Need Advice!

[orange]

I met a man online who I dated 4 times. He lives 3 hours away and I have known him for 4 years. He will meet me halfway for dates but he never comes all the way to see me and does not want to come to my hometown to see me. Many times he has told me that he would come and at the last minute he either calls me to let me know he is not coming or he just doesn't show up. When I stopped calling him for 3 months, he kept calling, sent me flowers, apologized and said that he wouldn't do it again. This past weekend, he did it again and I called him the morning that his train was supposed to come and asked him if he was still coming and he said no because it was snowing in his area but I checked the weather channel and it wasn't. I don't want to stop calling him because he is the only one out of my "friends" who calls me and even though I know he wants a sexual relationship, he is the only man who has continually called me for this long period of time. When we used to date, he also treated me well, he would take me out to dinner, movies and we would have a good time together. I haven't dated in 3 years because I lost my job and my finances didn't allow me to date and I was going to school full time. My financial situation is still shaky and I don't have medical insurance so I think that is why he doesn't want to start a serious relationship with me. I can understand that but the lying about the weather I can't. If he couldn't come, that is all he had to say. I talked to him 3 days ago and told him that I would call him back but I am not because I am mad. He won't call me because I said I would call him back. I miss him but I want someone who I can depend on. But I don't want to be lonely. Before this man that I am talking to now, it was 9 years that I was in a relationship and that was for 4 months. So I am very hesitant to terminate this friendship.

[orange]

Oh, and I have to add that I have never met anyone else in his family, his friends, no one. He was supposed to meet my friend but at the last minute he said he couldn't make it. He claimed that my friend wouldn't have let us spend any time together. Now, that might have been true because my friend is nosy but I felt that he should have come anyway because at the time I was on vacation with her and I was only 45 minutes from him so even if he came just to spend time with the both of us, he should have come. Now I forgave him for not coming but I feel that because we have been friends for 4 years, I should know his family and friends and he should know mine. He has admitted to me that he feels uncomfortable socializing although he has family and close friends in his life that he talks about.

[orange]

Thank you for replying Ventura. That is another thing, I have never received anything written from him, he either emails me or talks to me on the phone. We used to text in the beginning of our friendship but when I lost my job, I couldn't afford my cell phone so he would call me at home and he calls me from his house as well. I am hesitant to write him because I don't want to send something to offend him. He doesn't like to write letters either or take pictures, he said that he sees what other people have done to letters and pictures (show them to other people) so he wouldn't write me. I probably will call him and tell him how I am feeling though because I like him and I would miss the friendship but if he doesn't stop this, I will have to do without him in my life. I am not looking forward to it because I am very lonely and before he came into my life, I was very lonely.

[orange]

I agree Ventura, I just called him and left a message on his voice mail, I said Happy New Year and to give me a call. I will tell him how I feel if and when he calls, if he doesn't, I will not call him again and I will have to move on. I called another friend and she is going to call me back, she was taking down her Christmas tree. So even if he doesn't call back, I will have to move on and am beginning to call the other people in my life. My godsister called me earlier and I called and spoke to my cousin earler so I have other people to reach out to. I care for my friend but I can only do so much, he has to meet me halfway.

[CaduceusGUILT]

I totally agree with you orange. Moving on is the best thing since not all friendships are healthy for us. Like you said, he has to meet you halfway and if he doesn't put in the effort and you don't feel like the relationship is worth salvaging, then you don't have a choice. Happy New Years and welcome to the site!

[orange]

Thank you CaduceusGUILT, I don't want to lose this friendship but if he doesn't want to put in the effort anymore, I will have to move on. The unfortunate part about all of this is that I am in my late forties and it is harder for me to meet a man that I really connect with and who called me and who actually listened to me. It took me years to find this man and I hate the idea of having to start over. I don't want to face the possibility that I will be alone the rest of my life. But it looks like that might be the case.

[CaduceusGUILT]

Don't pout like that orange. It's going to be alright. It happened once, so why won't it happen again? It's better not to waste your time on something going nowhere, instead you should keep looking and relish the people you have in your life now.

[orange]

That is true CaduceusGUILT, my friends have suggested that I continue to look but my heart isn't in it because of the length of time it took for me to find this man. Also, when he doesn't call, my phone doesn't ring as much as when he does, he calls at least one to three times a day and doesn't let more than 3-4 days pass without checking to see how I am doing and I miss that. Throughout all of the years that I have dated, no man has ever done that. I am usually the one to call when I dated in the past. But with him, he calls the most and he didn't have a problem with that, he wanted to talk to me. One time early in our relationship, my grandmother passed and I had to ride with my family 8 hours to her hometown and he talked to me all of the way up and when I got there, he kept in contact with me while I was up there and then talked to me on the phone on the way back. I never had a man do that with me ever. Also, when I call him, I don't have to wait for him to call me back long. He always call me back and when he calls, I call him back as well. I can call at any time as well. Now he might not care any more and if that is the case, then I will definitely have to move on because I will not continue to talk to someone who no longer is interested.

[CaduceusGUILT]

The more you talk about him, the more special he sounds. The best thing to do is tell him everything; both the good and bad he has done for your life. And then, and only then, can you really come up with a decision. I wish you luck!

[orange]

Well, he hasn't called today and I am not calling him again. I have decided to move on and find someone else. If I never do, I am going to have to adjust to being single for the rest of my life. I am calling friends more often and I am working on losing weight and exercising for my health and I want to go back to college to get my bachelor's degree. So these things will keep me busy.

[Anteros]

Well, he hasn't called today and I am not calling him again. I have decided to move on and find someone else. If I never do, I am going to have to adjust to being single for the rest of my life. I am calling friends more often and I am working on losing weight and exercising for my health and I want to go back to college to get my bachelor's degree. So these things will keep me busy.

You should pat yourself on the back for having the strength to be firm. If he's committed then he'll show it. I don't think what you've been asking has been too much.

I doubt you'll be single for the rest of your life (although it may feel that way), but it is better to be single than in a bad relationship where you're not appreciated, or to settle for less just to be in one. That's just asking to be miserable!

Sounds like you have the ball rolling already, and are taking positive steps towards having a healthier and happier life. I wish you much success!

[orange]

Thank you Neptunus, I am feeling better today, I was sad last night but I made myself go back to sleep so I wouldn't be sleepy for work the next morning. That worked, so that was good. Today I felt better and tonight I feel better as well. I am taking it one day at a time, hopefully in time it will get easier to move on.

[Anteros]

I am taking it one day at a time, hopefully in time it will get easier to move on.

It may take some time, but it will. Hang in there!

[Alexis1213]

I would so kick his [BEEP] if he did that to me. I see no relationship. He wants you to provide... He doesnt want to provide...

I personally think you should dump him and block his number, but that is just me.

Hope things get better...

[orange]

[QUOTE=Alexis1213;116615]I would so kick his [BEEP] if he did that to me. I see no relationship. He wants you to provide... He doesnt want to provide...

I personally think you should dump him and block his number, but that is just me.

I laughed when I read that response, you are right, I should kick his "beep" LOL!!!! You are right, there is no relationship, He called last Saturday and I called him last sunday. We talked for an half hour and that was it. I will talk to him but not as much as I used to. I am trying to reach out to other friends but I don't think I am having much success. A co-worker at work had a birthday today and I bought her in a cake. She didn't come to work today so her sister works with us and was going to take the cake home with her so the cake wouldn't be at the job overnight. I called to wish my co-worker/friend? happy birthday and she didn't answer the phone or call back and she doesn't have voice mail. I will see her at work tomorrow but how do you put off calling someone who sent you a cake for your birthday until tomorrow, I was taught that when you receive a gift, you call to say thank you. But I guess everyone is not the same. I guess that is why I don't have friends, I am too rigid LOL!!!!!