack on elves in general weakens and demoralizes this important fifth column. What are they useful for, these dark elves? See below.

Also was some great responses on twitter too:

Curtis Yarvin: I am a libtard. I want Democrats to win and impose coronavirus restrictions and LGBT pride on America.
Media: This is the guy who gives Trump all of his ideas

Can you do a little more?

I lived with Curtis Yarvin for three years. Much of what he says he was doing in his teens and early 20s -- especially "studying conservative thinkers" -- is a lie. He voted Democrat then. His thinking today is unrecognisable. I'm prepared to talk about it.

Prob lying. This is literally this accounts only tweet lol.

"I want to put Joe Biden entirely in charge of the government."

So tired of seeing this guy shilled on the "right." I've said for a long time there's nothing "right wing" about him -- he supports feminism, LGBT, massive Chinese & Indian immigration, and abortion.

Thanks.

^ That's still that accounts only tweet lol. Joined in January 2023.


Also RIP this guy's notifications.


I also wrote this earlier (might as well just get this all out of my system in one post):

They were beautiful, and it was only the second time he'd ever considered using the word in a sentence that involved Langly, and the first time had involved a lot of makeup and a pair of heels.

Is there a fanfic of that? I don't know if I want to read this entire series because the writing is a bit confusing and vague (hard to describe what I mean but it makes it hard to keep track of what's going on,) and also the three way relationship with another character that I'm not invested in because I just wanted Spencer Reid/Langly.

But I really want to read about Langly in heels if that happened... Lol.

This is what I get for randomly deciding to click on fanfic 30 in this series just now cause of one of the tags (theres two or more people writing this series lol - probably on fanfic 36+ now too.) I was just looking at Langly fanfics again to see if there was something else I wanted to read.

I feel like I vaguely remember a reference to this before in an early fic I read 2 years or so ago where he was dressed up for other reasons cause he was pretending to be dead and they didn't have sex cause he didn't like to while femme maybe? So prob going to get disappointed in that regard lol.

That would be weirdly hot though (Langly in heels.) I don't even have a thing for heels per se but I guess I kind of do.

Also lol:

everyone is bisexual because [BEEP] you that's why

I mean Spencer Reid actually was supposed to be canonically bisexual according to the writer of Criminal Minds but he was forced to change that.

I was watching an entirely unrelated video recently about a biphobic episode of Sex and The City lol and Spencer Reid pops up at the end unrelated because of a viewers username and the YouTuber had to Google who he was but actually that does kind of fit into the biphobia of the 90s and 2000s lol:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuYJjYbyxV8


I was watching clips of Sex and the City again (most of those videos have been since removed for copyright reasons lol this was a couple of months ago,) and I wanted to find Samantha/Charlotte fanfics (I like how they're opposites,) but there are only like 4 anywhere online and only one was fairly well written and just a one chapter fic so that was disappointing but predictable since I always seem to like rare pairings these days.

Coincidentally the author of that one fanfic had written a bunch of others but sadly not for that pairing they were all JJ/Prentis from Criminal Minds and then I looked and there were thousands of fanfics for that pairing but I never shipped them. I started watching that show so I could eventually read Spencer Reid fanfics in like 2000/2001 but it's so long so I drifted away like season 7 or so.

But well I guess I know what all the sapphic shippers are writing now lol since I can never find anything (or much of anything,) when I look up sapphic ships. Or really any these days.

There was the time I wanted to find Isha/Slaanesh fanfics and there was literally nothing. There was even one fanfic with Nurgle/Isha. I'm still not over that.

But yeah it's funny because it's like it's all happening in the same universe hahaha. Thats my headcannon now.

Spencer/Langly wasn't an idea I came up with either, I was looking for Langly fanfics first (yes by that point I'd moved to another fandom and apparently Spencer was like 'excuse me you were supposed to be reading fanfics about me' but by that point I was more into Langly haha) so I stumbled on it and it just worked.

But as I said I'm not super into how the fanfics are written, it's not even a quality thing it's just confusing I don't know how to describe it. And also the other character (still no idea who he is maybe because I haven't watched 99% of the X-files.)


Oh no he's from something called Shadow Unit? Oh OK curious:

You're probably wondering what you've stumbled upon and how to start enjoying it.

Shadow Unit is a contemporary science fiction series about a group of FBI agents struggling to protect humanity from the worst monsters imaginable. Except some of our heroes may be on the road to becoming monsters themselves....

Shadow Unit is also an experiment in creating fiction for the web; as such, it's a narrative which you as a reader can choose to engage with on a number of levels. You can subscribe to the RSS feed for new announcements, and read episodes and vignettes online or collected in ebooks--the first volume is free as a Kindle edition on Amazon and as an epub file at Smashwords.

If you crave a richer experience, portions of the Shadow Unit narrative universe are also interactive. There are character LiveJournals, where you can talk to your favorite fictional people (as long as you remember that you know more about them than you are supposed to!) and a message board where you can compare notes with fellow fans.

Enjoy!

Imagine if the Internet was still mostly stuff like this. It's really been destroyed.


Oh this is making me nostalgic and sad lol. I want to be like 14 on the 2000s Internet again. But I definitely don't want to go back to school.

[Otherside]

Never thought to try it before or nought much into it. But will say that almost overnight, have gone from having giant hive weals covering my arms, legs, back and hips, to only having a couple of tiny hive spots on my legs after doing acupuncture yesterday.

And trialling multiple antihistamines hadnt helped much (tried Fexofendaine - got rid of the itching but hives still there. Chlorophenamine - just makes me sleepy. Cetirizine - not much use). Prednisolone steroids would get rid of then quickly but can't be on that for more than a week, and when that eventually wore off, back came the hives. Same with Elocon cream, bur can't use that for more than a few weeks.

May this lack of hives continue. Perhaps the acupuncture guy was right and I do in fact, have fire in my blood.

If anything, despite feeling a bit like a human pincushion, it was surprisingly relaxing. Didn't really hurt either tbh, could barely feel the needles.

(It does suck a bit though that I have to avoid spicy food though. I made feta pasta last night and it was a bit of a shame that I couldn't add chilli flakes to it. It is nice, but just isn't the same without them.)

[Nyctophilia]

I want to write something that's like a combination of something like... Fight Club or American Psycho with Wuthering Heights with some vague fantasy and/or supernatural themes as well.

Not in a literal sense plot wise but I want to create something that's like... Describing both personal and generational lifestyle issues, but I'm also interested in like a close bond between two characters and kind of... Pagan naturalistic themes. Also liminal aesthetic and neo-gothic stuff.


I'm also not very good at writing and drawn more towards imagery and it's not really a great medium for all of that (photography or video would probably be better for some things,) but I want to get something out of my head.


Also considering what happened with Andrew Tate, and what Alan Moore said in this video about ghosts, I've been kind of wanting to set it or at least part of it in Luton:

"We need more ghosts, I don't know what all these exorcists are thinking!" Beautiful. Thank you Alan.

Yeah this video has been on my mind for like a year lol.


But I have mixed feelings since I've never had an attatchment. I've wanted to escape/felt trapped, and as with a lot of people who grow up there (or in any similar place really,) they develop a very cynical worldview with a kind of hatred that they externalise onto the town itself.


And maybe there's something to that too like the idea of people's thoughts transforming some area into a cursed space. Like if a certain tree was planted anywhere else it would not have been hit by lightning.



(Lol I took this photo above years ago in like probably 2016-2017 I found it while looking for the other stuff which is from google maps.)

Those daisies were born to grow next to the (what do they call them? Storefront church?) with prison bars on the windows... (Not quite that either):






This is incredibly interesting too (just found this from 2019) with the whole dying mall/gothic mall thing:

Lease of faith: Why churches are going into malls


Spaces once occupied by retailers are being taken over by religious organizations as malls look for new tenants to fill empty storefronts.

I don't think this is as big of a thing here as in the US. The dying mall thing... Though the shopping centre here struggles to keep shops very long and a lot aren't great. People have Spoiler: machete fights now and again in the shopping centre during the day... Perhaps a shopping centre could be an ideal location for a cult these days.


I like this video a lot too that I posted before and I've said this before as well but part of the reason for that is that it reminds me of wandering around this town and when I was filming/taking photos of stuff and nightwalking and stuff. Like in the mid 2010s I was doing this a lot and took photos in parks at night and stuff too.





Now, some people don't feel that way, or kind of get past that 'phase,' or in general are less cynical, and I feel in a sense that they, and the town don't need this.


Like if I wrote something and set it in Luton and anyone read it (which is very unlikely haha but hypothetically,) and the takeaway was 'wow what a shithole' (like the conclusion everyone has ever come to,) from people who have never set foot in Luton for more than 5 minutes I will have ultimately failed.


Stuff like this is also inspiring in some way:

do people on here know about the microfetish culture that basically is like cis lesbians and cafabs w a 'misogyny fetish' but the person dominating them is basically like a parody vision of an incel gamer trans woman

And then recently stumbled on that group on tumblr many months after seeing that and was like 'oh that's what she was talking about' LOL.

And it was that literal:

obsessed with gamer girls 🤤

need to worship [...] while she games on her PC and tries not to moan into the mic

tries not to moan into the mic is a little hot.

Manchild incel gamer bf but they're transfem...

Who want me 😜

I'd watch this film sure. I feel like there's something here. This could be the millenial Fight Club.

Azealia thoughts?

Azealia:

The gays lose again. Lol

I do love that she doesn't even have anon accounts or anything she's just engaging in absolute trash on main.

I mean I'm quite into sexology, the way sexuality effects other things and culture, and... I can't really explain how these ideas are connected in my brain lol.


(the Azealia thing is just because against all odds she somehow responded to a discourse tweet created by some small trans woman account I follow lol which included the line 'the gays lose again,' the one who was posting on twitter about the microfetish culture before. She didn't respond to that tweet but another. That's another thing I feel is very culturally relevant obviously.. The way social media is kind of my generation's heroin and has destroyed some people's career as well but it's kind of levelling in a way because even billionaires act the same way online. She had some cool music tracks I think I posted about this before but maybe removed the post... Then faded away rather quickly and just got stuck in an endless cycle of controversies due to her personality type coupled with social media.)


I like the setting of some of her music videos. I said this before (I use the word liminal way too much I know but I've stopped caring, eventually I'll move on or whatever but it isn't time yet):

I like the liminal + urban vibe in these videos:





Cause she's in like empty industrial spaces and hallways. Looks like she's singing from the backrooms lol.

Also like the 90s ps1 loading screen/intro music vibe of the first track. It's feeling very Tekken.



Also Anna Wintour yes that's why Drab Majesty are iconic:



Cyberpunk Anna Wintour's gotta be one of my favourite genders.


Anna Wintour is allegedly who Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada is based on lol.


Social media was like my generation's heroin and destroyed her career lol.


I think it would have been more fun to read Janis's tweets. As she was then:

I hear a rumor that somebody in San Francisco is spreading stories that I'm a d*ke. You go back there and find out who it is and tell them that Janis says she's gotten it on with a couple of thousand cats in her life and a few hundred chicks and see what they can do with that![26]

Thanks Janis that's almost a tweet. It's like she knew. And she predicted catgirls and/or catboys (that was a thing before her I know lol.)

I feel like the anime Serial Experiments Lain predicted this a bit but was pre-internet (or pre internet's impact on culture,) curiously from the late 90s. Very prophetic. And the idea of people who are dead living on as part of 'the wired.'


Also Anna Wintour has that haircut and always wears sunglasses. The Drab Majesty character Deb is actually based on something else entirely though (and overtime I think has fused more with statue, alien, other aesthetics etc):

Oddly enough, the name Deb came from this trucker jacket I got. I got it at a thrift store, and it said something like, "Grand Rapids Trucking Conference, 10th annual," and then it said "Deb" on it. I had a bartending job at the time, and it was Halloween, and I showed up to my bar gig in the first Deb wig and some crude lipstick, and I just went as this kind of butch trucker lady. I was the character I imagined Deb to be.

What about Deb's persona? She's kind of a blank slate.

That was a combination of my interests in Hollywood and public access, and there was an aesthetic there I picked up from riding the bus and seeing these interesting Hollywood people who were somewhere in between beauty and desecration. There's an element of glamor, but then there's an element of darkness or pain. These people look beautiful and really interesting, and I felt that might be a good place to start. But the early iterations of the character had too much personality. As the music kept getting more advanced, I was finding myself not relating to it even more. And eventually, I felt like I wanted to remove full features of the face, which I did with white or silver metallic makeup, and really cover the eyes, too. Because the eyes convey too much. They're too personal.

Likewise with what I quoted earlier in this post with the fetish thing.. I don't want to write something that seems overly sensationalised about a certain group but more just Human and common for a generation which I am included in. Like:





It's difficult to do this in the current hysterical cultural climate actually. Because everything has to either be 'good representation' or it's something like JK Rowling who blatantly wants to demonise entire groups of people and infuse her work with that fear. That could be interesting too (like HP Lovecraft,) but the end result of that imo isn't very interesting. 'Oh no a crossdressing serial killer' yeah, we haven't seen that over and over for the past century...


Groundbreaking stuff.


Not that I'm super original either. Most of what I think about is hauntological.


And that trope is common in fiction not in real life actually. One of the last borderline serial killers I was aware of in the UK in 2014 was a woman who Spoiler: killed 3 men and stabbed a few more. But she didn't quite meet the cut and was instead considered a spree killer. She coincidentally dressed one of her male victims in a black sequined dress.


In another recent case (with some similarities but also a bunch of differences,) a girl and a boy killed a teenage trans girl in the UK, they'd made a list of people but it was the girl's idea to pick her specifically. She seemed to be obsessed with her a bit.


I'm going to quote a few things so warning (Among other things I'm interested in the huge chasm between how predatory people think vs someone like JK Rowling when it comes to male crossdressers and trans women):


Spoiler:

It was "exciting", the now 16-year-old told a psychiatrist who visited her at the secure unit where she has been held since her arrest. She said she did it because she thought Brianna was going to stop being her friend and this was a way they could always be together.

I pay a lot of attention to this sort of thing because I grew up with a girl who was like the watered down version of this in some ways. So I see certain patterns.


I'm also, curious about elements of crimes that are downplayed (sexological stuff generally when it comes to afab people.) And frustrated by the amount of stuff people just let slide:


Spoiler:

The independent review found there had been 'no reason known' to stop Jenkinson 'mixing freely' with pupils after her move from another school where she had spiked a fellow pupil. [...]


Instead, it said the spiking incident was 'at best unkind, or worse a deliberate attempt to give someone what could be a frightening experience'. But it added Jenkinson's behaviour was not something that 'could reasonably be expected to make practitioners suspect that [she] would go on to commit murder'.

That's poisoning, so I don't know why you would imagine it wouldn't potentially escalate further. At the very least it's a crime.

Esther Ghey, Brianna's mother, said the review 'clearly found that nobody could have predicted the events that took place'. "We are now focused on looking forward to creating a safer, more empathetic and resilient society in Brianna's legacy," she said.

I find the bolded debateable.


Spoiler:

Jenkinson told the author of a pre-sentence report that she "liked having complete power over someone" and "enjoyed the power she had over someone weaker like Brianna".

In contrast, Littler claimed Ratcliffe's motives were far less sinister - banal, even - and understandable only in the context of Ratcliffe's neurodivergence: he went along with Jenkinson's plan because he wanted her to help him woo the girl he fancied, referred to in court as A to protect her identity.

The boy seemed to be autistic (and made various transphobic comments about her,) and the girl was more of a psychopathic sexual sadist. I kind of knew before they went into more detail and revealed their identities that that would be the case for that girl, as with Dennehy. Since being put in a secure children's home she has expressed violent intent again.


I actually thought that would be the case way back when I first heard about this and I said so on twitter actually, but more recent reporting has included bits and pieces. Like in the same way I knew that autistic schizoid guy from twitter I posted about recently would be into tomboys, I also knew that this girl would be in various ways like Johanna Dennehy I guess.

The judge said she suspected that Scarlett, "having been convicted, now wants to paint herself in as bad a light as possible". This would be unfathomable, she said, were it not for Jenkinson's obsession with notorious serial killers.

Yes I feel like that's going to be a recurring theme too. Once again reminding me of Dennehy who pleaded guilty and was laughing about the situation in public because she didn't want to be controlled by anyone (she was not said to have this obsession, but I think disagreeable people like to do this. On the less extreme side it's probably where the desire to be transgressive comes from too.)


I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done to stop cases like this - it's probably just some personality thing. Like everything is on a spectrum. Some people are going to accept more civilising than others. At a certain point you're basically just unsocialised.


It's not just this though. There's a bunch of stuff happening in the UK over the past decade especially with young people... But I can't keep editing this post with stuff. It's also distracting from the initial topic of the post lol.


I'm staring into the abyss again. :/


You know like how Lady Gaga said she thinks people both take her too seriously and not seriously enough? That's how I feel about atypical genetic female people in general. I'm not sure it's possible to have a balanced perspective on a lot of these topics though.





I was watching a video talking about her where the person in the video said this:


"Not even gender non-conforming lady gaga has always been pretty feminine aside from that one time she did drag."

I said then:

Uh she's not classically gender non-conforming in that kind of butch or tomboy way but you can tell that androgyny is important to her aesthetic and especially earlier in her career she had that energy and she talked about that (which is also why people assumed she was a trans woman because they just see femme androgyny and think 'trans woman')

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZaMxBtmyv8

"There's also this strange rumour that you're part man part woman. You've heard that rumour."

"Yes."

"True?"

"No."

"Do you mind the rumour?"

"Uh no not really. At first it was very strange and everyone sort of said that's really quite a story. But in a sense I portray myself in a very androgynous way and I love androgyny."

"So you like to blur that line?"

"I like pushing boundaries."

And then again in that guy's video addressing biphobia in the [BEEP] community towards cis bisexual women (Lady Gaga is also bisexual,) I was left with the same feeling.


You know why though right? You know why? It's like people are having instinctive responses still but not knowing why.


The same reason our culture has issues with men is the same reason it has issues with bisexual women. While ironically insisting the group doesn't exist - it's the weirdest thing to see play out over and over.


Also the same reason our culture has issues with trans women. A lot of trans women are bisexual too. People also expect trans women to behave like heterosexual women. They also have much higher standards for trans people than cis people. Arguing sometimes online that hormones turn trans people into 'the worst of the opposite sex.' Even in cases where hormone status seems unknown or I couldn't verify. Sometimes they say that's true without hormones too. Ignoring the massive amount of similar behaviour - often increased rates - committed by cis people.


It's getting a bit insane. In the UK especially. Maybe some of this is trolling but wtf is this reaction you know (I was thinking about it the other day again lol.) I mean it would be comical if things weren't becoming so insane:

They go shopping in groups now!


"Imagine being the only woman in a bathroom with them."


What if I'm the only non-binary in the bathroom with them or does that change the dynamic too much?

Do TERFs have a bathroom kink or something? Is that why they see using the restroom as a sexual experience and instead of just peeing?

Many are wondering.

I've left out the edgier stuff I said lol.


It's weird that this is the worst thing some people can imagine happening in a shopping centre though, it's not where I live. Again the chasm between their focus and mine.


This is however another reason shopping centres have becoming fascinating neo-gothic structures.


I still haven't watched this video lol (two of the trans women pictured are in this video):





As I said though:

But I can't keep editing this post with stuff. It's also distracting from the initial topic of the post lol.

It's terrible (I had an initial point here,) this is exactly how my brain works though:





Anyway the point isn't to sugar coat things (eg: like my hometown or similar places) either though or try and 'sell it' as such. What I kind of want to do (and this is very presumptions/pretentious/narcissistic yeah,) is to try and enthuse (infuse? Omg see I can't write.) A hopeless urban space with more magic.


Unfortunately I think people these days are discouraged from thinking in this way because people are pushed into rationalism and atheism which might work well if you are upper middle class (debateable,) but certainly doesn't if you live in a 'bleak space' - and I'm not a big fan of religion (especially the Abrahamic religions lol obviously,) at all but then you can get into an overly nihilistic headspace that makes most people depressed and cynical.


I don't exactly have a story either though (still,) just kind of vague stuff. I have another story (the idea with the transhumanist sci-fi world changeling thing I posted about before,) but I'm not really wanting to write it atm.


It's national novel writing month which I'm still not writing for so thinking about this again lol.


Also unrelated (but then not really unrelated entirely,) I also really like this photo:





So I don't know if I posted this before - I don't think I did in the end but I was googling some stuff to find like a word that describes 'false nostalgia' to describe emotional feelings I had but ended up finding something else instead with a quote by C.S Lewis and then eventually found what I was originally looking for but it all seems connected anyway:

I think it's partly the same reason I find Geddy Lee attractive like I'm lonely (I don't feel that way exactly most of the time because I'm a bit schizoid but I still manifest symptoms,) and nostalgia helps a lot with loneliness from what I've read. I also read this C.S Lewis quote too while contemplating things that kind of fit maybe:

There's something about him you know (Geddy Lee's aesthetic I mean.) Not even really a sexual thing entirely. It's the same with Langly from The Lonegunmen TV show (and the TV show generally and some 90s things) And this:

some image

[Whatever that image was isn't working now lol.]



It's like C.S Lewis said:

"In speaking of this desire for our own far off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you--the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter. Wordsworth's expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things--the beauty, the memory of our own past--are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshipers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited."

Sehnsucht (German pronunciation: [ˈzeːnˌzʊxt] ⓘ) is a German noun translated as "longing", "desire", "yearning", or "craving".[1] Some psychologists use the word to represent thoughts and feelings about all facets of life that are unfinished or imperfect, paired with a yearning for ideal alternative experiences.[2]

Someone said this:

It kind of surprises me how little sehnsucht is talked or written about (there isn't even an English equivalent!). Obviously, I only have my own experiences to go by, but like Lewis, it feels like the most important thing I've ever experienced.

I bolded that part of the C.S Lewis quote because before finding the above quote the other day I actually said something very similar lol. I can't include my entire essay on that though:

I just always feel like I have this itch that needs scratching and there's stuff where I get close to what I'm looking for but never quite get there. It's weird. It's not new lol. I think it's probably maybe also impossible like trying to reach Nirvana or go back in time but not actually go back in time go back into an emotion that didn't exist or something.

I was looking I think before for this word but couldn't find it lol:

https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-hum...moia-nostalgia

Anemoia: the psychology behind feeling nostalgic for a time you?ve never known

That's not so different from how we use the term to refer to thinking fondly or wistfully of the past, such as places you?ve been or people you've known. In fact, psychologists have shown that nostalgia of this kind has various psychological benefits, such as countering feelings of loneliness or existential anxiety. But a yearning for a past that you never actually experienced is different (and has its own name, 'anemoia', according to the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows).

Traditionally, psychologists thought of nostalgia as being based on a person's recollections of their own experiences, which makes it difficult to fit what you've described into their account. More recently, however, the philosopher Prof Felipe De Brigard at Duke University has proposed that nostalgia is broader, and includes your yearnings.

This kind of imagination-based nostalgia is likely to be influenced by stories and propaganda about the past. So it's quite likely that you've read or heard rose-tinted accounts of historical periods or places. Based on those accounts, your mind creates a simulation of what those places or times would have been like and you then feel a yearning to experience them for yourself. De Brigard says this is more likely if you're feeling dissatisfied with your current situation.

You're far from the only one experiencing this kind of nostalgia and recently social psychologists and political scientists have started to wonder whether anemoia could be playing a part in the rise of populist movements, such as the 'Make America Great Again' movement in the US, or the Brexit campaigns in the UK.

Older populist voters might be inspired by conventional nostalgia, for times they really did experience (that?s not to say their memories are necessarily accurate). But many young voters also seem to be susceptible to nostalgia-based propaganda and anemoia helps to make sense of this.

Like you, they could be experiencing rose-tinted nostalgia for past places and times, especially if they're struggling in present circumstances. In turn, perhaps this attracts them to politicians who promise a return to the 'good old days' -- even if those days are little more than a figment of the imagination.

Also found this from years ago. I love Tumblr sometimes:




I swear like 1/3 of Tumblr posts begin this way though actually like this:

I had a dream that there was a large majority lgbt Rush fandom on Tumblr and all the pfps were like this so I had to make them 😭😭

No, no this isn't a dream lol. It's some kind of nightmare.


I started to listen to this song (because I'm often listening to Porcupine Tree lol):





And it's by Porcupine Tree so-


Yeah it's about 'dark themes' (tm) again lol.